TW:// Broken Family, Mention of Suicide (slight), Mentions of Toxic relationships, Mentions of Domestic Abuse, Use of the F word (not fuck)

STORYTIME!

Virgil was... distraught. He has had one of the roughest life boys can have in America. He's been through pretty much it all. His father divorcing his mother when he found out his baby wasn't white, as Virgil's mother had a one night stand with a Flilipino man, and his mother died due to suicide when his biological father didn't want anything to do with him. So he was taken to an orphanage and grew up without a single couple taking interest in him. He never went to school and only had the knowledge he scraped out of the libraries and what other kids told him.

When he was eighteen he was kicked out, told to get a job, and live on his own. He found his first relationship, but it was horrible. Virgil was a scared little kid with the maturity of a six year old. The relationship ended bitterly, the two vowing to never see eachother again. Now Virgil is age twenty six and he's been through thirty nine different relationships, none of them healthy. Virgil never had any self esteem. He just wants to end his life and stop being a scared, easily manipulated, easy to hit and abuse skinny gay Asian boy that nobody could love.

So why not torture himself and willing get needles stuck in his arm? He walked into the tattoo ship and froze when he made eye contact with the first ever relationship he ever had. Virgil started to panic and was about to run, but his knees locked and his feet planted when he heard his name being uttered out of the taller, broader, stronger man's Lips.

"Virgil? What happened to you?"

Virgil just bit his lip in shame. When he left the orphanage, he wasn't in good shape at all. But he was worse off now than when he was eighteen. He was malnourished, he had scars on his face and bruises all over his body. He was skinny and his hair was dyed, even though his ex boyfriend standing in front of him knew how much he hated the idea of dying his hair. His nose was crooked and he wore an ankle brace. The last relationship really screwed the poor, five foot three boy over.

"Virgil?"

Dee, the ex boyfriend who apparently was a tattoo artist of this place, approached him with authority. If Virgil remembered correctly, and he can't rem,ever anything for crap, his longest relationship ever was with Dee. It was nice at first, but then Virgil started getting antsy and he'd get defensive, picking fights with Dee when he knew Dee was just being a smug and/or sarcastic little bastard. He was way right, Virgil does need therapy.

"I should go, I'm sorry."

"Virgil, what happened to you? Your hair, your body, why are you in a tattoo shop? You're terrified of needles and you have issues with commitment. I haven't seen you in god knows how many years and you show up like- Who hurt you. Virgil, tell me who hurt you. I'll have them arrested or way worse. I know my way with a weapon and you know that. I'll have them pay for hurting you like this."

Virgil turned his head away, even though Dee placed his hands on his shoulders and stood with his face inches away from Virgil's. He fought tears, knowing that If he cried he'd be a 'pussy boy' or a 'little girl' or even a 'dirty faggot' and he'd be scolded and/or struck again. He had to be a man. Dee's eyes were wild, forgetting all about the other customers and everyone else. Virgil's breath stopped working, all the attention was on him. He felt so humiliated. Why did he decide he wanted a tattoo? Why did he decide he wanted a tattoo!?!

"I never should've left you like that. Damn me. Damn me straight to hell. You were just scared little kid..."

"No. You were right to leave me. I'm sorry. There's... I'm causing a scene. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing! Christ Almighty you're worse off than when I saw you last! Who did this to you? Because obviously they were such a joy and loving partner to you. And who gives a damn about causing a scene? This is a built-in-the-wall tattoo place! Christy, take over my shift.  I don't give a shit if this gets me fired."

Dee grabbed Virgil's wrist, dragging the poor beat up boy out of the shop. Virgil felt the tears trying to break past his broken bravado-pride built by his toxic mindset implanted into him by countless boyfriends and girlfriends, none of which loved him. Virgil just can't love right, can he? He doesn't know what he does wrong. He's just so scared. He needs someone to protect him, love him, want him but he always knows he's going to be hurt and betrayed. And he's okay with that as long as he's wanted, just a little bit.

Dee brought him into another store next door. He gave one look at the clerk and they nodded, stepping aside and allowing Dee to pull Virgil into the very back room. There was... Bean bag chairs. It was like a little break room that was really small and just for napping. Dee let go of Virgil's wrist and have him a passive-aggressive gesture to sit down. Virgil complied and sat down, the bean bag chair nearly pulling him all the way in. He was very small.

"Virge..."

"Don't... I'm sorry. I never... I didint think you'd be there... I know you don't wanna we me, after so long, but-"

"Virgil, why would I not want to see you? Of course. I never want to see the poor boy I found sleeping on the streets and came to care about and love. I never once worried that you'd be hurt by someone else or be left scared after I hurt you like that. I loathe the idea that the fragile boy, who I grieved over the fact I pushed you over the edge and left you alone and helpless and ended our relationship. That could've been perfect and ended up healthily, happily married!"

Virgil fell silent. Did.. did he really think that they two could've been... married? Virgil never thought about marriage before. Ever. Nobody had ever said the word to him, even though he knew what that meant. Virgil clenched his fists, casting his eyes to his lap. Dee sighed, running his hand through his hair. He had tattoos on his forearm. He wasn't a tattoo artist before. He was working in an office job. He's much happier now. Virgil never got happier as time progressed... he just stayed the same: miserable. But he was the happiest those first few months with Dee...

"Virgil..."

"You honestly thought you could marry me? I... I yelled at you. I'm a crybaby. I... there's no reason to want to be bound to someone like me-"

"Oh my god Virgil stop talking. Who put those lies in your head? That's not true. It's definately not true. You have many great things about you . You got so excited and so passionate about the things you loved, you were willing to learn even though you were petrified of failure. You fight the world, or you fly away when you decide that it's not worth it. You're strong. I could never leave my pride and leave or find it worth it to fight when it doesn't benefit me."

Virgil couldn't speak. He couldn't say a thing. He just kept his eyes down. There's no way. Dee was lying to him. He had to be, right? He's always sarcastic, so he's just gotta be being sarcastic, right? Dee knelt down next to him and took Virgil's fragile tan hands into his own. Did Dee always have two different colored eyes? Virgil couldn't remember if he was always like that. Dee also had a tattoo on his neck of a spider. It was a black widow, but the red markings were purple instead. It was very particular, but it seemed very familiar. Dee took Virgil's knuckles to his lips and pressed a kiss to them.

"Virgil, do you want to try again?"

...

"It's okay if it's a no. Am I making you uncomfortable by-"

"No you're not! I just can't beleive you want to try again with me of all people. I've been with so many people in so many different ways... none of them were good or healthy. I really haven't had a good, pure, actual relationship except for those first few months with you. I was paranoid. I was backed into a corner. I'll probably be like that again. Are you sure you want to deal with someone as horrible and terrified and paranoid like me?"

Virgil hates that word. He hates that word so much. The stupid word paranoia. He's NOT Paranoid! But... he is. He's paranoid everyone is gonna leave him. He's paranoid that if he turns a corner someone is gonna strike him or shoot him in the heel with a gun or chase him with a hammer just because he didn't cook a good enough dinner. Virgil felt Dee's hands, paying attention to how warm and big they were compared to his. He was gentle, not going to break his fingers. 

He honestly does want to try again. Dee was the best person he was ever with, and the first. Dee stood up, keeping Virgil's hands in his, and he pulled him up to his feet and out of the black hole that was the bean bag chair. Dee embraced Virgil, enveloping him into a hug. Virgil hasn't been held like this in so long. Who was the last person he hugged? He doesn't know. Virgil closed his eyes, wrapping his arms weakly around Dee.

"I want for be with you, Virgil. Anxieties and all."

1645 Words

I'm sorry for making something so dark. I haven't been in a good place physically nor mentally, getting sick with the flu and failing at school athletics the first day back.

For everyone who needs to hear this: Do NOT force yourself to be stuck in a Toxic Relationship. If someone tells you that you can't be around or be friends with someone, leave them. If someone makes fun of you while saying they love you and it's not satire and it hurts you, leave them. If someone shames you for your body, sexuality, race, ethnicity, or anything about you. I know you may love them, but you come before anyone else. You'll find someone else, even though it hurts now. Leave that Toxic Relationship.

Internet hugs and blow kisses!

~Remus