Tw: depressive episode, self hatred, hyperventilating, implied nudity

He has yet to get up, his mind is screaming at him to just move, to do anything other than lie there feeling sorry for himself. He can't see a reason to, he'd only be bothering the others. He takes in a shaky breath and rolls over, pulling the blanket up farther and trying to ignore how his thoughts are starting to sound like the others. They do care about him, they would've replaced him if they didn't.

He sobs finally, a broken choked off sound that fills the silent room, followed after by hurried gasps as he struggles to catch his breath. He was trying so hard, why wasn't it enough? Why didn't they like him? Why couldn't he just be better, feel better? He just wanted to be okay, why wasn't he okay?

He sighs, hugging his pillow to his chest and wiping away his tears. He was so tired, but he couldn't sleep yet. He sighs again, the tight feeling in his chest lessening with each breath he takes. He sobs again, shoulders shaking as he curls around his pillow. 

He would be fine, he just needed to get out of bed, he could do that.

He groans softly, staring at the ceiling for a moment before standing, ignoring the dull ache as he stretches. His room was a mess, he'd have to clean it later. He walks over to his closet for a new outfit, feeling mild disgust at himself for not doing so sooner. He'd work on it, a hot shower could help.

He isn't sure whose soap he takes, grabbing the first bottle he sees and turning the lights off. He can't stand the sight of himself right now. 

It does help, it's warm and for the first time in a while he isn't focued on what the others will think, he's calm. He doesn't want to leave but he's sure he'd get yelled at if he used all the hot water so he does, drying himself quickly and lazily throwing on the outfit he'd chosen for himself. He brushes his teeth next, turning on the light to find his toothbrush and avoiding the mirror as he does. 

He returns to his room feeling better than before, proud he managed to get out of bed. He wants to tell someone, but he knows it wouldn't go over well, he didn't feel like being insulted again. 

He changes his sheets before going back to bed, he's worried about being unmotivated later, but he was so tired. 

He falls asleep quickly, curled around his pillow, he got out of bed and that was enough for now.