Florida: last night
Florida: I had a dream where my dad came out as gay
Florida: And I asked why he was so standoffish when I came out if he was gay too
Florida: and he said he didn't like that he'd been with more men than his son
Florida: 
Florida, mumbling: didn't have to rub it in

Florida: I'm 35 Cheetos tall
Gov: Why did you measure in Cheetos
Old DC: Because you guys are out of Doritos

California: I thought you two were taking it slow? 
Old DC, wearing a wedding dress: Yeah but listen-
Florida: It was so cheap
Old DC, nodding: we had to
California: 
California: no

California: Where's your internalized homophobia at
Florida: I just got chick-fil-a
Florida: so

Old DC: but how can we know we exist?? How-
Florida: [places an ice cube in his hand]
Old DC: 
Florida: See how it melted? 
Florida: If you didn't exist, there wouldn't be enough heat for it to melt
Old DC: oh

Florida: See 
Florida: I'm sorry and my bad are the same thing
Florida: Unless you're at a funeral
Everyone else at the table: [what the fuck]
Old DC: You have a point-
Gov: no

Old DC takes everyone's clothes too
Him and Florida have movie nights because neither sleep well
Louisiana has a ton of pictures of them just cuddling

Florida: [building in minecraft]
Nevada: Are you-
Nevada: were you chewing on a pufferfish? 
Florida: 
Florida: no
Nevada: yes you are
Florida: no I'm not
Nevada: Dude, you're gonna get poisoned
Florida: You put weird things in your mouth all the time-
Florida: That's not the point
Nevada: at least I'm smart about it
Florida: Are you?
Nevada: I mean-
Nevada: sometimes
Florida: I'm using you as an example because I can't accuse my own actions
Nevada: I have never put anything dangerous into my mouth
Florida: you put 4 batteries
Nevada: 2 and I was trying to charge them 
Florida: Yeah, I know, and swishing didn't make 'em charge faster

California: Oh my gosh that's cute
California: I get it now
Florida: that's-that's what I'm going for
California: Yeah that's way better
California: That's way cuter
Florida: I thought that's what you wanted to do
California: Look at you bein cute
Florida: that's what I thought you wanted-
California: such a cutie
Florida: I'm gonna throw up 
California: aw
California: can't throw up when you're bein that cute

Alabama: You punched my boyfriend
South Carolina: I didn't punch him 
South Carolina: I pushed him
South Carolina: With my hand
Alabama: with your fist
South Carolina: no-
Alabama: apologize

Florida: I don't know how long I'm going to live-
Old DC: yo you could die like any minute
Florida: Oh snap
Florida: dude prepare my grave
California: I'm losing IQ points just standing here listening to you two

Texas: You're not really Florida are you? 
Florida: I- I don't understand-
Texas: What's your real name? 
Florida: are-are you uh I don't really- don't really understand
Texas: You're a liar
Alabama: He's a scam artist 
Texas: I think he's a con artist
Florida: I don't know what you mean-
Texas: You know since he's been here he's been trying to sell us a new car
Florida: What? 
Alabama, stepping closer: How many miles?
Texas, also stepping closer: How many miles? 
Florida, looking around: where is this car-
Alabama: How many miles?
Texas: How many miles??
Alabama: I know you got here somehow
Alabama: How did you get around? It's obviously a used car
Florida: it's got a lot of horse power actually-