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i tiptoe quietly out of my room with my duffle bag over my shoulder, as i try my best not to breathe too loud, passing by my brother's open room. i roll my eyes at his loud snores, walking quietly further down the hallway.

i walk past my parent's closed door, but backtrack, standing in front of it with sad eyes.

i can't be sad. i have to go.

i place my hand on the door, and put my forehead against it.

"i'm sorry." i whisper, then pull away from the door before i change my mind. i cascade down the stairs, and quickly walk towards the front door. i turn around to face my house, the last time i'm ever going to see it.

my eyes scan over all the family pictures, the furniture, the decor...

i shake my head. snap out of it. there's no turning back now.

i take a look at the clock above the mantle. 3:09 am.

"let's do this." i whisper to myself, opening the front door and walking out of it, breathing the crisp crack of dawn air, closing the door behind me with a quiet click.

i'm free.

i walk hurriedly down the street, checking my duffle bag at the same time, to make sure that i have everything i need.

"waterbottles, check... extra pair of shoes, check... food, check... phone, check... shit, i might need a new one so they can't trace me." i mumble to myself.

we live by the trains that run throughout this town, and i've been studying the train schedule for the last few weeks, planning my escape.

there should be a train ready to leave in the next twenty minutes.

i pull my hoodie up over my head so that no one can see me, and i pick up my pace, breaking into a light jog, as not to look too suspicious.

as i run through this town, i stare at everything through a sad lens. i don't want to leave this town, but the people in it. that's my driving force. i have to get out of here, i won't be able to stand another second-

i trip over something and fall onto the ground, and i quickly scold myself for being too lost in my thoughts. i get back up and brush myself off, continuing to jog in the direction of the tracks.

i begin to hear the sounds of train horns and smile to myself, realizing that i'm getting close.

i duck behind storage units and vehicles, avoiding the workers that are loading things onto the train.

pulling my phone out of my pocket, i sink onto the ground behind a tree. i look up the schedule for the trains, the one im supposed to catch being the one to arizona.

wait a second.

time of departure: 3:20 am.

what the hell? the time was changed? all this time, for weeks, the time of departure has been 3:30 am. i check the time-

shit! it's 3:21 am.

i look up in horror to see a train pulling off, and i quickly scramble up from my spot on the ground, racing towards the train, with no regard for being seen by the workers.

the train speeds away but i run in tune with it, yelling, "stop!" and "slow down!"

i pick up my pace, catching up to an open car, but not being able to see inside of it, as i'm too focused on how i'm going to jump into it without severely hurting myself.

"slow down!" i yell, and to my surprise, someone sticks their head out of the car. a boy, couldn't be but a year older than me, with caramel skin that glistens in the moonlight, and facial tattoos that reflect off that light. his dreads are short, and dark brown- well, that's what i think the color is, wi can't tell, as it's too dark.

he narrows his eyes to me, looking at me in confusion.

"help!" i say, not realizing that this is a total stranger and he could give a rat's ass about me. he rolls his eyes, as half of his body leans out of the car.

"give me your bag!" he yells, and i take it off as im running, throwing it to him. he quickly disappears into the car, and i feel like he's abandoned me, but he appears in front of me once more, reaching his hands out to me. i run as fast as i can toward his hands and latch onto them with mine, as he uses all his strength to pull me up into the car with him.

we collapse onto each other, exhausted and out of breath.

the boy quickly pushes me off of him, looking at me with a slightly angered expression, tainted with annoyance.

"who the hell are you? and what the fuck are you doing trying to train hop? what are you, fourteen?"

i nod my head shyly, and he sighs heavily, leaning against the wall of the car and letting his body rest.

"who are you?" he repeats himself. "i- i'm billie. billie o'connell, nice to meet you." i say, reaching my hand out to shake his. he gives me a weird look but shakes my hand anyway.

"i'm jahseh." he says, averting his eyes from me, and staring out into the early morning sky, the moonlight doing an even better job of encapsulating the pretty shade of brown that is his skin.

"what are you doing train hopping?" he asks, repeating his question from earlier, finally looking back at me. his dark eyes make my breath catch, and i lose train of thought as i stare back into them.

"hello? do you talk?" he snaps his fingers, and i shake myself out of it. "s-sorry. i'd... i'd rather not talk about it." i say, fiddling with my fingers.

"you're gonna have to talk about it at some point, i helped you get into this car, i deserve a fucking explanation." he says, slightly frustrated, crossing his arms.

"i just want to disappear." i say, looking at him. "i don't want to say anymore than that. at least, not right now." he sighs, looking back out at the sky. "how old are you?" i ask, attempting to get more information from him.

"fifteen." he responds. "i'm from florida."

my eyes widen at him, "florida? you came all the way to california from florida?!"

"first of all, stop being so fucking loud, you're gonna get us caught. and two, yes. i've been train hopping for a few months now." he pushes my duffle bag towards me. "my reason for train hopping is the opposite of yours. i didn't want to disappear, as i was already invisible in everyone's eyes. so why stay somewhere i'm not wanted?" he says, shrugging his shoulders. i see past his front, sensing sadness in his tone.

"i get it-"

"do you?" he snaps his head towards me. "maybe not." i look back down at my hands.

suddenly, jahseh laughs, and i look up at him in confusion. "what's funny?" i ask. "billie." he laughs. "come on, that can't be on your birth certificate."

his laugh makes me crack a smile. "it is, i swear to god. my parents named me after my grandfather, william. those fucking nutjobs, giving me a guy's name."

"but i dig it." he says, smiling at me. "it fits you." i tuck my hair behind my ear at his compliment, looking down to avoid him seeing me blushing.

"what's in the bag?" he asks, nodding to my duffle bag. i remember that i have the bag in the first place and grab it, unzipping it and sliding it to him. "you can have some food out of there if you want, as thanks for helping me out." he looks at me with a raised eyebrow before digging around in the bag and pulling out a twinkie, sliding the bag back to me.

"are you sure that's all you want-"

"i'll be fine, thanks for the food." he says, opening up the twinkie and putting the entire thing in his mouth, chewing a couple times and swallowing it.

i-

"you're gonna have to be gone by daylight." he tells me, and i look at him in confusion. "what are you talking about?"

"when your folks find out that you're gone, and they send out a search for you, and find you with me," he points to himself with my thumb, "i'm probably gonna get executed or some shit."

i laugh nervously, "executed? for what?"

jahseh looks at me like i'm dumb, and walks over to me, sitting in front of me. he grabs my hand, and puts his hand beside mine.

oh, i see what he means now.

"i'll be charged with stealing their precious little white girl and 'poisoning you with my ways'." he says, letting my hand go. "i don't need that shit on me."

he looks out the open boxcar at the scenery racing by us as the train goes at full speed. "my skin is a weapon in their eyes, it gives them a reason to charge me, no matter what i've done or how little evidence they have." he looks back at me. "so, billie o'connell, you need to be gone by daylight." i shake my head frantically. "my parent's won't even care, trust me. they were about to send me to boarding school, that's why i ran." i say, but quickly regret it, as i didn't want to tell him all my business.

"ah, so the truth is revealed." he leans back a bit, with a small smirk on his face. he studies my face for a few seconds, before rolling his eyes. "in that case, fine, i guess i'll help you."

i cheer excitedly, and he puts a hand up, shutting me down. "when you travel with me, there are rules. number one, when we are out in public, you refer to me as x."

"x?" i ask, tilting my head. "no questions." he says. "number two, you do what i say, no matter what it is. i've been doing this for a long time, and as a newbie, you're going to follow my lead. i'll ensure that we won't get caught, and that nothing happens to us."

"number three, i can drop you any time i want to. meaning, don't piss me off, and don't get me angry." he glances at the floor of the car for a second before looking back at me. "i'm bipolar as hell, so don't take it to heart if i snap at you." he mumbles. he quickly regains his composure. "got it?"

"got it." i nod.

"oh, and one more thing. you and i? we're going to be open and honest with each other. if you're going to train hop with me, and if i'm going to harbor you, a missing person, then we might as well learn about each other. i don't want to be carting around a stranger."

"that's a deal." i nod with a smile. his eyes linger on my lips for a couple seconds before he looks back up on my eyes. "nice to meet you, billie o'connell."

-

written on thursday, december 3rd, 2020

published on saturday, january 16th, 2021

-

hey everyone!

im not releasing releasing this book, i'm just releasing the first chapter so that you guys can get the gist of the story and i just wanted to give you guys a little sneak peek.

please add this book to your libraries because who knows, i could update again!

PLEASE VOTE! YES YOU HIT THAT LITTLE STAR AT THE TOP OF YOUR SCREEN!

- symone