⌗ 14
Mason ✎ᝰ
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The last week has felt like a fever dream. I can't seem to get it out of my head that this is just a dream I haven't woken up from. I think about it long and hard—it's real. I know it is. It has to be. I feel you cup my face with your hands.

"Baby, are you thinking about it again?"

Her voice sounds so pretty, as it always does. And hearing it first thing in the morning makes me feel like I'm ready to take on anything.

You kiss my forehead gently. Pulling away, with a smile on your face. "I told you, it's all real, love."

I've been quite anxious these last few days. Ever since the night of The Celestial. I can't help but wonder that I'm lacking in some way. This is all so new to me—and I have no idea what I'm doing.

This is my first relationship. I don't how to act. What are the rules? Are there implications? How do I act in certain situations? I have so many questions. I feel like there should be a crash course on romance but here I am.

I lay quietly. You're looking at me like you're afraid I'd vanish. I might do just that...the way she looks at me will have me melting into a puddle of nothingness, and then proceed to evaporate into thin air. 

"I might melt if you continue to look at me like that," I spoke gently. "Gosh, your eyes..."

"Mm, what about them my love?" She moves the hair that blocks the corner of my eye, tucking it behind my ear. "Is there something in my eye?"

I shake my head. "No," I chuckle. "I just find them so pretty. I know I tell you all the time. But I really can't go a day without telling you."

Riley's cheeks flush. "Oh, stop it."

I smile widely. "Thank you for staying last night." I bury my head between the crook of her neck. She's my safe place—through and through.

Riley rubs the small of my back, "You were so worried about us," She said. "I wouldn't leave even if you told me to. I wanna make sure you feel seen. You're doing really great, my love."

We spent most of last night studying on my bedroom floor. The last week had been anything but studious—it was time to get the word done.

It was only till I had gone online that I started to feel unconscious about myself. I started wondering if I lacked anything greatly. After all, I've never been in a relationship. I don't know anything about dating. Or how to be a girlfriend.

I cried in front of her. It was both sad and humiliating—especially for that reason in particular. It's my first relationship and I felt like I was doing terribly. I felt bad.

"Why do you think you're lacking?" Riley furrowed her brows. "Is that what you really think?" She asked me.

I hang my head low. It was bad enough that I was worrying so much about it. Now I'm sitting on my bedroom floor in tears over a matter that I never knew I'd be upset over.

"This is so embarrassing..." I sobbed loudly.

Riley pushes away our things and pulls me closer. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about." She replied. Her warm embrace is comforting, as it always is. It's home.

She wipes away my tears. "I just feel like I'm so unaware of things." I hiccup. "I feel like I'm lacking. Like I'm not like those other girls I—"

She presses her lips against mine. I go red and quiet. "Gosh..." I add. "Heh, that's one way to shut me up." I chuckled lightly.

"Maisie, I need you to listen to me." She said.

I nod, "Yes, of course." I answered.

"This is my first relationship too," She stated. "I know nothing about relationships either. Other than what my friends tell me... I'm just as in the dark as you are over this." She explained.

"I do get where you're coming from," She added. "And it's absolutely valid. I get it, baby. But, we're both in this together. We'll figure it out along the way. We are each other's firsts. And I think that's so special. You just gotta trust yourself that you're doing the right thing. Because believe me when I say this," She smiles. "This past week has gone incredibly well thanks to you. I get to go around telling people that I'm dating the love of my life. You treat me so well, Maisie. Even before we made things official. You're not lacking anything. I promise you. Whatever you feel now is just that relationship anxiety that almost everyone gets. You're new to this whole dating thing. We both are. We're both on this journey of getting to know someone on a more romantic level. It's extremely common to feel this way at the start. So, please. Don't beat yourself up over this. It's completely normal. You're not lacking anything. Nor have you ever made me feel that you are. You love me incredibly so, and when I'm with you, I feel like the world melts away, and it's just us."

Tears run down my face. I can't even begin to fathom what I just heard. I've been so pent up about how I've been feeling. How I feel like I'm not doing or saying enough. But the truth is, I'm doing everything right. And what I feel? It's
completely normal. I feel a weight off my shoulders. I can breathe again. I sigh.

"You always know what to say," I chuckle lightly, wiping away my own tears with the sleeves of my grey hoodie (that definitely does not belong to my girlfriend). "Thank you for saying all that." I sniffle. "I've just been so anxious, so worried, so afraid that I'm not meeting your expectations."

Riley shakes her head, "Absolutely not. Maisie, you have always met my expectations. And you still do. Our relationship hasn't changed that. It's just your mind tricking you into believing that you aren't doing enough. But hear it from me. You are enough. You are everything I've ever wanted and needed. You are the love of my life, the one that I love most in this world."

Riley squishes my cheeks. "Cute." She laughed.

"Do you have to go?" I wondered.

Riley hugs me tighter. "I cleared my whole day so I could spend it with you. We can cook breakfast, sit on your front porch, we could even go to the beach and go swimming and oh my gosh I have so many ideas about places we can go!"

The excitement in her voice makes me so happy. I smile widely. "The beach sounds nice."

"You'd really like that? I know you're more of a homebody so if you'd prefer to be here then..."

I kiss her cheek. "True, but let's make new memories. Together. I'm sure it'll be really fun."

We spend the rest of our morning preparing food, packing our belongings and making sure we had everything we needed for a fun day at the beach. Neither of us know how to drive, and at first we thought of taking the bus down.

We decide to invite the girls—a fun little girl's trip down at the beach. Mara arrives in no less than twenty minutes. Mavis sits in the passengers seat all smiley, perks of being Mara's girlfriend, except neither of them know it yet.

"I texted you not even half an hour ago and the both of you are already on my driveway."

Mara shrugs proudly. "I'm dressed. She's dressed. I told her to pack but I think she just grabbed a bunch of whatever and shoved it in a bag." She points to the duffel bag taking up half of the backseat. It's not even zipped up all the way. "I trust she got everything though."

Mara runs her fingers through Mavis' hair and smiles proudly, "It's a little messy but she understood the assignment. Safe to say, we're packed and ready." She answered.

I look at them in disbelief. How much longer will I have to watch them act like a couple when neither of them have had the courage to speak up about it? For two insanely smart people, they sure have their dumb moments. I open the car door and throw the unzipped duffel into the boot behind me, as well as my own. Riley follows me into the car and closes the door beside her.

"Are they dating already?" Riley whispered. The two haven't even realised that we're already in the car—too preoccupied by their intense gazes.

"So, when are you gonna kiss?" I joked. But really, I'm hardly even kidding. They might as well kiss sooner or later. It's a surprise even to me that I managed to get my first kiss before the both of them. What a bunch of losers!

"What?" They answer in unison.

"I said, when are we picking up Elly?"

"Oh!" Mavis laughed. "I thought I heard you ask if we were gonna kiss." Her cheeks red.

"Kiss? Maybe an hearing exam would do you good there, babes." I tell her, putting on my seatbelt and helping Riley's with hers.

Mara sits still in the driver's seat. Her ears are red. One way to know that she's embarrassed os when her ears turn the same shade as a freshly picked tomato in the spring.

"Are you out of gas or did you need Mavis to look at you again till you're capable of driving a moving vehicle?" I questioned.

Riley shoves me playfully and laughs beside me. Mara and Mavis on the other hand are redder than the sun in the sky. Mara has always told me about her intense crush on Mavis. With Mavis, telling me was absolutely unnecessary. I could see it from a mile away—heck, maybe even a whole new planet and I'd still know about it.

Mara looks at me from the rear view mirror, "Kang Haerin." The intensity in her eyes fails to scare me this time. Instead I just burst into laughter. "Hey, don't laugh."

She covers her face with her palms. Still as red as before. "Kim Minji..."

"Hanni Pham!" Mavis added.

The four of us burst into a fit of laughter.

"Oh gosh, I can't breathe." Mara said.

We settle down within the next few minutes, determined to get to the beach before the crowds hit. By nine thirty, we were on our way to pick up our youngest, who in the last five minutes, had managed to spam my phone with over fifty messages asking if we were on our way or had somehow managed to forget about her.

By ten thirty we had made it to the beach. The warm sun was shining brightly, the clear blue water glistening, the sand soft beneath our feet.

I hold Riley's hand and we make our way down towards a empty spot closest to the rocks. It was a perfect little area to put down our tent, chairs and a picnic blanket. 

We take several minutes to set up. We had an assortment of cut up fruit, sandwiches, salads and even chips and lollies to snack on.

"Wow, I haven't been to the beach in so long." Elly smiled, taking in the scenery.

I nod, "Me either. I'm glad you guys could make it." I replied. The girls smile widely.

"Riley really changed you, huh." Mara teased. "Aren't you supposed to be at home."

I roll my eyes. "I could be. But I'm glad to be here with all your dumbasses. And with my girl." There's a smile on my face that won't fade.

"AYIEEEEEEE"

"Shush." I say. Now I'm the one blushing.

Riley pulls me close and kisses me on the cheek. The girls shriek and shove each other, Mavis ending up toppling onto the sand in the process.

This is gonna be a long day I thought. But it's gonna be one of those days I'll remember forever. Just like last weekend. I take a seat onto the blanket. The ocean looks so mesmerising.

It reminds me somewhat of myself. The waves roll onto the shore, small at first, then all at once, creeping up further and further onto the shore.

It's a perfect representation of who I am
and how my feelings took over. Slowly, then all at once. It was a small happy crush at first. The kind that gets you excited to see them in passing down the hall or during your next call. The kind that makes you feel giddy and nervous all that once. And then it turns into something a little more intense. The kind that washes over you. The kind that keeps you up at night. The kind that wishes that you could be more. A crush that one day turns into love. And maybe, just maybe,

The kind that turns into reality.

The smile never fades. Instead, it grows bigger. I take in the scenery, my friends, and the girl I have so desperately loved since the very first time. This is the life I've wanted. And I'm happy.

Here's to ticking off another box on your wish list, Riley. To many more with you.