Tw: child abuse, gaslighting, manipulation, unhealthy coping mechanisms, mentioned/implied drug use/addiction, self hatred

Florida singing "art is dead" and just letting everything pour out (it doesn't sound too different than the original when he sings it)

Slamming the keys and practically screaming every line

"There's other people you selfish asshole" and it's clear then just how much he hates himself, how angry he is at himself, at being the villain in his own story

"I must be psychotic, I must be demented to think that I'm worthy of all this attention" he's trying so hard to explain it, to tell himself why he feels the way he does

Tries to tell himself he's doing something with his chaos, giving a distraction, a way to turn meetings around, he's trying so hard

"I slept in late while you worked at the drug store" he doesn't think he'll ever be as good as the others, doesn't try hard enough, doesn't have the skills or intellect

"My drug's attention I am an addict but I get paid to indulge in my habit" because he does, he gets a moment away from his thoughts that are screaming at him to be better or to panic or to leave before he gets hurt
He needs an escape, even if he hates how he gets it after

"I'm wearing makeup" he's lying through his teeth, he isn't fine, he's letting everything build up, hiding his real anger and sadness, he doesn't need to bother the others, they're already dealing with enough
But he's breaking, trying so hard to be useful, he has to prove he has a place with them, but he can barely handle the pressure, so does he really deserve his seat at the table?

"This show has got a budget and all the poor people way more deserving of the money won't budge it because I wanted my name in lights" he was what his father wanted him to be
Someone would could get away with things, someone whose morals bent depending on the amount of money or power that could be gained from it
And for what? His fathers approval? Attention? That he didn't even deserve? How pathetic

"I am an artist please god forgive me" he needs it, needs to know he can fix it, be better
He needs to be forgiven
For all the things that he got blamed for when he was younger
Needs to be forgiven for not being good enough
For bothering people
For taking breaks when he should've been working
For not being the perfect colony his father wanted
He needed to be forgiven for his recent actions
For causing so much stress for the others

"I am an artist please don't revere me" because they shouldn't
He was so fucked, it was all so fucked, his habits, his thoughts, all of it, they shouldn't revere him, he wasn't a perfect person, as much as he wishes he could be

"I am an artist feel free to correct me" he was working on it, trying to let DC have more of a say in things, trying to hear Cali out more, trying to understand their boundaries, he was trying so hard
But he made mistakes, he knew that, he just hoped they'd correct him

"Self centered artist, self obsessed artist, I am an artist,
I am an artist but I'm just a kid I'm just a kid I'm just a kid kid and maybe I'll grow out of it" he hates how often his thoughts loop back to him, wishing he could help the others more, but he was so self centered, didn't care about anyone but himself, only heard what he wanted to hear and let everything else fade into white noise the second he got what he wanted
He still clung to the desperate thought that maybe, just maybe he'd grow out of screaming for anyone's attention, doing whatever he could just so someone would talk to him
Because it was stupid, he had people he could talk to, he had friends, why did he still feel so lonely? Like they'd never really like him?
Because he was a self centered piece of shit that only ever thought of himself, right?
That's what his father told him, he believed it, he believed a lot his father said and his father said he'd grow out of it eventually, he had to.

He sobs at the end of it, shaking and crying, begging into the nothingness of his room for someone, anyone to forgive him, to tell him he's doing a good job and that they're proud of him. It helps, for a little while, being able to scream and cry and letting everything he's been bottling up out, but he knows the cycle is going to repeat, so he buries his head in his hand and sighs, resigning himself to his fate and going to bed.