⌗ 50; mara kim ✎ᝰ
{a/n: listen to song while reading}

I know I shouldn't feel this way for her, but I can't help it. I'm falling for Mason, and how sad is it to want someone you can't have. Someone, who without saying, still belongs to someone else? We are star-crossed in a way that would leave Romeo and Juliet overthrown by our unattainable want to be something more,

or what I wish to be something more.

I knew I was inevitably playing with fire when we found ourselves in this mess. I can't blame you for how immature I've become, how I'd never fall mad over the burns I've caused on my fair skin by intertwining myself with you.

My fingers gently trace your lines while you lay asleep in my arms. Your head rests between my chest. I hope you don't hear the way my heart breaks. I can't let you blame yourself for the hurt I've brought upon myself. I can't let you slip away from my grasp, not like this, and not when I've never really had you in the first place.

I can't erase the memory that burns deep into the crevice of my mind. The way you walked out my front door with tears running down your face as you fell to your knees and sobbed.

You didn't need to tell me how wounded you were, all I had to do was look you in the eyes. You and I are one big, 'it's complicated'. I fell in love with the way you touched me without your hands. I fell in love with the way you look at me with those eyes, how you warm me with your love and how in every way, you make me feel like it's just you and I in this silly world.

You were never mine to lose and that alone breaks my heart. It hurts when you know you could never be with the person your heart calls for. And yet, I can't help but keep falling,

falling into this endless maze of wanting and not wanting you and breaking every part of me in the process that in this very moment,

dreams of you, even while I'm wide awake.

Our lives will always be intertwined. We are forever entangled and meant to be,

meant to be two people that can love but never be in love. But friends don't look at each other this way. So what are we? We live a life of, 'almost', and yet it will forever remain that way. I'm not supposed to want you, and I'm not supposed to care. I'm not supposed to think about you or wonder where you've been when we're not together. I'm not supposed to to ponder over us or yearn for you. In any way,

I'm not meant to be in love with my best friend. 

I'm not meant to be the the one that hurts. I'm not meant to be needy or hopeless,

but I can't help it, Mason. I'm slowly falling for you. In every way, slowly, but all at once.

I often wonder if I ever cross your mind, even for a moment. I wonder in this moment if you ever thought of me before you fell into slumber.

I often wonder if there's ever been a brief moment where it was me and not her. I often wonder about the unspeakable, and how it feels like thorns pressed against my lips when we kiss, and how deep down, you wish it was her.

This forbidden love will break me in ways I never think I could possibly mend. This love of mine will stay hidden inside deep corridors of my ribs. If only you don't ever look at me that way. If only you don't ever kiss me like I'm meant to be her. If only,

things were different.

I may be the girl you come home to. I may be the girl you wrap in your warmth. But I'm also that girl that so desperately wishes and aches,

because even when you're with me,

your heart remains with her, 8000km away.