⌗ 22
third person ✎ᝰ
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A deafening silence looms over the air as the two drive back home to the suburbs. There's an unfamiliar tension that mixes itself into their space—making it feel tighter. Their belongings take up the boot and the entirety of the back seat. There's only so much space a car can offer, and with the tension, it feels suffocating.

The distance between them feels larger than it seems. Both their bodies lean towards their respective sides of the car. It's quarter past seven now and the sun has gone to rest.

Riley parts her lips. "We should eat dinner."

Mason taps the steering wheel with two fingers and clicks her tongue. "Sure. We can probably drop by at the next restaurant we see."

Silence follows for what seem like minutes. Riley grew more and more uncomfortable as time passed. It had only been a minute since she last spoke. She wasn't sure how to deal with this. She's not used to it. Riley felt sure of one thing though—that the latter felt the same way.

"I don't think we should." Riley uttered sternly. "I think we should go to some place we actually enjoy. It's still our anniversary. Sort of." She beckoned. "I don't know. I'd rather that..."

Mason cleared her throat and nodded, "Yeah, I don't really mind." She answered dejectedly. The younger had kept her eyes steady on the road since they left the cottage. The closest she'd been to looking over at Riley had been her quick glances over at the side mirror when needed.

Another long silence followed thereafter. Riley had become less and less hopeful of lifting Mason's spirit after what happened back at the lake. There's feelings of regret that washes over her as they continue to drive back to the city.

"I can drive if you're feeling tired." Riley shared. "We can pull over somewhere and switch seats."

Mason took a deep breath and shook her head. "It's fine, Riley. You don't have to do anything. Just sleep if you're feeling tired. I can wake you up when we get to the restaurant. We're still far so you can rest up until then." She stated.

That was the most she's ever spoken Riley thought to herself. The latter had barely spoken more than a sentence since they got in the car. She could only think back to what happened by the lake. How she walked off and kept to herself. How she avoided Mason and her attempt at consoling her worries and concerns. She sat their quietly and fiddled with her fingers. The inside of her cheeks were wedged between her teeth.

Riley could only think about her actions. How was I so stupid enough to just leave her like that she wondered. The amount of regret that was building up inside of her could almost equate to the amount of baggage that took room at the back of the car. It felt like a heavy load that she couldn't bare to take on all by herself. It was suffocating and the small space was making it harder for her to breath. Her desire to eat had been replaced by the much larger urge to throw up and cry—but she couldn't. Riley was trapped.

She was in a getaway car that would soon take her to her undeniable doom and despair. Mason felt so out of reach for someone that was right by her. Her heart ached so badly it was almost breaking. An inevitable feeling driven by her own mistake. Her own personal doing.

Riley removed her right hand from the pocket of Mason's oversized jacket that she was still wearing. Her shakiness was more apparent than she thought. Her urge to hide it away was soon overtaken by Mason's swiftness.

The latter took Riley's hand and interlaced their fingers together—leaving Mason with one hand on the wheel and the other for Riley to hold.

There was that warmth that she was so desperate to feel. Riley swallowed the lump forming in the back of her throat and let the tears run down her face that she had tried so hard to keep in. But it was no use anymore. Riley's tears were falling down mercilessly onto her lap.

Mason ran her thumb against the back of Riley's hand as she cried. She wasn't sure if Mason had even noticed. Her lap was wet with tears and her eyes were bloodshot and sore. There was a stinging feeling that was left behind as she tried to dry them away with her free hand.

The silence was still prominent. This time however, the radio played softly. Mason hadn't said a single word since she last spoke and Riley was too scared to speak up, afraid that if she did, her girlfriend would find out. She kept quiet instead and let the music drown her thoughts.

Even for a moment. She wished for it so desperately. To numb the feeling and break free of all her worry and concerns. It didn't matter if it were for a minute or ten, maybe even an hour. All she wanted to do was push away the problem that started this all in the first place.

The problem stuck to her like a tattoo on skin. Forever penetrated into parts of you that you can't erase. That alone stands as the one worst thing about a tattoo—you can't get rid of it. You can hide it with a brand new tattoo cover up or turn it into something completely different with what you already have. Her problem could go one of two ways; Riley could cover it up completely or shape it into a completely different problem.

The thought alone made her head throb. Almost every part of her body felt like it could break or snap within the next few minutes. She felt weak.

The time on the integrated head unit displayed eight thirty. In the next couple of minutes they would soon arrive at a restaurant they had both frequently visited as their time as a couple.

Riley could only dare to hope that this wouldn't be her last. 'We were always destined to love one another.' A core memory played through her mind as she closed her eyes.

The mere thought of Mason slipping away from her grasp gave her sharp pains throughout her body. She clenched her free hand over her chest and took several soft breaths as she held Mason's hand tighter in her right. The anterior cingulate cortex may respond by increasing the activity of the vagus nerve. The body often expresses what our minds cannot handle feeling, or knowing.

It's a psychogenic pain that is often linked with emotional stress. When the vagus (nerve that starts in the brain stem and connects to the neck, chest and abdomen) is overstimulated it can cause pain and nausea.

The last time that Riley had ever felt such excruciating pain was many years ago. When she left her old home behind. Leaving many of her core memories and childhood friends in a far away country that she had left for a better life.

That same feeling was resurfacing at an even deeper and emotional level—one that cut deep within her. A sadness so intense that her heart simply could not fathom the reality that was slowly unfolding before her. The idea of a life without her lover was a feeling similar to that of a place you once used to think would be in your life forever. Her home back then held a prominent place in her life. All her greatest memories were built there. She left with many regrets even as she brought those memories along with her. But life has never been the same since. There's always been a part of her that wishes she could go back. There's a space in her heart that still calls for it. She misses it so dearly. But she's moved in a new city, a new home, a new school and a new chapter with the girl of her dreams.

Home can be a place with four walls and a roof to live under. But home can also be a person. Mason had undeniably become her home. A home that she could run to whenever she felt sad, lonely or tired. A home that she could run to if she felt happy, whole or even energetic. A home that stood ground and kept her warm. A home that gave her a sense of security. A home that welded a new permanent place in her heart. The home that in every reality, in every multiverse, she could come back to. A home she loves with no limits. A home she never wants to leave.

She lost her home once. She moved on and kept those memories with her. She won't ever stand to lose this one. Riley worried that she would never be able to fix the hole in her heart if she loses the home she's built with her own two hands.

Riley felt terrified to build a future that didn't hold certainty. How could she enjoy this life not knowing what comes next? There's no answer. Her circumstances were dealt in the hands of the universe. Her life isn't a movie or a book. She can't simply look up or avoid an undesirable ending, or read spoilers when you've become to impatient to sit through countless pages or sit for hours to see how it all ends. Life will always come at you at its own pace. It'll bring you life lessons and inevitable obstacles. You can't change how it ends. You will never know how it ends,

until you finally get there.

Mason turns off the engine and unbuckles her seat belt. "We're here."