note: (my inspiration) "I want to know...where I can go, when you're not around and I'm feeling down..." (I'll add the playlist later)

a/n: a lot of you reading this are probably heeseung biased, but how would you react if you suddenly met your bias in public? also, i'm not very happy with the title so if you have any suggestions pls lmk.

tw: angst

1588 words

- linden

You sit in your bed with the quilt and sheets bunched up around your waist, and a book in your hands. Your eyes flit across the text, soaking in the fictional romance that erupts from the pages. There was a time that was you. There was a time where you were happy and filled with a bubbly feeling in your chest that you never thought could go away.

And you were right. It's still always there. But he didn't feel it, did he?

......

Heeseung's breath brushed across your cheek as you lay in his soft embrace. You giggled into his chest when the whispers of a lighthearted joke swirled around your ear. You were both melting into the soft couch that squatted in the living room of the house where the seven boys lived. The rest had gone to sleep, save for Jay who was in the kitchen drinking soda, and Ni-ki who was in bed but was playing games.

When you brought your hand up to brush the hair from his face, he leaned forward and kissed your wrist. You froze in place and he smirked a little. You curled up with your knees to your chest and your lips pursed, feeling flustered, "Don't do that..."

"Aww. Did you get flustered?" Heeseung smiled and bit his tongue. "Cute."

......

You come upon a scene that makes you pull in a raspy breath. The two fictional characters that only come alive your mind are suddenly sparking a memory inside you. It reminds you of the first time you and Heeseung met.

You were also an Engene then, and you and your family had come to Seoul for summer vacation. It had been all you could do not to run away when you saw him.

......

You sat on the far end of a bench at the park,  swinging your feet and letting them hit the leg that supported the seat. You held a book up in front of your face, fantastical designs of dragons spread across the cover. You were drawing to the end of a chapter when you heard someone sit down at the far end of the same bench, speaking softly into a phone and laughing. You didn't bother looking up and instead picked a slice of pear from the little plastic box that sat by your side without even letting your eyes stray from the text.

You only changed your stature when you accidentally hit the bench support too hard with your swinging foot. You felt your eyes start to burn and yelped. You marked your page and set the book beside you so you could inspect your foot. There wasn't much to inspect because of your shoes so you started to pack your things to go back to the hotel since it was almost lunch time anyway and your parents were expecting you.

That was when a voice interrupted you, "Are you okay?"

You turned your head to meet a pair of dark eyes and a mask-covered face that was all too familiar. Your eyes widened and you turned away immediately. In a small voice you replied, "...yeah...thank you-"

Your voice cracked and you put your hands to your face, eyes going even wider. You looked up at him, not sure how to feel. You couldn't see his entire face, but you could sense a smile in his eyes.

Even though you knew full well who you were staring at, you couldn't help but ask, "Do I...know you?" You tilted your head and fought against your frantic heart and the urge to run away. He pulled his mask under his chin and held out a hand, "My name is Lee Heeseung, and I wouldn't be surprised if you did."

Your heart fluttered and you felt as if you could truly just fly away. You held out your hand and let it brush lightly against Heeseung's as you shook.

And no matter how much self control you had, you couldn't push back the wide smile that grew on your face, "Nice to meet you, Lee Heeseung. My name is L/n Y/n."

......

You want to skip the chapter. You want to make it all go away. You want to erase him from your life. But that is the hardest thing ever to do. Not only is he all over the internet, but no matter how hard you try, you can't get him out of your head.

You slam the book shut and set it down next to you, pulling up the fluffy quilt so that it covers your entire body. You look down at the gentle shapes on the fabric, trying to make some sense of the mess.

That's how your life feels at the moment. Like a senseless mess. That's how it felt from the moment he looked away from you for the first time. But in the beginning, it was all butterflies and fireworks. After you and Heeseung met for the first time, it was only a matter of fate until you met again.

......

You'd woken up late to a note on the desk in the hotel room from your family to meet them at a nearby café for breakfast. You pulled on your clothes in a hurry knowing they'd most likely been waiting at least a half hour. You stuffed your phone into a little bag and took off.

The sidewalks were crowded for the time of day with people even spilling into the street, and you were being pushed in between and around people in all sorts of ways.

You finally fell after simply being carried through the crowd when you bumped into someone's chest. He reached out to grab you, but missed and you fell to the ground with a cry. People barely bothered moving around you and whoever you'd bumped into snatched your hand away quickly before it could be stepped on. He pulled you up and into his chest with his arms around you. He moved the two of you until you were standing in a calm area near a couple of shops.

When you were safe, you stepped away from him in a flustered hurry, apologizing at least five times before he cut you off, "it's okay. Y/n, right?"

Your heart nearly stopped when you looked up. Your voice was suddenly higher in pitch, "oh."

You moistened your lips and messed with the hem of your shirt. "Sorry..." You forced out. Heeseung reached out as if to touch your shoulder, but stopped halfway and let his arm fall limply to his side. "Are you going far? Let me walk you."

"Just around the corner." You said, having a hard time making eye contact. Heeseung nodded and held onto the strap of your bag as not to loose you as the two of you walked.

Soon enough you'd arrived the café without any harm done. Heeseung gave you a small smile. "I have to go now, my dongsaeng will be worried since I suddenly hung up on him."

You nodded and tried not to fiddle with your fingers. "Thank you."

......

You stare at the book by your side. You slowly remove an arm from the cocoon of warm blankets that surround you and pick up the book. You shift your body a little and set it on the bedside table before darting back into your little shell of cozy. You sigh. For once, the warmth and coziness isn't making you happy. Instead, all you can think of is a similar night one year back.

......

"It's so cold today." You shivered. Heeseung looked at you from his bed, eyes blurred with sleep and a soft glow cast from the orangish lamp on the bedside table. You glanced at Jake who slept nearby before staring back at Heeseung.

"You have a bed, princess." He murmured under his breath before pulling the quilt over his head. You pouted, "Please?"

Heeseung removed the quilt from his head and blankly looked at you for a moment. "Okay." He scooched over to make room and you crawled into the bed next to him. You lay your head on Heeseung's chest with a content sigh. You heard a low chuckle erupt from his lips, and shivers cascaded down your spine. "Your feet are freezing." He whispered. You curled your legs up against Heeseung's warm body as he wrapped his arms around you. You mumbled, "I know."

He ran his fingers through your hair, letting his breath brush softly against your face. "Warm..." You murmured sleepily. Heeseung sighed. "I've been meaning to tell you this, y/n..." His voice dropped, a sad tone overtaking him. "I think.....I think I forgot how to love you.

I think I forgot how to...smile every time I see you. i think I forgot the feeling of having to fight the urge to kiss your beautiful face.....and...how to only ever look at you..."

You looked up at him with your eyes fogged by sleep, "Hmm?"

Heeseung closed his eyes to hide the pain in his eyes and just placed  a kiss on your forehead. "I'll tell you again tomorrow, even though I know It'll hurt to see your tears. I'm sorry."

But he never did know that you had heard every single word, and with every single ounce of self control in your body- hid your tears for the next day. Instead, you let yourself be enveloped by Heeseung's warmth and familiar scent of vanilla.

You let yourself feel at home. If only for one more night.