a/n: jake played this song during his live. he also sang along to it, his voice is so sweet :(( i put my earbuds in and turned the volume very up so i could hear

this is short ahaha

tw: sad. sad sad sad; attempted suicide; cursing

- linden

Healing.

"Hi engene." He grinned over the fancall. "What's your name?"

His voice sounded like healing.

"Um, y/n." You smiled a little bit. An almost content, warm sort of feeling swirled around in your chest. Jake's eyes were so wide and such a dark chocolatey brown, innocent like a puppy. His smile was so cute. You loved his smile so much. He studied your eyes, noticing that you looked nervous to say anything else. "Are you okay?"

No. I'm dying today.

You tilted your head, looking at him sweetly and laughing a little. "Yeah, I'm good." You chewed on your bottom lip "Are you?"

"Yeah." Jake laughed over the screen and his lips moved up into that perfect pink smile. Your own lips drew up a little in reflection. You clutched your hands under the desk hard enough that your nails left marks on your palms. You stared at Jake on the ipad, completely focused on your face and patient. This felt unreal.

I'm wasting my time.

"Jake." You smiled. "Can you guess who's my bias?" You laughed a tiny bit and held your hands out in a small motion. Jake's eyes widened in a sort of excitement. Gears seemed to be turning in his head. "Is it..." He trailed his gaze over your face, moistening his lips. "Jay or Heeseung hyung?"

You shook your head 'no' and sucked in your lips.

Jake raised his eyebrows and ran his tongue over his teeth, giggling a little. "Oh? Is it me, then?" He stuck his tongue out a tiny bit to moisten his lips, his eyes glittering.

You bit your bottom lip to stifle a laugh, nodding your head up and down. He was truly the only one who could make you smile like that.

"Ahh, I knew it!" He grinned so widely, looking like an excited kid and softly clapped his hands. "Oh!" His eyes widened a tiny bit as he glanced off to the side. "Time's almost up. Anything else you want to say?" He gave you a small smile.

You pouted a tiny bit, already missing him. "Can you say my name?"

"Why?" He asked curiously, his eyes flickering to keep check of the time as it ticked off and ran out.

"No one ever says my name in a good way anymore."

Jake's eyes widened and his eyebrows furrowed. "Y/n." His voice echoed through the small mic in his ear buds. "Are you okay?" He asked softly.

Your own eyes widened and you put a hand over your mouth. "Oh! I'm sorry for saying that." Your sucked in your lips and widened your smile. "I'm okay."

"Y/n." He said again. He tilted his head a little with his eyes round and shining. A slow smile crept up onto your face. "Jake, you're cute." You said. You could feel your skin rapidly heating up in embarrassment but the sweet smile that grew on Jake's face made up for it. "You too~" He grinned.

You laughed a tiny bit, a fluttering feeling taking flight in your chest. "I love you Jake, times almost up, right?"

"Yup! I love you, y/n, too." He smiled softly. "Please stay safe and be okay-"

You moved back a little bit, lightly startled by the dark screen, the last thing you'd seen being Jake's soft gaze and him waving at you in goodbye. "Oh." You said softly. "Times up."

You moistened your lips and stared at the black call screen. "He was the last member." You frowned a tiny bit and closed the ipad, leaving it laying face down on the desk and rolling back in your chair. A big smile grew on your face and a burning feeling encapsulated your chest. "Oh my god." You murmured. You felt like you might start crying. "I finally met them. I finally met my reason to keep going." Your hands hurt with how hard you were clenching.

Finally, you could meet heaven.

You scrambled up, going to your bedroom window and pushing up at it. Gone, gone, gone. Finally you could be gone from this screwed world.

You paused when you stood in front of the torn mesh, watching it flutter in the chilling breeze. You felt the cold all the way to your bones like a layer of frost was crawling over your skin.

"Please stay safe and be okay"

If they were your reason so far, why did that have to stop now? You wrapped a hand around the crumbly mesh and tugged at it a little more. Why were you doing this anyway? Why did you do anything?

You threw your hand down and tore the mesh even further so it had almost torn completely away It fluttered more in the slight breeze. You let out a heavy breath and turned around, sliding down the wall until you sat on the ground with your knees pulled up to your chest.

What the fuck.

"Y/n."

There. He was your reason. He had been so far and he still could be. At least for the time being.

Sim Jaeyun, thank you for existing.

Now why were you crying?

It was okay. For the time being. You could make your mistakes and mess up and hurt and hurt but keep going, even if it was for a boy who would never need you like you needed him.