So someone requested this but wanted to stay Anonymous so they dm me anyways I would like to say, this chapter will contain mental issues and sh
(Also the person wanted me to say they requested this bc everyone deals with mental health and reading these not many ppl bring that to ppls attention)

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It was 9:43pm I was sitting in my bed scrolling through my phone.

Today has been a really shit day and I want to cry but I can't?

Finally I just starting thinking and boom now I'm crying. I felt my mascara running down my face, I was trying to be quite.

Which seemed to work. After like an hour and a half of crying.

I got out of bed and looked out of my bedroom a little still letting the tears fall down my face.

I saw no one in the hallway or anything like that. I closed my door and went into my closet.

I was digging around and I finally found the box.

This box had, razors, bandages, the wrap thing to put over it.

I set it all out and just stared at it for a moment.

Do I really wanna do this? Again?

I started thinking if I have to swim soon or not because then ppl would see the cuts.

I picked up the razor and started from my left thigh to my right then from my right wrist to my left.

This is what I get for being a bad friend, sister, daughter and gf

I deserve this.

After I got done I stared at myself. Why do
I look like this when she looks like that?

I threw everything back in the small box. I didn't care enough to clean it up.

I threw on sweats and a long sleeved shirt, I cleaned my mascara off my face and then went to bed.

.

10:24am

I woke up and remembered what I did, in a way I regretted it but at the same time I didn't.

I regretted it because I now have to reset my "I am sober app" and lie to everyone again but I didn't regret it because I deserved it all at the same time.

My phone then buzzed

Jayla🏳️‍🌈🥸

HEYYY

HIII

Wanna come over???

Yeah sure
Let me change first

OKAY LOVE U

Love u too

END OF MESSAGES

Well fuck.

I got up and put on jeans that weren't tight but not loose, and just a long sleeved shirt with a jacket over it

I did light makeup and ran downstairs to leave.

My mom worked all day anyways so I didn't really have to ask.

I texted jayla when I got there

Jayla: why do u text me when ur here just come inside.

She said while opening the door

We started walking up the stairs

Jayla: btw we are live

She said walking towards her room

Once we go in there I saw Kylee, javon, Jaden and Daelo

On the floor in front of kylees phone.

They answered randome questions for awhile

Javon: y/n aren't u sweating in that outfit?

Kylee: yeah take of ur jacketttttt

Me: I can't it's all apart of the outfit

Jaden: okay time for me and y/n go hangout

There is literally no way her caught on alr

We walked into his room and just hung out

This happened weeks on top of weeks

I would sh, hangout there next day, pray they didn't notice, they didn't seem to, I mean it kinda hurts because they said they would watch out for signs of me sh again

And they aren't. It was a whole ordeal when my mom found out I self hard she was mad and checked me into a fucking mental hospital

Jadens pov;

I decided to talk to everyone else abt y/n

Me: hey

I said walking into Jaylas room where they always were

Javon; hi

Me: soo are we gonna ignore what is happening with y/n or?

Jayla looked at me confused

Jayla: bro what

Kylee: stop joking abt that jaden it isn't funny and it's worse ur saying it bc ur her bf

Me: I'm being deadass bro. Why would she be wearing long sleeve everything in the middle of summer? And every time we ask to swim she just says "I cant" or "no thank you"

Jayla: ok so we can go 1 way abt this or another

Javon: which is?

Jayla: A tell our parents and we all talk to her or B we just talk to her

Kylee: I say A

Me: either one

Javon: yeah A

We then went and talked to them and they understood we all then invited her over

Y/ns pov

I walked into their house today, only to see them all sitting on the couch

Jessica: hey y/n

Me: hi

I said smiling

Me: what's going on

I said sitting in the seat that was in front of them all still smiling

Dj: so basically-

Jaden: just cut to it- have you been self-harming again?

My smile dropped

What. The. Fuck.

Me: what? No. Why

Javon: I call bullshit

Me: ok well ur wrong so

Jayla: why won't I swim with us then?

Me: because I literally just don't want to? What?

Kylee: why do u always wear long sleeved  everything?

Me: because it's fashion?

Jaden: show us ur wrist, and thighs then

Me: what? No I don't have to show u guys anything.

Jessica: it's okay just show us.

Dj; we can get u the help u need

Me: wtf I'm not going back to the mental hospital fuck that

Kylee: u don't have to if u just show us ur wrists.

Me: no-

I was cut off by Jaden just moving my sleeves

I hate men.

I snatched my arm away from him.

Jaden just looked around

I had tears running down my face.

Me: I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

I said putting my head on jadens chest he wrapped his arms around me and I did the same.

I was balling my eyes out now and jaden just kept saying that it's okay and everything is gonna be okay.

After I calmed down they wanted me to change into shorts so they have me a pair of Jaylas to change into.

I got back in just ny shortsleeved crop top and Jaylas shorts

They all looked at me. They were observing me. I looked down at my own body.

I'm disgusted with it.

I rushed to sit down and put my arms like I was hugging myself.

After we talked me and Jaden were in his room. I was on his chest falling asleep.

Jadens pov:

She fell asleep.

I feel like a horrible bf. I should have noticed sooner.

I grabbed her phone and unlocked it sense I knew the passcode.

I went to her "I am sober" app- we all knew she had it just to keep track of her days. I just wanted to know when's the last time she cut herself was really.

I opened it "5 hours and 34 min 10 seconds"

She cut today.

A/n: IF U NEED HELP GET THE HELP U NEED U ARE LOVED. U ARE WORTH UR OWN LOVE.