⌗ 49; mason kang ✎ᝰ
[present day]

Mara sits me on her lap as she rests her hands against my waist. I feel my face flush as she draws near. "Are you staying over tonight?" The warmth of her breath against my skin sends shivers down my spine. "Stay with me."

I chuckle lightly as she kisses the crook of my neck. "How could I leave if you do that.." My voice fades as she pulls away. There's that soft look in her eyes that leaves me feeling confused all over again. "Do you want me to stay?"

Mara nods. "I can't live without you." She runs her hands through my hair as she looks at me with her longing gaze. "I'll miss you if you go."

A small grin forms on my face when I hear those words escape her lips. "Well when you say it like that..." She kisses my lips softly and I feel my stomach churn. My mind whirs with memories of the past—the ones where she's in them.

I shut my eyes closed. I can't be thinking about her. It's absolutely unnecessary and I feel like I'd be breaking Mara's heart if I do. I feel some comfort in our situation—we both have feelings for each other, but that does not mean we still hold deep love for those that have left.

How could it be that we feel this way? I can't help but turn it into a pressing matter. I'm still dazed and confused. I still find myself craving her warmth and yet, here I am in the arms of someone else—someone who I also crave.

Mara breaks the distance and kisses me again. I melt at her soft lips against my own. "Hey..." I giggle. "Do you only want me to stay for this?"

She shakes her head in disagreement. "No, not entirely." She chuckled softly. "I just like you. Like a whole lot, Mace. You have no idea."

I try my hardest to swallow the lump that slowly forms at the back of my throat. "Mara..."

I feel that familiar heaviness take over. "Do you not feel the same?" Her shoulders droop to her sides as she looks at me. "I thought..."

"I like you." I answer. "I need you to know that." I tell her. "You make me feel all these emotions. It's so intense that...that I forget about everything in my life that falls apart...simply because you're here and I have you."

A small smile forms on Mara's lips once more. "You really mean that?" She wondered.

I nod. "Of course."

I feel sick to my stomach. We both know how much of a lie that was. Every little thing we do only reminds me of Riley—escape is not merely a possibility. I can't get rid of her, no matter how hard I try. I've just accepted my fate.

She hasn't told me, but I know Mara knows. We both know that we like each other, the feeling is deeply mutual. But we're still in love with other people. That poses the question of whether or not we're just merely two people who found each other when we were left with no one.

A rebound?

I feel a sense of disgust take over my body as I think about it. I'm kissing my best friend while I yearn for a completely different person. This whole situation has amplified itself into something much more complicated,

but I want Mara just as much.

Her warmth sends me into some sort of state that sends me away from my crippling reality. I feel safe, secure and loved and,

that's just everything I've ever felt with her.

A whole new person has taken her place and now that person is making me feel everything, all at once. "I'll stay." The words fall through my lips like they're nothing much. But in reality, those words hold so much more.

"Really?" Mara beamed happily. "You'll stay the night?" I rest my head between the crook of her neck as she rubs the small of my back.

"Of course." I answered. "I just wanna be here with you. It's all I really want right now." And that stands as the absolute truth.

An absolute truth with the deep underlying fear that I could lose her too if I'm not careful. I like Kim Mara with my whole being. But I could never love her the way I love Riley Marsh.

There is something so pressing and urgent about the way my heart still inevitably beats for her. I may have rid myself of sleepless nights and endless coffee cups, but I could never rid her off my mind. She sticks like a tattoo inked into my skin. She sticks like a pen upon paper.

She lingers and never truly goes away. 8000km could not be far enough. She's still here, in my heart. The distance could not change that. No matter how many oceans keep us apart,

she will always be with me.

And while my heart aches in the all knowing certainty of having to choose, I already know my answer. But how could I resist the warmth and love that the girl in front of me provides.

I want two people. Two completely different people. Two girls and one heart and mind.

I like the way she makes me feel. I crave her warmth and the electricity that runs through my veins. I like the way I feel when she's near. I like the feel of her skin against my own.

But I love her without question. No one could ever merely compare to her being. No one could ever earn the kind of love I have for her. No time or distance could ever strip that away from me. It's pressed deep into my soul and inked into my heart like a tattoo that could never fade. Perhaps, if that invisible string still ties her to me, then maybe, it's still us.

And maybe, she's just someone who warms me up on nights where I can't feel your touch.

I feel my head throb. I don't know what to do. I'm left completely confused and exhausted. Nevertheless, I find myself in her arms deep into the night. And so her warmth blankets me and I feel okay. I wish I felt nothing at all.

Everything feels salty and sweet.