i open my eyes slowly to the darkness of the box car, realizing that jahseh hadn't woken up to open the doors yet.

jahseh.

my eyes widen as i realize that jahseh is still pressed against me, fast asleep. his soft snores assure me that he's in a deep sleep though, and i don't have to worry about him waking up anytime soon.

i attempt to slowly remove jahseh's hands from around me, but he just puts them right back where they were, groaning softly.

"stop it." he mumbles.

"i wanna check what time it is." i tell him, as an excuse to get out from his hold. "it's not time for us to get up yet." he mumbles.

"jahseh." i whine.

"fine." he mumbles, removing his arms from around me. i get up from where i am and realize that the train's still moving, so i open the sliding doors carefully, cautiously moving to ensure that i don't accidentally fall out of the train.

jahseh's still on the floor with his eyes closed, but i can tell that he's not asleep anymore.

"does the train make it's first stop soon?" i ask him.

"i don't know, what time is it?" jahseh asks, and i quickly burn red with embarrassment, realizing that i didn't check the time like i told him i was going to.

i grab my phone and check the time.

10:13 am.

"it's 10:13 am." i tell him. he hums, stretching a bit. "yeah, we should stop in fifteen minutes or so." his strained voice says, returning to his original resting position.

"we're gonna go to a pool and wash up." he says, finally opening his eyes to look at me. his dark brown eyes make my breath catch in my throat, and i just find myself staring back into them, as the sun flickers with every tree and power line that we pass by.

"mhm." is the only thing i can manage to get out, averting my eyes from his.

"did you bring a towel with you when you decided to run away?" jahseh asks with a smirk. "fuck, i knew i forgot something." i scold myself.

"that's okay, you can use mine." jahseh says with a yawn, sitting up. "wait-"

"don't freak out, it's clean." he says. "i get it washed."

"how do you wash it-"

"no questions." he groans in annoyance.

"sorry." i say, still fiddling with my fingers. "stop apologizing, you're killing me." he says, standing up and walking towards me. he wastes no time pulling me into a hug, rubbing my back. my eyes widen at the gesture, as i'm genuinely surprised by my actions.

"hug me back." he says lowly. i do as he says and wrap my arms around him, breathing in his scent. he smells surprisingly good for a kid that's been train hopping for months.

jahseh lets go of me and goes to a corner of the boxcar, pulling out a black backpack.

"all of my belongings, in here." he says, tossing the bag to me. i look at him before opening it up, and digging around, pulling a towel out when i feel its material.

"thank you." i say.

"yeah yeah." he waves me off.

i set the towel down, walking to my duffel bag and pulling my toothbrush and toothpaste out of it, along with a bottle of water.

i sit on the edge of the boxcar, watching as the scenery zooms past us at a terrifying rate, and the train chugs as fast as it can to its next destination.

i put toothpaste on my toothbrush, and open the waterbottle, pouring a bit of the water on it.

i feel a presence behind me, and then, arms around my waist.

"jah-"

"i'm holding on to you so that you don't fall out of the car, dumbass." he says, and i nod, seeing that this isn't a bad idea.

i begin to brush my teeth, admiring the bright sun and green grass as i do so, and when i'm done, i lean over, with the reassurance of jahseh's arms around me, and spit the toothpaste out, rinsing my mouth out with the water in the waterbottle.

"thank you." i tell jahseh, and he removes his arms from me, letting me stand up and put my things away.

jahseh goes to brush his teeth and i do the same for him, holding on to him.

soon, the train slows, and finally stops.

"that's our cue, sunshine." jahseh smiles, grabbing his backpack. "bring some clothes with you." he tells me.

i dig around in the old navy bags and pull out sweatpants and a hoodie, along with a pair of panties.

fuck, how did i forget to grab a bra?

i grab my soap and shampoo as well. "alright, i'm ready." i say, holding my clothes in my hands.

"grab something to eat." he nods to our pile of food. i nod and walk over to the pile, grabbing a bag of cheetos and jumping off the car. jahseh jumps off behind me, leading the way.

"are you sure this is okay? that we're not gonna get caught?" i ask jahseh. "i'm sure, i do it all the time."

after a bit of walking, and people looking at us strangely as we pass them by, we arrive at a pool.

there's only a few people at the pool, and life guards are on duty as well. i look to jahseh expectantly, waiting on him to tell me our next move.

"jump the fence." he tells me. "what the hell? i'm not-"

"jump the fucking fence, billie." jahseh says in an aggravated tone, rolling his eyes.

"fine." i huff, stuffing my clothes and soaps in his arms, and quickly and effortlessly jumping the fence.

"that obviously wasn't your first time doing that." jahseh smirks. "now i'm curious as to what your parents tried to send you to boarding school for."

i ignore his comment as he throws his backpack and my clothes over, and i catch them. he hops the fence as quickly as i did, then grabs his backpack from me.

"now come on." he grabs my hand, leading me to the locker rooms / showers. they're pretty empty, actually, as everyone is too busy splashing around in the pool and enjoying themselves.

"when you're done drying off, come in the boy's locker room and give me the towel." he tells me, walking off into the boy's locker room without giving me time to respond.

i sigh and walk into the girl's locker room, finding a stall all the way in the back, locking myself in it. i strip myself of my clothes and turn on the water, lathering some of the soap in my hands and proceeding to wash myself.

i wash my hair the best that i can too, and rinse it out in the ice cold water.

worst. shower. ever.

the water is fucking freezing.

i shake myself off and dry off with the towel that jahseh gave me, pulling on my clothes.

next time we go shoplifting, i should grab a bra.

i mean, i have a couple with me, but they're comfort bras, not actual ones. i need support, my boobs are growing.

i remember jahseh's instructions to go into the boy's locker room.

god, let's just get this over with.

i march out of the girl's locker room with my clothes and soaps in hand, walking into the boy's locker room. i only hear one shower running, which i assume is jahseh's, so i follow the sound, arriving at a shower with no stall door or curtain.

and there's a naked jahseh, with water cascading down his body. i discover his other tattoos that i didn't see before, the ones on his body and arms, and the huge "cleopatra" tattoo on his chest. my eyes gaze down his body, from his chest, to his abs, to his v-line, to his-

i shamefully look away. "jahseh." i say quietly, though i doubt he can hear me under the water.

"hm?" i see him look my way in my peripheral, and he's completely unfazed by the fact that he's naked in front of me.

i stick my arm out, with the towel in my hand, still refusing to look at him.

"oh, thanks, princess." he takes the towel from me. "just wait in here, i don't wanna risk you getting found."

i nod my head, walking off in another direction with my things in my arms, standing in front of an empty stall.

wow. that's the first time i've seen a guy's-

shut it, billie.

but god, it was a nice size.

stop being a fucking pervert.

i roll my eyes at myself and wait patiently for jahseh to finish drying off and putting his clothes on.

soon i hear his footsteps come towards me, and i look at him, seeing him fully dressed, with his old clothes in his hand.

"let's blow this bitch." he says with a smile. the gold chain on his neck shines and glimmers, making his skin look even more golden brown than it already is.

i follow behind jahseh out of the locker rooms, and the two of us proceed to jump back over the fence.

"where you wanna go? we got time before the train leaves again." jahseh asks, looking over at me as we walk in the destination of god knows where.

"i'm still hungry." i shrug. "let's get something to eat then." he says.

somewhere along our trek we decide on going to starbucks, and jahseh leads the way.

"any dietary restrictions?" jahseh asks.

"no dairy. or meat. or any animal products." i tell him. he scrunches up his face at me, his expression a mixture of disappointment, shock and confusion.

"you gotta be shitting me."

i shake my head.

"wait, you're fucking serious?"

i nod.

"well, i guess i shouldn't be too surprised, you are from los angeles, after all. them bitches over there eat grass for fun." jahseh shrugs, as we walk up to the starbucks.

"wait, are we gonna steal stuff from here too?" i whisper, and jahseh shakes his head. "no, i actually have money." he says.

him and i walk into the starbucks, and people stare, of course, because i'm "a little white girl with a tatted up black boy", as jahseh likes to say. and also because jahseh's carrying a backpack on his shoulders and i just have an armful of clothes and soap that i'm carting around.

jahseh walks up to the counter and i stand behind him shyly.

"whatchu want?" turns his head to me.

"a donut." i say quietly.

"a donut, please." jahseh says with a smile.

"will that be a regular donut? or will you prefer it without gluten-"

"a vegan donut, please." jahseh cuts the girl off. "will that be all?" she asks. "you want sum'n to drink?" jahseh asks me.

"peppermint latte." i say quietly.

"peppermint latte." jahseh says to the lady. "don't ask any questions, just make the shit vegan, please." jahseh says, clearly getting irritated by the barista.

"will that be all?" she asks after tapping a couple times on her screen.

"yes." jahseh says, pulling out his wallet.

"you aren't going to get anything?" i ask. "nah, i'm straight. we got food in the car." jahseh says. the barista tells him the total and jahseh gives her the money. the barista turns to me. "can i have your name?" she asks.

"billie." i say, and she nods with a smile. "okay billie, we'll have your order ready in a bit."

jahseh and i go sit down at one of the tables, and i tap my foot up and down nervously.

"was it a mistake to tell her my real name? should i have given her a fake name? oh my god, they're gonna find me-"

"shut the fuck up." jahseh says, narrowing his eyes at me. "you worry too much, stop speaking the shit into existence. you'll be okay, you're fine. stop jumping the gun." he says. i nod, "yeah, you're right, sorry."

"stop apologizing." he tells me.

i nod once more, directing my eyes at the table.

"billie?" i hear someone yell out after a couple minutes. i see the barista holding up my cup and my donut on a napkin. i get up from the table with jahseh following behind me, and grab the cup and the donut from the barista. "thank you!" i tell her, and jahseh and i walk out of the starbucks.

i look at the cup to see the word "billy" scrawled across it.

"i can't even fault them for spelling my name wrong, not everybody spells billie with an 'ie' at the end." i shrug, taking a sip from the drink.

god, that's good.

"thanks jahseh!" i say in gratitude, smiling at him. he smiles back, "you're welcome, sunshine." he says.

"now come on, let's hurry back to the train before it leaves our asses."

[̲̅*][̲̅*][̲̅*][̲̅*][̲̅*]

"what made you decide to get this?" i ask jahseh, poking his neck, referring to his elephant tattoo, which might i add, is very attractive.

"don't fucking poke me." he says in an aggravated tone, slapping my hand away.

i'm about to furrow my eyebrows and fire off at him, but i remember what jahseh said to me the first morning we met.

"i'm bipolar as hell, so don't take it to heart if i snap at you."

i giggle. "sorry."

"this elephant represents the elephant in the room, which is something that is so, so obvious, but everyone refuses to talk about." he points to his neck.

"when did you get it?" i ask.

"a few months ago." he shrugs.

"what about that 'cleopatra' on your chest?" i ask him. "that's my mom's name." he mumbles, closing his eyes and leaning up against the wall. our silence fills the car, as the rumbles and shakes of the train make us wobble a bit.

"why'd you get her name tatted on your chest?" i ask. "because i love her." he says quietly. i nod, even though he can't see me, and sit beside him leaning against the wall just like him.

"we have another stop, did you wanna go back outside or just stay inside the car?" jahseh asks, the bright sun reflecting off his skin. "i think we should definitely go outside and stretch our legs." i tell him.

jahseh nods, taking his back off of the wall and laying himself across my lap, facing me. my body heats up at the action, but i try my best to keep cool.

"you think so loud it's fucking ridiculous." jahseh laughs obnoxiously, his pretty white teeth shining in his mouth.

"how does someone think loud? you sound like a dumbass." i respond, and he shakes his head, still smiling. "it's all about your body language, you facial expressions, and the energy you give off. as soon as i laid down on you you stiffened up, very obviously. loosen up, sunshine." he tells me.

i begin to play in his hair to try to release some of the tension and nervousness in my body. my neck tics and i roll my eyes at the terrible timing.

"you good?" jahseh asks, raising an eyebrow.

"mhm." i respond.

"i've noticed you've been doing that, with your neck a lot. what's up with that?" he asks curiously.

"tourette's." i say, avoiding his eyes but continuing to play in his hair. the expression on his face tells me that he doesn't know what it is, so i sigh and prepare myself for explaining.

"it's involuntary muscle spasms, or tics, that occur in the body. the condition is rare, and the severity and frequency varies from each person." i inform him, and he nods. 

"you learn something new everyday." he says. "does it hurt?" he asks. i shake my head. "not for me, it doesn't. for some people, yeah."

jahseh reaches his hand up and lightly tugs on my hair. i bite my lip at this, and the action surprises me, as i didn't think i would do that. jahseh does it again and i feel a little flutter down there.

jahseh laughs lightly. "what, does that turn you on or sum'n?" he asks. my face reddens at his question. "i'm not sure." i say quietly.

jahseh turns his attention back to my hair. "this your natural color?" he says lowly.

"mhm." i say. "i wanna dye it though."

"what color?"

"silver. or white. either one."

-

written on friday, december 4th, 2020

published on friday, january 29th, 2021

-

i updated a day early! woohoo!

stay tuned, in a few more chapters they'll be in arizona!

is there anything you wanna see? taking all suggestions!

i love you all and thank you for reading!

-symone