⌗ 10

I feel the world around me come to a sudden stop. The music fades, the lights dim, and all I could do was stare at you like there's no one else but us. But of course, that isn't true. There's a crowd of people everywhere—filling every corner and crevice. And yet, they all seem to slip away into the back of my mind as I take in all of you.

It felt like the air in my lungs had run dry. So did my throat. My feet were nailed to the floor and my body as still as a statue. I feel a wave of embarrassment come over me as I watch you look back at me with those soft brown eyes.

Even at a distance, they're as mesmerising as they are up close. My heart beats rapidly. The corner of your lips turn upward, and there it is.

I feel weak in the knees. Every part of my body responds to the way you look and the way that you look at me. I'm a living and breathing portrayal of what a dessert run dry would look like. I can feel the dryness sitting at the back of my throat. I can't move or speak...

I'm in awe.

I'm in awe about everything that there is to you. No matter how long it's been—my heart beats just the same as the first time I saw you. I never thought I could feel that way. But you proved me wrong. And now I stand here before you, hoping, wondering and trying. I hope to overcome this nervousness that's washed over me. To then wonder what you must think of me right now. I probably look dumb and stupid and I hope you don't think I'm ignoring you. Because I'm not. And lastly, I try. I try with all my might to bring myself to you. To tell you how beautiful you look.

To tell you the one all consuming thing that I've hidden deep down. The one thing I've tried to bury away and hide forever. I thought I could move past it and not have to ever think of it.

But I can't keep it hidden away. I can't bury it and pretend it doesn't exist. I can't deny it any longer. I can't convince myself that this isn't how I feel. Because the truth is,

I love you.

And I have loved you since the day you walked into my life. I have loved you so desperately. You are my sun through the day. And by night, you are my moon and stars. My universe.

I love you with every beat of my heart, with every breath that I take, and without you I'm nothing. You're the air that I breath. I could never truly live a life where you are not present.

To me,

You have become my everything.

I wish to tell you this so desperately. But how can I? I'm nothing but a mere friend. My heart aches and longs for you as much as the sun yearns to be with the moon. But they never can.

So what if that's us?

Could we ever be? Or are we destined to exist in the same world but never together?

I feel my heart break. But now, you're even closer than you once were. My eyes well with tears. But I can't. I can't cry in front of you. Not like this.

I watch you take my hand in yours. I feel your warmth. I feel healed at your presence. Your touch. Everything about you makes me feel like I can be happy. But why do I feel so sad?

"Maisie."

The way you speak my name sends shivers down my spine. Your affect on me is incomparable.

"Is something wrong?" The genuine concern in your voice makes me want to cry even further. But I hold my tears in as best as I can.

"Baby, is there something bothering you?"

Riley, you shouldn't be doing this. I love and hate it at the same time. But what are you implying? What's the truth behind it all? What am I meant to make out of all this? Riley, I'm confused.

I watch you look at me. I can't tell you what's on my mind. So I'll just say it all to you in my head. I don't want to ruin this. Us. I wouldn't be able to take it otherwise. I'd hate to ruin my own life.

I feel you cup my cheek with your hand. You caress my face gently with the tip of your thumb.
"You're worrying me. What's the matter?"

You.

The answer is you.

The answer will always be you, Riley.

Sometimes I wish it weren't. Because it pains me. Instead, I shake my head and lie. "It's nothing. Just allergies." But I don't have any. It's just a stupid lie. Those tears are because of you.

Suddenly, the world around us starts to pick up again. I'm no longer in a world where it's just you and me under the spotlight. The music booms through the venue, bouncing off the walls. There's a lot more people now than when I first got here. I can see the girls watching me from a distance. I look away. This is reality.

I hear people call your name. They're everywhere. They want you. They all do. For many different reasons. You're popular.

This is why we don't belong, Riley. We're from two different worlds. Far two different. I'm here and you're there and I don't deserve to be in yours. My eyes shift around the place.

There's people looking at us. Or me.

No.

It's you. Just you.

They call out for you again.

"Riley, hey over here! I saved us a spot."

I turn my face . Behind you, over by the drinks. It's Sophie. She's absolutely stunning. Sophie, best friend of the host. She's got everything. Except a hint. Clearly. She walks over to us and taps you on the shoulder.

"Babe, everyone's waiting for you."

Babe. Of course. How could I be so stupid? But then again. You were never mine to begin with.

You look over at Sophie, the back to me. I can see the genuine sincerity in your eyes as you stare into mine. You're worried but you want to believe me. And maybe you do. So you smile.

"Soph, wants me to join them," You explain. "I'd like you to come with me? It'll be fun."

I shake my head. "No, go without me."

And for the first time since I saw you tonight, those were the first things I could say to you. That's what I managed to muster up.

No.

And now I hate myself more than I did before. Because I watch you look at me with a face that tells me you're disappointed. But you take a step back anyway. And then I watch you leave all together. Leaving me in the middle. All alone.