im heavily projecting.

tw

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Katsuki tucked his knees into his chest. How could this happen? Why? Why was it always Katsuki who suffered?

Was it his fault? Was it because of his aggressive and rash personality? Or was it because life is just heartless cruel?

Maybe Katsuki should try more. 

Maybe he should try be happy, nicer. Try be perfect.

Oh, who was he kidding? There was no way he could do that. He was just a lazy asshole who couldn't do anything right. Everyone could agree on that. His mother; father; 'friends' and even Kariage, maybe.

No wonder people saw him as a monster. His quirk ruined everything. That stupid quirk turned him into a bloody monster. Everything would've been better if it weren't for that ugly, demonizing quirk.

Katsuki was fucking lying. 

It wasn't his quirk. It was.. It was just him.

He was the monster he faced every morning in the mirror. It was him. Not anyone else, not his quirk, not his parents, not the villains. It was him.

Oh, how vile could life be? Why should Katsuki spiral off like this? Huh? Why him?

He couldn't have mental health problems. Why would he? He should be perfect. He is perfect. That's how Mitsuki raised him. He couldn't possibly be a disappointment to her..right?

Screw the world. He didn't need help. He didn't need friends. He didn't need anything.

All he needed was Kariage. But of course, Kariage had to leave him in the dust. Of course, Kariage had to go die on him.

Ah. Here's the monster named Katsuki; constantly blaming others rather than himself? What a foul creature he is.

Could it even be classified as worth existing? Maybe he should just be it now. That's what he's worth, that's what he is. Just a thing. Just an It. you couldn't say he's wrong now, could you?

But people care about him! They care! They call him up and ask how he's doing.. all while being genuine, too.

No, of course not. They must be lying. They must be acting, Katsuki thought, there's no humanly possible way for anyone to care about him. He was a selfish, cruel, bratty asshole. Nobody could care or love someone like that.

What about Kariage?

Well.

Kariage was different to them. He truly cared. He was the flame Katsuki was so drawn to. Like all things though, it had to end. His life had to end.

Katsuki didn't even know how his life had ended. Was it an accident? Was it on purpose? Was it real..? Could all this be a hallucination? Fake? Could it be..?

How could he know? He scoffed, He didn't deserve to know or understand.

His thoughts drifted. His parents were divorcing. How funny; he was almost certain it was because of his existence.

It was a loveless thing, this world was. Not even his parents held enough love.

How could one thrive and smile through it, like Deku or Kirishima? Like.. Kariage?

No, no, they must've been faking. Unless they weren't, and there was just something wrong with Katsuki. 

There was always something wrong with Katsuki.

Kariage didn't mind that though. Nobody in this pathetic world could compare to his Kari.

That's why Katsuki had to join him. Or at least, try to join him. He doubted he'd be allowed in the heavenly gates where Kariage would be resting. At best, he'd be in hell.

That's not really an 'at best', now is it?

It doesn't matter anyway.

He sat up and stood, with his legs wobbly and weak, Katsuki glanced at the already prepared rope and noose. There was no other way, he had to do this.

Ignoring his slashed arms, Katsuki adjusted himself. 

Calmly slipping his head through it. Calmly taking his last peaceful breath.

Katsuki kicked the stool and all he felt was a shocking and draining pain.

Honestly, he should've expected this but.. but of course he didn't. That's how stupid he was. Whatever.

Katsuki tried to relax his rigid muscles. It didn't work. 

Katsuki tried to stop his body from panicking. It didn't work.

It didn't matter though. His vision was blackening, his neck was tiring and his head was blurring through vague memories. He could see his third birthday and yet he could see his first kiss with Kariage at the same time.

A pained sleep called his name, so distant he almost missed it. Almost. You should never ignore the call, he thought. 

As such, he submitted. Closing his eyes, Katsuki felt light and airy; he felt free. Free from the burden of life, free from the tragedy.

Was this it? Was this his peace? 

But.. It was dark. Cold. Bittersweet.

The smell of cleaner fluttered into his nostrils. How odd. The smell of a sickening clean and ill and bright place entered more feircely.

A beep reminded Katsuki of his place.. He failed. He didn't reach his promised land. He reached a high that he could never return to, it seemed. How could life be so unfair?

All he wanted was an out. That was all. A dry tear escaped his closed eye.

"I'm so sorry, Kariage." He whispered. "I tried so hard; I'm sorry."

______

um. I hope you.. enjoyed?

Sorry if this triggered you, sorry for how shit this is, sorry for everything. I'll do better next time.