a/n: it's kinda short lol, just had to get my feelings out a bit

tw: all the angst, sh

- linden

"Why won't you talk to me? Did I do something wrong?" Heeseung cuddled into your side. You shook your head. "I'm just thinking."

"About?"

"How unfair life is."

"What do you mean?" Heeseung shifted you so you were laying on his chest. You flung an arm around him. "The fact that some people will be hurting and people will help them because they're so vocal about it, but then other people will be hurting and not want to show it in fear of hurting others. So they don't get help, and one day it's too much for them, and one day, i don't know, maybe one day they give up."

"I don't like the way you're talking." Heeseung ran his hands through your hair. "It reminds me of high school."

You tilted your head up to look at him. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? You're the one who was hurting."

You sighed. "Do you see what I mean now?"

———

Your sibling was screaming at the top of their lungs their worthlessness. You sat at the kitchen table, glued to your work, typing away frantically at a presentation with music blasting in your ears. Your sibling shouted that no one cared, but they were blind. Everyone cared about them. You, your parents, their friends. Your entire extended family. Everyone was desperate to help, to provide therapy, to do anything and everything. Meanwhile, you sat there wanting to bawl and scream and cry just like them- because who cared as much about you?

You were told often that you, as the older sibling needed to take care of them. You, as the older one, the one who doesn't speak out about their feelings, didn't need to be worried about. You were okay. You were doing fine. But were you really?

———

You were staring at the safety pin in your hands, glinting in the darkness and the faint red smudges on your arm. What were you doing? You ran a hand over the bumpy scratches. You felt sick. Again, you stuck the sharp tip of the pin to your forearm and dragged it through your skin.

———

It was spring already and the weather was becoming warmer. You felt guilty every morning staring at your half naked body in the scars before you got dressed. You felt guilty, and ugly. You would put on a cardigan over your dresses, excusing that it was still chilly out, still a bit too breezy, that the wind carried the remains of winter in the air. You feared that your excuses would turn useless once it became summer. What would you say then to hide the marks? Likely, concealer would become your best friend.

———

You met Heeseung first as a junior. On the very first day of school, he caught a glimpse of your scars from underneath the thin cardigan you wore as an excuse when you raised your hand to use the restroom. Immediately after you'd left the room he also asked to use the restroom and ran after you. He caught your arm and stopped you from walking. You stared back at him, wide eyed and tried to tug your arm away. "Y/n, right?" His eyes were kind and he smiled kinda sideways, his eyebrows furrowed in worry. You nodded weirdly. "Uh, yeah. Heeseung...right?"

"Yeah." He said under his breath. His grip loosened on your arm and you let it limply fall to your side. "Are you...okay?" He asked.

You crossed your arms and made a confused face, "Yeah, why do you ask?"

"I'm not falling for it." He crossed his arms as well and stared down at you. "I know what self harm scars look like." His gaze flickered away and his voice quieted. "Uh, my older sister..."

"I'm sorry." You said softly. He glanced back at you. "Don't be." He held out a hand, eyes warm and deep. "Please, I want to help you."

And if you weren't standing in the middle of a high school hallway just then, you might have burst into tears. You finally felt seen.

———

"I love you so much, did you know that?" Heeseung kissed the side of your neck. You held him close to yourself and smiled. "I do know that. Did you know I love you more?"

Heeseung shook his head. "It can't be possible you love me more." He laughed lowly. You ran your fingers through his hair and tilted his chin up so he would look at you. You smiled sadly. "You're so sweet."

"I wish I found you earlier."

You shook your head. "I'm just happy you found me at all."

"I'm happy you're not hurting anymore." Heeseung glanced at you. "But if you ever are, I'm right here."

"I'm right here for you too." You whispered. "Forever and always."