A/N:
Alright, I couldn't hold it in.

I said I wasn't gonna update like usual, but hearing all this amazing news of Ashton going into his solo project made me so happy. The single is flawless and so effing raw that I'm in love.

So I decided to update this story, along with adding a new story to the works called Ghost Of You. It's the a.i. story I've been working on. There are some chapters pre-typed but dk when I'll get the rest out.

(For those who haven't seen the vid yet, I linked it above!)

Anyways, on with the chapter!

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August 2018

Molly's P.O.V

I don't know how to feel. For the past year-ish, I've felt more down and less motivated to do anything.

I literally did nothing on my birthday because I didn't even motivation to celebrate it.

I felt like I've lost sense of life. In the sense of that I felt like I was rebuilding myslf, and that I was able to become something bigger, but it was like as soon as I saw what I saw, it was like this old me was trying to resurface all over again. The broken, cold-hearted me was coming back.

I went through it the first time. From that time, I was hurt, I felt broken, and I didn't know what to do with my life.

This though, this one just felt so much different, but so much more painful than the first time cause it was my literal childhood best friend.

Even though it wasn't the first time, it hurt even more. At this point, I wasn't broken, I was shattered.

Basically from that night I was able to get myself off from the floor, but I moved to my couch.

Then days moving foawrd, I would either be in my room, my office, or my couch.

Notice how it's all in my condo, that's cause I never left my place. I couldn't bring myself to go into the outside world.

I feel like I've been feeling the same emotions for over a year. I haven't re-built myself again, if that even makes sense.

In this over one year since it happened, the only people I've mainly kept in contact with was Santana and Joanne.

Kate actually came a few days later and said that she wanted to stay with me so I can have some sort of company.

She's been doing her own thing, but when she came home, she was able to stay over and just be with me.

I felt so bad though because she was basically living on my couch, so I gave her some money and told her to buy an airmatress so that she can be with me in my room. I still have 'the middle' part of the room open since all I have is a chest, a nightstand, and a standing mirror next to my closet. At the same time, the bed I got is a small one so I wouldn't have to take up too much space. The bed did fit two people, so when it was just me, it felt lonely sometimes.

Having Kate with me feels like I somewhat have my life going. I mean, the first couple months, I was a wreck. Once Kate came those few days it happened, she still respected that this was difficult for me, and she let me have my space.

I just feel so lucky to have her with me so I can have that company that I had when I was with him.

It was also nice to have visits from Santana to check up on me and Joanne would come every so often to check up on me as well.

So, today I woke up like it was any other day. This time I was on my office beanbag cause I was playing around with some tunes.

So when it was around maybe November/December-ish. that's when I started writing and making some tunes on my own again.

I think me writing all my feelings down helped a lot, like in a therputic way. At the same time, I was able to use my feelings and turn them into songs.

So basically I can end up having a breakup EP based on the songs I have.

So, I know I said I haven't faced the outside world, but it was maybe March/April-ish where I went back to the studio, and I brought all these songs in.

Since then, the new routine was the same thing I did with the first half or so, just adding studio time for a couple hours.

I decided that if I was really going for this breakup theme, Mike actually thought about turning it into an album because of the amount of stuff that I wrote and also co-wrote with Kate.

Anywho, wow, looking at all this, I was basically rambling as I was making breakfeast.

Kate was all dolled up when she came out of the room. She basically has the look I want to go for, but can't because I can't bring myself to it.

"Are you heading to the studio?" I say.

"I'm off today, it's Friday." She says,

"Sooo, if you're not going to the studio, then why are you all dolled up?" I say.

"Well hunnybun, I think it's time you get out of these sweats and go around LA. You haven't done that much and the only place you've been to is that darn studio." Kate says while trying to pull off some western accent.

"Kate, I'm not getting ready. Plus, this is when we do our movie night, I was gonna invite Santana over." I say.

"Well, I already called Santana, and she says that she'd love to come along this little trip." She says with the accent.

"Kate, you're not in the west. You can drop the accent." I say.

"I was trying to do a Dolly Parton impersination." She says,

"Well, good try, not drop the accent." I say.

"Okay, but, I've laid out an outfit for you so I think you should go get ready." She says as she takes my cereal bowl.

"Hey! Can I at least finsh my cereal?" I say.

"I'll put it in one of your stainless steel cups and I'll bring a spoon." She says.

"Not the stainless steel cups!" I scream it as I head into my room. I meant it when I said not in there. When I did my shopping for the condo, every time I made a day for that shopping, I would always stop at the cups section, because there's just no limit to having these cups. So, I've built myself a little collection.

"Okayyyy! I'm putting it in the fridge!" She screams.

"Thank youuuu!" I scream back.

So, I somehow got the energy to ger ready. I think the jolt of energy came when Kate became Pikachu and shot a long distance lightning bolt when she said she was gonna put my cereal in my stainless steel cup.

That was the trigger, and once I came out, I punched her arm for even thinking about doing that to my cups.

Cereal...in a stainless steel cup.

Who the hell does that???

So, the outfit she chose for me was a one shoilder white blouse with ripped jeans.

I grabbed a pair of sunglasses with my bag, put my butterfly vans, and then we headed out.

Santana was waiting in the lobb for us. Anytime I pass the lobby to get to my car, I never take the time to actually take in the view.

The aesthetic of the lobby somewhat resembes the look I had for the bathroom and the living room.

Yes, I matched my bathroom to my living room.

It was black and white, of course I had to match it.

"Molly Saunders, back in the flesh. God it feels good to see you all dolled up again." Santana says.

"Good to see you too, even though you came over and we baked like 3 days ago." I say and we laugh.

"Now who's ready to get this show on the road?" Kate says and both Santana and I say me.

We were driving somewhere, but all I can do was get lost into my thoughts.

All I can think about is how I feel like I lost myself. It was like I'm having this long-term brain fart on how to refrom myself.

The only thing that felt like me was when I went to the studio and recoded stuff.

Getting all dolled up like this didn't feel normal. If I were to go to the studio, it would either be in sweats, or leggings and Cal's sweater.

Yes I still wear his sweater. Like it's probably the only thing that makes me feel like he's still in my life. Sometimes it hurts to wear it, and that's when I'd have a mini breakdown.

I'd also wear it on the type of nights I end up in the office doing stuff.

It's like, wearing it gives me this bittersweet feeling. Like, I want him back in my life, but what he did was so wrong that if I were to see him, that same face from that night would come to my head.

There have been nights where that moment comes up in my head, and then I'd end up having sleepless nights cause that whole moment felt like a blur, but at the same time it didn't because I vivdly remember that moment, and the moment of when I slid on my condo door and tears just poured out of me.

That night still somewhat haunts me and sometimes the only way to get it out of my head is to play 'that tune'

Actually speaking of that tune, I wanna mention something.

So, the guys released an album called Youngblood.

I would be lying if I said I never heard it. I did.

But there was one particular song, Ghost of You. It was the last song of the album, and it was a ballad.

When I heard it, I dropped my phone. Thankfully my office had carpets.

As soon as I heard it, I start balling silently, so that Kate wouldn't hear me.

It was like our breakup, but in a song.

The dancing in my room, he was probably trying to reference when we danced to this tune.

What made me drop the phone though, was the last two lyrics Luke sang. It was the lyrics I gave him.

Mali was right when she said he was gonna use them.

Ever since I heard the while thing, all I could listen to on repeat was Ghost of You.

So since I got lost in my thoughts, I just gained my self conscience and realzed where we were.

"Why are we at a park?" I say.

"We're gonna hang out in the outdoor. No shopping, no downtown, just a chill time." Santana says.

"Plus, we got your favourute while you were so dozed off." Kate says as she holds the bag of McDonalds at my face along with Krispy Kreme Dounts.

"Did you really drive to Krispy Kreme for me?" I say.

"Half a dozen glazed donuts with Chicken Nuggets and fries. Of course we did." Santana says.

We walked to an area where there was a pretty setting. There was a nice grassy area which lead to some sort of trail, and then there were some flowers in another section.

So we ate our food and Santana and Kate talked while I was mainly enjoying my food. Then we all took some pictures in the flowers.

I don't know how I wanted to, but it was like as soon as I was in this aestheic setting, I started to feel a sense of 'this is me' vibes.

After that, the two of them were desperate to go through the trail, and so we went. They were in front while I was in the back.

The trail lead to this pond with a rock area to sit at.

We all sat at the rocks and just enjohed the view.

"I can come to view this everyday." Kate says.

"I second that. Molls, you wanna thrid that." Santana say.

"Um, yeah." I say.

"What's up in little Saunders's mind?" Santana says.

"I mean, this is the first time in over a year where I'm not either at home or in the studio. I mean, my mind can't stop thinking about him." I say.

"Molls, there's plenty of fish in the sea. You've been single for a little over a year, maybe it's time to start exploring again." Kate says.

"But he's literally my childhood friend. I can't just move from that." I say.

"Well, you don't have to forget like that. Maybe one day, both of you will be at a place where you can talk things through and be friends again." Santana says.

"I don;t know what I want." I say as I lie on the rock.

"You don't have to know now." Kate says.

"Babygiel, it'll take some time. Right now you're at the stage where you're still trying to get life to feel like normal. What you did today by coming with us, that's a big step." Santana says.

'Well, Kate took my creal bowl, which gave me no choice, but then threatned to put my cereal in one of my stainless steel cups. So hearing that gave me that 'jolt' to get ready." I say.

"You were gonna put cereal in a stainless steel cup?!" Santana says.

"I know right!" I say.

"You two and your stainless steel cups." Kate says and we laughed it off.

The rest of the day was just us walking around the park. Then we drove to a hill and we watched sunset, sort of like the scene when the guys shot the Amnesia music video.

Yes I do truly miss the guys, but at the moment, I'm just not ready to confront them, if that makes any sense.

I would have to say that today was truly a day that started to being out me again. Being in the outdoor setting with minimalistic things just felt more heartwarming rather than them trying to bring me to shops to shop till we drop.

I would say this is a definite first step into the right direction I want to go.

It'll be a slow process, but I know for sure I'll get there.

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(July 20, 2020)

Alright, we finally got a Molls's P.O.V

Ngl, kinda miss writing a Cal P.O.V.

Who knows when I end up writing his P.O.V again, or any of the other guys.

Anyways

Comment and Vote

And I'll see ya on the next one