tw: sexual assault

jahseh carries me out of the pool bridal style, my wet arms around his neck, his wet arms around my soaking wet bathingsuit, the bathingsuit that encapsulates my shivering cold body in the late night wind.

"it's late, we should be getting back anyway." i whisper, and he sets me down, wrapping my towel around me. "let's go rinse ourselves off and change back into our clothes, we'll get going." he agrees.

after the both of us are done, we walk hand and hand back to the tracks, and into the train, where we set down our wet bathing items.

"that was fun, wasn't it?" jahseh rasps in a tired voice, referring to our little swim. i shrug and try to hide a smile, not trying to let him catch on to the idea that i actually did in fact have fun. "yeah, i guess it was." i shrug, dragging my pointer finger across the floor of the car to avoid his eyes.

"i know it was scary for you at first, but you were enjoying yourself, i could tell." the smile he gives me, coupled with that raspy voice of his, sends intense chills throughout my body, and i shake myself a little bit to get rid of them.

"i take back my opinion on pools. but any other body of water can suck a dick."

"i'll take that." he laughs, dapping me up. "you should massage my scalp." i say randomly, and he tilts his head, a mischievous smile appearing. "what makes you think i'm gonna do that?"

"because i asked."

he pauses.

"you right." he laughs, and i sit in between his legs, waiting for him to get to work. soon his fingers are entangled in my hair, and rubbing my scalp slowly.

"your hair's still kinda damp." he rasps. i shake my head lightly, "it'll dry up soon."

after a bit of comfortable silence, i'm able to pick up the sound of jahseh's lips parting, as if he's about to speak.

"so, do you think that maybe one day i could coerce you into letting me take you to a beach?"

i laugh lowly at his question, rolling my eyes playfully, carefully picking out my words.

"i'll let you coerce me, yes, but that doesn't mean that i'll go through with it."

he groans, and i can practically feel the eyeroll. "just let me do romantic shit with you, fuck."

"you're doing romantic shit with me right now, you're massaging my scalp." i point out. jahseh sighs softly, "you're right."

"baby steps, baby." i say, and he kisses my cheek, "you're right."

"i always am."

it's not long before jahseh's lips are on me again, but this time they're on my neck, the right side of my neck, the soft texture of his lips raising goosebumps on my skin. his hands are removed from my hair entirely, and his arms are suddenly secured around my waist, gentle kisses on me neck sending a shiver through me.

his energy is lively, and as he's holding me like this, from behind, sitting on the floor, his aura is a bright bright red, or at least, that's the color that i'm getting. each times his lips touch my skin, a wave of red washes over me, and this color can be for a myriad of emotions, but right now, i can pinpoint it to one.

lust.

the kissing stops as soon as the sucking begins, and the red turns from bright to dark, a sultry scarlett that overshadows the bright crimson that was drowning me a second ago. my sense flies out of the window as i let him do as he pleases, his warm hands making their way up my shirt and glide across my skin. i'm dazed, drunk off this dark red that's filling every part of me. i'm intoxicated, my vision is blurry and my mind is cloudy. 

i'm only snapped out of it when i feel his teeth sink into my skin.

"jahseh." i blurt out, and he removes his teeth from my skin, but his arms stay in place. 

"hm?"

"sorry i- i blacked out for a bit, i think." i say, trying to describe the dazed feeling. his hands shift on my skin, the skin under my loose tshirt, and his scarlett red softens a bit, into a dark rose pink.

"do you want me to stop? are you not okay with this?" he asks softly, the vibrations of his voice near my ear making me melt. "i'm... not really sure." i respond, biting my lip. instead of searching for the next words to us, i turn my head slightly and put my lips on this, somehow being more comforted with his lips on mine, rather than his lips on my skin.

one thing leads to another and i'm straddling him as he lays on the floor, completely surprised at my sudden dominance. i know this because i can feel it in the way he's kissing me, that he's going to succumb to whatever i want to do.

eventually i pull away from him and sit up completely, trying to catch my breath.

"that was fun." i mumble.

"so why'd you stop?" he chuckles. i run a hand through my hair- a bad habit.

"i had to stop, or else i'd keep going. and i don't think i'm ready to keep going." i finally answer him in a whisper. his smile remains on his face and he just nods, putting his hands on my hips. "and i'm perfectly okay with that."

jahseh's words make me smile, grateful that he's willing not to make any serious advances towards me.

the both of us stare into each other's eyes, stuck under a spell that we can't quite put a name on yet.

but the sound of a door sliding open snaps us out of it.

a man stands in the doorway, and his eyes immediately land on us. he quickly grabs his walkie talkie, "we have two strays in car four." he practically lunges at us, and jahseh and i scramble to get up, grabbing our belongings and running into the car behind us. we run and run and run, and we don't stop running, but neither does the guy that caught us.

suddenly i'm grabbed, quite literally grabbed, and i freeze in place.

"stop it finneas, what the fuck are you doing?" i yell, shoving him off of me. he tries again to get on top of me, but i shove him once more.

"you're drunk, get the fuck out of my room." i say, but he quickly grabs me, pinning me down onto my bed.

"get the fuck off of me you fucking psychopath!" i scream louder, and his hands hold down my wrists, as he sits on top of my abdomen.

"stop resisting." he says, putting both of my wrists in one hand and slapping me across my face with the other. i go to hit him back but i realize my hands are still restricted.

he pulls up my shirt, and runs his hand across my tits, tugging at the material of my bra. he reaches under and unclips it, then lets go of my hands, quickly pulling it and my shirt off of me before restraining my wrists almost immediately. 

"damn, i didn't think you had tits that big under those big ass shirts you wear." he mumbles, laughing quietly and running his hands across them again, grabbing one.

"stop it!" i scream, wiggling myself around in his grip. he rolls his eyes and pulls a gun out of his waistband, his gun, and points it to my head. "stop resisting, i'm not gonna say it again."

and so, with the threat to my life, i stop.

i look at the clock. 

6:17 pm.

in the next thirteen minutes, my virginity is stolen and my innocence is ripped away from me- but to be honest, that was gone a long time ago, anyway.

and i'm left here, naked and cold; healing from the panic of a gun pointed to my head, and the stab of betrayal from someone who's supposed to love and protect me.

the pain inbetween my legs is unbearable, and there's blood on the sheets, leaking from where finneas has just been not too long ago.

and suddenly this feeling of emptiness has overcome me, this feeling of gut wrenching despair, but what else could i have done with a gun to my head, knowing full well that he wouldn't have hesitated to pull the trigger?

tears stream from my eyes and run down the sides of my face, running into the dips and folds of my ears, and the only sound in my room is my constant sniffling, because i'm in too much pain to even get up to grab some tissue.

i feel his touch all over me, all i can think about is him, as if his hands are still on me and he's still forcing himself into me. it's horrendous, staring down the barrel of his gun-

"you need to fucking run! snap out of it!" jahseh's voice brings me back to reality, and i'm instantly reminded of the situation i'm currently in, and all that's in my mind is jahseh's words.

run

and so i run.

we reach the very last car and the man is still following us, along with several others. the next words that come out of jahseh's mouth strike fear in my heart.

"we have to jump!"

i shake my head, my heart pounding, feeling light, and i get dizzy.

"we can't! we'd fucking die!" i say. "i'm going to hold onto you. our backpacks will break most of our fall."

the men are getting closer, and i shake my head again. "we can't!"

"it's either this or we get caught! do you trust me?"

"of course-"

time goes slow as jahseh opens the door, the scenery racing past us, and i don't even have time to think before he grabs me, holding onto me tightly, as he goes down the ladder, and jumps.

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monday, march 1st, 2021 | tuesday, march 2nd, 2021 & wednesday, march 3rd, 2021

published on friday, march 5th, 2021

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