THIS STORY HAS JUST REACHED #22 IN BILLIE AND #91 IN XXXTENTACION! SKFJAKHSKFHKSHJHF

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i walk out of the front doors of the hotel, adjusting my chain.

the last thing i wanted to do was leave billie by herself, and honestly, i did want to take her with me, but i'm trying to be focused on the task at hand. if i brought her with me i'd want to do nothing but spend time with her, so i eliminated the distraction before she even got her hopes up for coming with me.

it made me a little sad to leave her, yes, but she'll be okay. she's a tough girl.

it's a little hard for me to admit, but there's no way i can deny it. my feelings for her are growing stronger and stronger every day.

i promised myself that i wouldn't get attached to someone that was already broken, because it would reset all the progress i've made on myself, and i'd use all my efforts to build that person back up again, completely neglecting myself and all my needs.

i don't really like to use the term "broken" to describe billie, but in all honesty, that's what she is. she's not whole, and i can see it in her face. i can see it in her eyes. i can see it in the way she carries herself. yeah she's free spirited, and she can be happy for the most part, but i can see right through her. there's a huge void in her, where her peace and serenity has been ripped out of her body and forced back in again. because life moves on, right?

i shake my head at the thought, directing my attention back to the here and now, maneuvering around people.

i'm going to try my best to attempt to get a job. it doesn't have to be an actual one, i can do odd jobs. this isn't really for me to get money, because i have plenty of it. it's just that, i need to give myself something to do so that i'm not with billie 24/7. we're both teenagers with hormones, and i'm sure you know what i'm trying to say.

and although i'd love to fuck- have sex with billie, we all know about her traumatic past, and i don't want to accidentally overstep a boundary. because we all know that i'm the king of overstepping boundaries and pushing limits as far as i can. and me being together with her all hours of the day is only going to make the sexual tension greater. and like i said, i don't want to put myself in that situation especially if i wouldn't be able to control myself.

i brush through people, keeping my hands in my pockets. i look around for any potential job opportunities, like a mom and pop shop, a fast food joint, or something of the sort.

i bump into someone. "sorry about that, my bad." i say sincerely. "oh don't worry, it's okay." the woman waves me off, continuing about her way. i reach in my pocket and pull out the wallet i just swiped from her, opening it and smiling.

full of cash, only one card.

i take the cash for myself and close the wallet, tossing it to the side. as much as i want to use her card, i don't want to be thrown in jail for fraud, but even worse, i don't want to be tracked, and risk billie being found.

i walk absentmindedly, just letting my eyes wander around until i spot a "help needed" sign, and i make a beeline there without even looking at the storefront.

i walk into the place, and look around at souvenirs, t-shirts, a small ice cream bar, and thousands of other trinkets.

a gift shop.

well i guess this isn't so bad.

a woman is at the cash register, pressing some buttons on it, and there are a few people shopping around. i make my way to the woman at the cash register, and try my hardest not to look too intimidating.

she looks up from what she's doing and her eyes widen ever so slightly, but she covers it up with a smile. "hi there. can i help you?" she asks. "you're hiring, right?" i ask. she nods slowly, looking around for a bit before directing her attention back to me. "yes we are. you're interested?"

i nod my head.

"well darling, how old are you?" she asks, now leaning on the counter with her arms. "i'm fifteen." i tell her, giving her a smile. "i'm jahseh."

"well jahseh, you're in luck, because we need someone to help keep inventory around here." she says, genuinely smiling this time. "well, here's the thing about that." i tell her. "i'm only going to be here in arizona for a week, i'm here on vacation with my family. my mom told me to try and find a job while i'm out here, so i can make some pocket money to spend on souvenirs and stuff." i shrug, coming up with this lie off the top of my head. the woman knits her eyebrows together, and grins with her teeth showing. "well isn't that the cutest thing? i'm the manager, so sure, i'll hire you for the week, sweetheart. you'll be making seven dollars an hour, is that okay?"

"yes ma'am, that's fine." i nod. "how many hours do you feel comfortable working?"

"whatever you'll give me."

"is six hours okay?"

"yes ma'am."

"great. you're hired. welcome to the shop, jahseh." she holds her hand out, and i shake it. "now, let me show you around."

over the course of an three hours, the manager, who i've come to know as jill, has showed me around, instructed me on how to do my job, and that she'll pay me everyday for all the hours i work. 

i like jill, she's enjoyable, and fun to be around.

she's letting me start today, and she left for a bit to go have a nametag made for me. honestly, i've never had a job before, so having my name on a nametag is fulfilling.

i've already started taking inventory for a lot of the items in this huge gift shop, and it can be tiring at times, yes, but it gives me something to do.

i look around in the store as i'm taking inventory, trying to see if i can find something to bring back to billie. i don't want to bring her back any food, as we have enough of that. and i don't think she would have any uses for some of the things in here.

i set down the clipboard and pencil i'm holding, perusing the aisles in search of something i think she'll like. there are trinkets with names on them, but i doubt i'll find billie's name on one of them, because her name is unconventional.

abby

abeline

addison

adriana

allison

amy

amanda

andy

archie 

bailey

bella

billie

"ah, so there is one." i mumble, picking up the necklace with billie's name on it. i don't wanna just take this, because i like jill, and i'd feel bad for stealing from her store. besides, it'd have no value if i didn't pay for it.

i feel my phone vibrating in my pocket, and i pull it out, checking the contact.

speak of the devil.

"ms. jill, can i take this call real quick?" i call out. "go ahead, sweetheart." she responds from the back room. i answer the call and put the phone up to my ear.

"hey baby." i answer, and i hear her soft laugh on the other end. "don't call me that, bozo."

"but you liked it though."

"maybe i did."  she sighs. "is everything okay? did you manage to find something? you've been gone for a while."

"yes, i managed to find something." i inform her, looking around to see if there are any customers that need my assistance. "i'm working at a gift shop."

"aw, look at you! doing something with yourself."

"don't push it." i roll my eyes. billie's silent, and i can practically see her playing with the tips of her hair. "when are you gonna be back?"

"in about three hours." i say. "why, you miss me?"

"unfortunately." she says with a small laugh. "when you get back, we should order room service."

"hell yeah." i agree, the idea sitting heavy in my mind, and giving me something to look forward to when i get off work. well, something other than spending time with billie. "i'm in the mood for wings."

"ew, meat."

"ew, vegans."

"fuck you. be safe please. i'm cold without anyone to cuddle with."

"please, those hotel covers are thick as fuck, you should be fine."

"yeah dumbass, i know that, but i want your body heat." she says. "someone's becoming needy." i tease her. "and someone's testing my patience." she mocks me.

"i'll be back soon, sunshine." i assure her. "take a nap or something."

"i'll try." she says softly. "be safe, seh."

"i always am." i tell her, and end the call. i put my phone back in my pocket. 

only a few more hours.

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i step out of the elevator and walk down the hallway, honestly quite exhausted, with my hands in my pockets. it's around eight pm now, i spent a couple extra hours wandering the city and memorizing the streets and my whereabouts. i arrive at our room and slide the key card in, opening the door. billie looks away from the tv, and her face lights up at the sight of me.

"aren't you a sight for sore eyes?" she asks with a smile. "i don't know, am i?" i ask, closing the door behind me and walking further into the room, kicking my shoes off. billie gets up from the bed and pulls me into a tight hug. "i missed you, you fucker."

"i missed you too." i pat her head, and she gets on her tippy toes and gives me a quick kiss. she pulls away but i grab her by her neck and bring her back, giving her a proper kiss.

"damn, i missed that." i mumble as i pull away. "you and me both." she giggles. "so did you get any money?" she asks, and i pull out an envelop with thirty seven dollars in it, handing it to billie. "you can have whatever i make."

she grabs the envelope reluctantly. "no way. are you sure?"

i shrug. "i don't really need it." jill originally paid me forty two dollars, but i spent five dollars on that necklace for billie. i pull it out of my pocket, showing it to her.

"ooo, i can't believe my name is actually on something. that's rare."

i clasp the necklace around her neck and move her hair out of the way. "it looks nice on you." i say quietly. "i'm gonna go take a shower, i probably smell like outside."

billie tilts her head, furrowing her eyebrows. "how do you smell like outside? that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard."

"have you ever been around any black people? i mean, seriously." i ask, honestly flabbergasted by her words. "i lived in la." is all she says, with a deadpan face.

"that's fair." i nod, taking off my shirt. it's hot, the arizona sun wasn't playing.

"oh, and also, i pickpocketed some lady while i was walking down the sidewalk." i say, and billie frowns. i pull the money out and begin to count it, as i didn't get the chance to do so when i first stole it.

"two hundred and eighty dollars. who the hell carries around that much cash?" i ask, handing it to billie. "you can have that too."

"i can't take-"

"but you're going to." i say in a firm voice, and she backs down, accepting the money. "i'll be out in a bit." i say, referring to my shower.

i gather some clothes and head into the bathroom, turning the water on. i don't want to keep billie waiting, so i'll just make this quick.

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written on wednesday, february 3rd, 2021 & thursday, february 4th, 2021

published on monday, february 8th, 2021

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hey guys!

i wasn't going to update at all today, but when i saw that this story had moved up even farther in the ranks, i had to celebrate. i can't believe how much love this story's getting, it's insane!

thank you all so much for reading and you guys have no idea how much i appreciate it!

from now i'm going to take a break from updating, because i need to focus my attention back on digitonin. i've been working too much on this book and i need to get back on track.

i love you all!

-symone