a/n: @Pansexual_bish_1209 i hope this part two is decent enough :)

tw: sad; heartache </3

- linden

Slowly you made your way down the staircase, taking it one step at a time with your bare, dusty feet. You yawned and stretched as you directed yourself to the kitchen. The familiar scent of butter and vanilla drifted to your senses. "Good morning mama." You said. "What are you doing?"

Your mom looked up from a bowl of flour she was mixing with cinnamon. "Getting ingredients ready so I can make fresh rolls for you tomorrow." She shrugged sadly and went back to her ingredient-mixing. "Since you're leaving for college tomorrow anyway."

"Awe, mama." You hugged her around the back and put your head on her shoulder. "It's okay." You smiled sadly. She looked at you. "You look upset, baby. What's wrong? Are you sad you're leaving?"

You removed yourself from the hug and leaned against the counter. "Sort of." You looked away. "I always look sad, now don't I?"

"What..." Your mom trailed off at a small spark of realization. She brushed the excess cinnamon flour off her hands. "Is it still that Riki boy? It's been years, my baby."

You raised your eyebrows in a sort of shock as you looked at your mom. "How could you say that, mama? You know him! He's like family."

Your mom put a soft hand on your arm. "He was, baby. He's gone now. You have to move on. You'll find someone better." You shook your head as you searched her eyes. You threw her hand off your arm, crossing them over your chest.

"I don't know how you could say that, mama. Don't you understand? You lost your first love too." Your breath was coming faster now. You ran your tongue over your dry lips.

"But I found your father. He's everything I wanted. My first love was lost. He wasn't good for me."

"No." Your throat was dry and constricted. "No, you're lying, mama. First true loves are forever first true loves. And Riki was mine, mama! My first true love, my first boyfriend, my first kiss! He was a first everything for me! I was untouched and naive, I didn't understand what could happen and I fell so deep. He was my first heartbreak, too!"

"My first love was my first heartbreak, too." Your mom said softly.

You glared into the air beside her face and swallowed thickly. "I still think you're lying, mama. I'll never lose feelings for him." You met her gaze. "And I don't think you lost feelings for your first either."

Your eyes softened at your mom's worn and flour covered hands. You pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. "Thank you for the rolls, mama." You turned to go back upstairs and to your bedroom.

————

The rest of the day, you didn't come down from your room and your mom sent your gentle and kind hearted father to bring you meals.

The following day, all your bags were packed and ready to go, but you weren't. You, instead, were searching in the fields beyond the school.

Your father had followed you and now approached you. "What are you looking for?" He asked sweetly. "You have to leave soon."

You looked up. "I'm looking for a piece of home."

"A piece of home?"

"Yeah. A creamy orange colored flower." You smiled and brushed your hands over the summer blooms. "I'm never able to find them." You laughed. "Pretty but rare, I suppose."

"Why not a regular bouquet?" Your father asked as he helped you search. You hummed. "The orange ones are special."

"Special? Darling, you have that in-love feel to your voice. It sounds sad."

"It is sad." You nodded. You looked at your father and tilted your head. You resembled him closely. "I miss him, that's why."

"You've missed him for a long time, darling." He started. You shrugged. "I know, I know. I need to move on." You smiled. "And I have moved on. You don't exactly see me crying everyday, now do you?"

Your father chuckled. "I don't think that's moving on, darling, but nice try." All of a sudden, he straightened and gasped, pointing across the expanse of flowers. "Look, an orange one!"

You gasped as well and carefully weaved between the flowers to reach it. You crouched down by it and ignored how the dirt would soil your clothes. Gently, you ran a finger over the buds. It was beautiful.

Out of your bag, you brought a small white pot painted with little orange stars. You took off the covering you had put over it to keep the dirt from spilling and, ever so carefully, used your most strength to uproot the flower.

It came easily with many, many thin roots covered in dirt. It was a short flower and fit perfectly into the pot when you planted it deep in the bottom To your surprise, it continued to lift it's beautiful blooms to the sun and didn't wilt.

You smiled and looked up to see your father had joined you. "Thank you so much, papa."

————

The car ride to college was long and boring. Dusty country roads and fields filled with wilted flowers that could never match the garden in your heart. Long passes through picture perfect neighborhoods and little towns so different from your own.

Similarly, settling into your dorm in the city was uneventful. You were tired and sleepy so you couldn't take the time to admire your surroundings. Instead, you first made an attempt to unpack before collapsing on your small mattress plus wooden bed frame combo.

The next morning was wonderfully still summer break with a week left for classes to start. Getting up, you moved slowly around your new dorm, lacking a roommate and left only with yourself.

For the most part, your dorm was empty save for the things you'd unpacked the previous night while half-asleep. These things included bathroom necessities, your notebook, the flower- happily set on the windowsill -and a couple things in the kitchen.

You washed up and made yourself a small breakfast with the plan to try and be productive, maybe go out and explore. With that thought in mind, you took a short shower and found yourself an outfit. With a set of clothes picked and dressed over your body, you started to feel more awake.

Before leaving, you watered your flower and dropped your keys and phone into your bag. Pulling on your shoes, you left the small dorm to the company of only the air.

————

After being surrounded by people your entire life in your small town, it was an unfamiliar feeling to be wandering on your own. Even in your town, alone meant with the company of Riki or stuck in your room with voices drifting through the door.

That feeling was lost here, walking through crowds of people so unlike you and feeling so alone with not a familiar face in sight.

Or that was true until you walked out into a half empty park. You sat down on a sun warmed bench and scanned your surroundings curiously, tapping your feet on the cobbled gray stone ground.

Your eyes moved slowly across the calm scene.

You could've sworn you stopped breathing.

Your eyes delved into the sight, scared, hurting, disbelieving. Was it truly Nishimura Riki standing there? Only a couple of feet away?

You hesitantly rose from the bench and took a step forward with your mouth open slightly in awe at the beautiful boy- the beautiful man -in front of you. You stopped short at the sight of a girl.

She was small with dark eyes and dark hair. Pretty hands and delicate features. The clearest skin and a properly sized bodice. Your eyes flickered around and to the ground. Just like that one morning, you felt a telltale ache growing and expanding in your chest.

Nervously and scared, you took another step forward to approach them. You glared at the ground to stop the prick of tears. If he was happy with her, that was alright, great even, but it hurt nonetheless.

You stopped a couple of steps away and took a deep breath to collect yourself. You moved forward and tapped Riki's shoulder. He turned, and the smile on his face flickered. You could see the feeling in his eyes start to crack.

The girl looked around him, unaware of your history with her probably boyfriend. She had her arm wrapped around him and a curious look on her face as she studied your broken eyes. "Who's this?" She regarded you as a stranger.

Riki looked at her, then back at you. His lips were parted but he was too choked up to let any words spill past. You made eye contact with the girl. She was so beautiful. "Hi." You tried at a small smile. "My name is l/n y/n. I was Riki's....friend in high school."

You could see Riki flinch and felt a similar hot pain in your stomach and crawling up your throat.

"Wow." The girl smiled and pushed her hair behind her ears. "How was he like then?" She tried to read your eyes and your expression as she spoke.

"He was..." kind to only me.

You smiled. "He liked to tease me, but he was a nice person as well." You forced a laugh. "He brought me food."

The girl giggled. A sweet, wonderful sound that made you insecure and want to curl in on yourself. Your head swam.

"We talk about him like he's not here." She laughed and bumped Riki's arm with her silky haired head.

He tried at a soft laugh but with his face blank of emotion for the most part. "Yeah." He moistened his lips. "I brought y/n strawberry cake once and she acted like it, and I, were god."

The girl laughed. "You sound nice, y/n." She held out a soft hand. "My name is Cho Silvia. I hope we can be friends."

Your eyes felt wet as you swallowed and took her hand. "Me too." You smiled softly. "Anyway," You fiddled with the strap of your bag as you pulled your hand away from Silvia's delicate one. "I have to go now." You murmured. "See you around." You waved as you retreated.

You felt the burn of tears in your eyes. You rubbed your palms over them and willed the pain away.

————

When you returned to your dorm, you off shook shoes and dumped your bag on the ground. You heard the sound of your phone hitting the hard ground, but ignored it.

You dragged yourself to your bed, feeling weak and stupid and hurting so much but swelling with love for him. You pushed your face into your pillow, hating your stupid mattress and your stupid bed frame for no reason at all.

You just hated everything and you wanted to hate everything. It was more pain than anger. Pain all over again, fresh and new. You turned over on your hard new mattress, taking heavy, thick breaths.

Your teary eyes fixed on the blurry vision of the creamy orange flower. So delicate and pretty, leaning toward the slanted lines of sunlight falling in through the window. You remembered Riki's wide boxy smile, his deep laugh and the way he teased you but loved you.

It was the past now.

You clenched your pillow to your chest and curled your knees up. You took a gasp of air as you felt the cold, salty touch of tears on your skin. A small, silent scream escaped your lips and your hot breath burst against your pillow.

Everything ached all over again. You squeezed your eyes shut against the swell in your throat, but in a moment you were wailing and gasping for air again like you had that day after you closed the door.

Hot tears, painful love, a beautiful blooming flower.

You felt like you were choking. Choking and flailing without air.

You knew you were in the safe solidity of your bed. You knew, but you felt detached.

"The hurting will stop one day and you'll find someone better that fulfills your heart better."

You took a hot breath and tried to calm your frantically beating heart. Lies. Fake comfort, fake truth. Lies.

Lies.

Slowly, your breath calmed and you fell into sleep. Your grasp loosened around your pillow, leaving wrinkles in the fabric and sticky tear marks on the curves of your cheeks. Sleep was safe.