enhypen sunset series two

note: "maybe my soulmate died, i don't know, maybe i don't have a soul."

soulmate!au

tw: mentions of suicide

- linden

Your mother had never seen colors before in her life, and neither had your dad. Why? Because they had never found their soulmates. You saw how they lived, they were always happy, but they always seemed to be missing something. They loved each other, but they always seemed to be missing someone. It seemed sad to you. You, who hadn't found your soulmate yet, and would likely end up just like them.

You had accepted it by the time you neared your eighteenth birthday, that you didn't even remotely know someone who could be your soulmate. You could be happy in the future without your soulmate. That was something you just had to accept, and it was accepted. So, in time it came that you completely stopped trying.

————

"Hey, Mum, who's that?" You pointed to an old photograph in one of the albums you and your mom were going through. Your mom squinted a little bit and adjusted her glasses before smiling warmly. "Oh, that's a friend of your dad's. He used to live in this area in fact, but poor soul died when he was around your age." She frowned a little and brushed nonexistent dust from the photograph as if that would make the faded photo clearer. You frowned along with her. "What was his name?"

"Jungwon..." She mused. "I think his name was Jungwon. He was such a nice boy and everything too." She sighed and flipped to the next page as the plastic sheet over the photographs crinkled. "What a shame."

————

There were colors in the middle of the night, not that you realized it. He would sit in the corner of your room and weep. You remember being little and feeling someone there, seeing a flash of warmth, a blueish color in the static-y darkness, but it all felt like a hallucination. He would hold your hand when you were sick, and he would hug you when you cried, but who was he? You had no idea, and he was never there in the morning, only ever in the middle of the night when your room was filled with the gray of twilight.

Never in the daytime, never at sunset. Why not at the sunset? That's when the most beautiful of colors showed themselves. Why not at the sunset?

Probably, you told yourself many times, it was all a dream. After all, there was no he, you couldn't see colors, the midnight was just as gray and black as it always had been. There wasn't blue, the moonlight wasn't blue. Everything was most definitely fake, you were soulmate-less, and you knew it without knowing that Jungwon from so many years ago lived a miserable, yearning life- the same one that you lived sometimes.

———

A pair of warm arms snaked their way around your waist. You turned around and tucked yourself into the coziness of the non-existent boy. It didn't make any logical sense- but neither did soulmates. "I'm sorry, did I wake you up?" His breath hit your forehead, pleasant like hot chocolate. "No." You said under your breath.

Jungwon brushed down your hair. "Happy birthday."

"Where'd you learn that?"

"I overheard your mom. Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Why don't you tell me how you died?" You inched your fingers slowly around his body and felt him lean into your touch. "I didn't want to tell you because we were both young."

"Yeah, i know, you age with me and things."

You could feel Jungwon nod against the side of your head. "It's because I killed myself."

"What?"

"You heard me. I killed myself."

"Why?" You breathed.

"Because you killed yourself."

You shook your head. "I don't get it."

"There was someone...exactly like you. So beautiful." His lips brushed your forehead. "So kind, so just like you. But you..were broken. We saw colors together, but then...you jumped off a bridge. The colors didn't go away, but you did.

You shivered at the telling of your own death. "And then you killed yourself?"

"Yes."

"And you remained as you and I became me again."

"I think so." Jungwon pushed away some of the blankets and tugged you gently closer. "Look at me, please, tell me that this is real, that i'm not insane."

"I would be the insane one." You laughed under your breath. "Jungwon." The name you whispered sent chills throughout your entire body. "I believe completely and fully that you aren't real. but I also love you and believe in you. Does that make sense?"

"Not at all."

"My feelings for you." You presented with a laugh. "Can we see the sunset tomorrow?"

Jungwon sighed and pressed his lips sweetly to yours, making you smile. He never answered that question.

Instead, he distracted you by biting your lips and turning them pink.

———

He was a ghost. When you lay in bed in the morning with a warm hand on your stomach staring at your bleak ceiling, it occurred to you, that Jungwon was a ghost. There was no other explanation. You turned towards him in bed, examining the flush of colors all around you. It was beautiful. He'd never stayed with you so long before. Then, Jungwon opened his eyes, stared at you, past you into the light, and vanished.

You gasped, sitting up and grasping at thin air. "Where did you go? Where did you go?" You cried. Even so, Jungwon was already dead, and it was nothing but his apparition that loved you and cared for you, holding you in the darkness. You watched the colors disappear like someone had blotted them out, sucked them from the world around you. You rubbed your eyes. The colors were truly gone- but why? How could that be possible? How was it even possible that Jungwon was there? Why did the colors go away when you'd already been with each other for so long? Why, every single morning?

You forced yourself out of bed and called out into the hall. "Mum!"

"Yes?? You finally woke up?"

"Can I see those photo albums again?"

"You know where they are! Go ahead, but brush your teeth first!"

You didn't brush your teeth first, you had plenty of time to do that. So, you went to collect the photo albums, scrambling back to your room and locking the door after yourself. You stared at the chair in the corner of your room. There was a soft sound, a sad sound, like crying. "Jungwon?" You said. No response.

You flipped open the photo albums, fervently searching for old photographs of the boy you loved. You paused on one photograph you hadn't seen before. You felt a sick eerie feeling crawl up your throat. It was Jungwon, standing with a younger version of your dad, and beside him, someone who looked exactly like you. Your mom hadn't let you see this. You wondered why.

"Jungwon." You called to your ghost. "I know you can hear me. Can you tell me, how can I resolve this? I don't want to never see you but in the dark. I don't want to never let my family meet you. I don't- why did I kill myself? Things would be different if I didn't..."

Of course, you were met with silence

———

You had settled that there was no resolution. You loved that boy in the dead of night when no colors could be seen unless you were met by moonlight.

Then one day, it all came rushing back.

You were walking on a bridge near home that you never used to cross since it was unnecessary. You always saw the bridge, never came near it, almost as if you were aversed to that idea. Your parents never took you near it either. You realized now, that maybe they had been afraid. You looked exactly like Jungwon's soulmate at least thirty years ago. The one who had committed suicide on that very bridge. And that was something you had to learn all on your own.

The day you crossed that bridge, it was purely out of curiosity for the flowers on the other side. You walked slowly and leisurely, but when you reached the highest point of the bridge, you felt your stomach drop down to your feet. All the air was sucked out of you and you turned to stare at the high railing. You placed your hands on it. Watched and watched and watched the drop down to the water.

Something caught your eye from the right side. You startled, taking a step back with your hands shaking. There was someone who looked exactly like you leaning up against the railing. Except that person was mirage. The person glanced back and you followed their gaze. You furrowed your eyebrows at what you saw. It was Jungwon, running.

You turned back to the mirage of you, watching frozen as the "you" pushed themself up with a huffed breath and swung a leg over the railing. You could hear Jungwon shouting your name. Again, again, again. The mirage you balanced on the railing, their feet rocking dangerously back and forth. Jungwon let out a sharp scream and the mirage you tumbled off the edge. Down and down and down to the water that awaited. You put a hand over your mouth.

Jungwon was sobbing, He was tilted over the edge. He started running back and forth, screaming, screaming, "HELP!" He ran through you and you felt as if a gust of wind had passed through your stomach. He stumbled back through you and then into the railing. He stared down at the water which had calmed after mirage you's fall. Then he glanced in your direction, straight at you and his face fell. "You're gone! Why?? Y/n why??" He cried. "Why are you watching me!??" He turned back to the railing. "Why are the colors still here!?" He wailed. 

He scrambled and pulled himself up to the railing. He was breathing heavily. You stretched an arm and cried out, an attempt to stop him. Jungwon glanced at you, then pushed with his arms and tumbled over the edge, hitting his head on the railing as he flipped. You shrieked, a sound you couldn't hear and ran to the railing, your knuckles paling when you gripped it. There was something dark on the railing. It must be his blood. You wailed and you wailed and you shut your eyes- then all your senses disappeared.

You opened your eyes and you stood again where you had stopped walking. You scanned the grayness and the lack of people. You blinked, and took a startled step back. Jungwon stood in front of you in the broad daylight. He was looking right at you. This was not mirage Jungwon. He met your gaze and your world erupted in colors. You gasped slightly. The darkening sky, tan sidewalks, a dark road and the grey blue blur of cars rushing by.

Jungwon himself was filled with colors. His hair was dark, almost black, his eyes the same shade like boba. His skin was light, not so light that his skin would register as white if he weren't your soulmate but rather as grey. He was frowning slightly but smiled at the wonder in your gaze. You tried to glance at the setting sun but the moment you tore your gaze away from Jungwon's, the colors disappeared and turned to warm toned grays.

"Jungwon!" You took large rushing steps towards him and wrapped him in a hug. He was so solid, and so real. You felt him grab one of your hands and lace your fingers, the other one going around you and pulling you as close to him as he could. There wasn't anyone walking, it was getting late, but you felt a light breeze from the rush of cars. You'd closed your eyes, but when you opened them, the colors started to register. You started to cry.

"Wonie, it's so beautiful." You held him tightly for a moment, but then let yourself relax and made tearful eye contact. "But what are you doing here?" You said. Your voice was shaky, for all around you, the world was a rainbow of pigments.

"I don't know." He rubbed your knuckles and smiled faintly. "I was just here, and you were here." He drew you into another tight hug. "Please never leave me again." You felt something cold against your cheek and realized he was crying. He was crying, you were crying. You patted his head gently and a slight smile came over your features. No one was watching, it was just you, and Jungwon, and...

"The sunset." With your hands still on Jungwon, you stared in wonder at the splash of colors behind him as the sun slid slowly behind the horizon. You felt Jungwon brush your hair behind your ears and kiss you slightly on your cheek. He pulled away, and rather than turning to look, he watched the sunset dance in your eyes.