⌗ 11

I hate seeing you with other people. I hate seeing you with people that aren't me. But what right do I have? They're your friends after all. My heart aches. I wish I were beside you instead. How could I be so stupid knowing you're all I want.

I feel you staring at me when you think I'm not looking. But I am. I can't look at anybody else. I can't think about anybody else. You're all I want.

This night hasn't turned out the way I thought it would. I should be on the dance floor. No, we should be on the dance floor. I had so much planned for tonight. I wanted to tell you how I feel.

I've been holding back for far too long. But I can't keep this hidden away any longer. If I do, I might explode. I've been meaning to tell you this. How I feel. How I've felt since the first time we met.

You've been nothing but good to me. No one has ever made me feel the way that you do. I feel so special. So loved and cared for. Like I'm the only girl in your world. Like it's just us in this world.

I don't know what I'd do without you. I really don't know what I'd do if we never met. Every day spent with me makes me wish I could do it for the rest of my life. I want forever with you.

But I'm here. And you're there.

I walk away from the table. It's gotten too much. I can't stand it—hearing everyone around me talk about you. I don't like knowing that people want you too. I thought I was the only one. But I'm not. I feel mad. But not at you. I'm mad at me.

I'm mad at myself for thinking that there would be no one else. But reality slapped me in the face. People want you. You think I don't know that?

You act like you're a nobody. But you aren't. People around me and you, they all talk. They talk about you in particular. How you're the girl that people never expect. That you're more than just that shy, sit alone girl at the back of the room. You've managed to steal their attention.

You're meant to be mine, Maisie.

And I hate knowing I'm not yours.

I need to change the fact that you aren't. I want to do it so badly. This night should've been ours. I should be telling you how pretty you look. How you strip away every last shred of negativity when you're in the room. How, you alone, own my heart. How in the end, it'll always be you.

I love you, Maisie.

I wish to tell you that so desperately. I want to hold you. Kiss you. I want to be yours and no one else's. I can't stand being just your friend anymore. I need you to know how I feel.

I make my way towards the bar. It's a lot less hectic than it was earlier. I'm quite glad. I ask the bartender for a Cosmopolitan. At first he seems quite reluctant to make me one, but when I flash him my ID he nods and serves my drink.

I take the glass between my fingers and turn my back against the bar. I hate how I can find you so easily—even in a room full of people.

A small smile forms on my lips. The girls are trying to cheer you up and it's working. I take a sip of my drink. This is the second time I've ever had one. The first was the night was a couple weeks ago before our tutoring session.

My parents had been arguing about me. Arguing for a reason that seemed quite petty. They want me to move schools. But of course, my opinion hardly matters. They just want to ship me away again because their business will one day fall in my lap like it was always going to.

But I don't want to. I don't want to move schools or one day be apart of this family business. I have my own dreams. I have you and I can't lose you.

I tried inserting myself into their argument. But it ended up being a terrible mistake. They got so caught up that I ended up hurting myself. I guess the only good thing about it was the fact that they finally stopped yelling at each other.

They apologised. More than enough. But that wasn't what I needed. I just wanted to be with you. And I couldn't wait. I couldn't wait to go to sleep and wake up the next day knowing I got to see you and everything would be okay again.

I thought my falling over was enough to convince them that changing schools right before graduation was enough. But I suppose it wasn't all that convincing as I thought. They still want me to. They want to send me away and leave.

To leave the school. This town. The home I've lived in for so many years. But maybe I could grow past all that. But I know that I could never not need you. I always do. And if I left,

I'd miss you the most.

Thinking about it makes me well up in tears. I suppose that makes the two of us. This isn't what tonight was meant to be. I don't care if I sound like a broken record but it's the truth.

This night was meant to be for us. I should be with you right now. We should be having fun. But instead I'm here and you're not...

I hurriedly put my drink on the bar behind me, almost knocking it over. I've lost you. That can't be. You were there just a second ago...

I start walking back towards the table. Everyone's calling my name. Just shut up. I shift my gaze all around the room. You're not here.

I try to compose myself. I try to act like I'm not about to break down into tears. I try to act like you're not the biggest reason as to why I'm here.

I look around for you. Again and again. Where are you? Why did you leave? Why are you...

I found you. But you're not alone. It's not the girls though. They're still at the table. I look at them. They're looking back at me. And then I look back at you with someone I'd least expect.

I feel my heart break. I know what this is. I know what's happening. And it's happening right in front of me. I breath heavily and curl my fingers into a tight fist. God, this is something...

I'm jealous.

For the first time. I'm jealous that you're not the one you're talking to. They aren't good enough for you. Heck, they're not even your type. Of course I'd know that. I know too much.

And I know that I might just die if it's not me.

Please just let it be me. I hate when you're not with me Maisie. Please let it be me. Just me.