There is a long awkward silence. What could I say to Jasper? After everything that has happened I am honestly left shocked and confused. "What?" Jasper asked making me looks up from my feet. "Talk Blue, I have things to do." I noticed as Jasper switched on his feet he trip a little.

"Are you really sober?"

"Yes." He says. "It takes a lot to get me drunk."

"You were drunk not too long ago. You did and said a lot of things I know you won't be to happy about."

Jasper sighed and ran his fingers through this hair. "I remember everything I said and did Blue," he spoke. "Believe me."

I felt the heat crawl up to my face. He remembered. The kiss. The touching. The crying... more important him telling me his feelings about us.

"I.I.I'm sorry." I fumbled at my words.

"Don't say sorry." Jasper stuck his hands in his pocket and looked forward- away from me. "I'm too fücked up."

"You're not," I said walking closer to him. "You just need someone to help-"

"I don't need a fücking doctor." He growled.

"Not a doctor, Jasper. You need someone to be there for you. To comfort you... To love you."

"I am incapable of being loved. Anyone who I have ever cared about has gotten hurt." He said. "That is why I don't need you around me. You need to stay away, Blue."

"No."

Jasper turned and looked at me. "What will it take? For me to get you to stay the fück away from me, hm?"

"You'll have to hurt me really bad."

"I already did." He muttered.

The dance. "What happened?" He frowned confused. "At the dance a couple weeks ago. What really happened?"

"What did they tell you happened?"

"That you got angry or something and decided to hit me."

"Yet you're still here," he chuckled. "They said I hurt you, but here you are. Right here. You're willing to stand face to face with someone who made you cry. With someone who physically caused you pain- willing. Why?"

I took another step forward so we were inches apart and shrugged. "Maybe I'm stupid, but I don't believe that for a second. I never really did."

He smirked and closed the space between us. Reaching up he stroked my cheek. My eyes fluttered closed as he made the small gesturer. "You are a very smart girl Blue. Like I said earlier today- I'm sorry for everything. I'm even sorry for what's to come."

"What do you mean?" I asked opening my eyes.

"Everything I did- everything I do, is for a reason."

I pushed his hand away and took a step back. "You're confusing me."

"You'll understand sooner rather than later." I opened my mouth to speak but stopped when the sound of his phone went off. He reached down in his pocket and answered the call. His eyes never leaving mines as he did so.

"What do you want?"

Jasper hadn't spoken for a while and when he did, it was in a different language. "Sie berühren ihr und eure Toten."

"Verdammt noch mal, ich wage Sie.... Jetzt bye."

I know this sounds crazy but I have never spoken nor learned this language in my entire life- yet I understood bits and pieces of what he said.

Jasper hung up the phone and shoved it back in his pocket. He scanned around him and hummed. "Lets get you out of here okay?" He grabbed my arm and dragged me across the yard.

"What? Why?"

"Because it is not safe here."

I frowned and jerked my arm away from him. "What are you talking about?"

"You are not safe here. Did you not understand?"

"And why not?"

Jasper groaned. "Shît Blue! Can you just trust me and come the fück on?!"

I crossed my arms and gave him a look.

"My world is far too dangerous for you."

I frowned confused at what he has said. "And what? We don't live in the same world?"

"No." he said. "The world I live in is dark, cold and fücked up."

"Sounds like the world I live in too, if you ask me."

Jasper rolled his eyes and shrugged. "As much as this lovely chat is with you, Blue. We have to leave now."

I pulled my arm back. "Not until you tell me who you were on the phone with and why you sounded upset."

"You either come willing or unwilling. Either way you're getting your perky little aśs in my truck right now."

I looked Jasper in the eyes to see if I saw a hint of amusement but there was none. He was serious, but why? What had happened in just that split second for him to change moods?

I pushed past him and headed for the front of his house. I heard him mutter things under his breath but I kept walking. Pushing open the doors to the house, I walked ready to find Isabell when I felt someone pull me to their chest causing me to fall backwards. "What the-"

"What do you think you are doing?" I heard him ask.

I frowned and faced him. "Getting my best friend."

"She will be fine here."

"So she's fine here but I am not?" I asked. "I'm not leaving without my best friend Jasper and that's final."

I looked down at Jaspers clenched fists. His jaw was set tight and his brows were furrowed. "Seth!" He yelled making me jump.

"What?" the twin came from nowhere holding a plate full of all types of fruit. He stuffed some in his mouth as he neared his brother. Jasper grabbed him by his neck and whispered something into his ear. "Alright." He said and walked back from the direction he came from.

"Your mate is handled. Shall we leave now?" I knew he was hiding something. He seemed jittery as if time was running out.

"What did you-"

"Aw, leaving so soon?" I heard someone ask. "And not evening introducing me to your lovely friend?" I turned around and there stood the man from before- Jasper's father. He's changed since I last saw him in the dinning room. Now he's wearing something more causal.

Its weird that this isn't even Jasper's biological father- yet they look so much alike. "Sorry for the way we meet earlier, dear," he grabbed my hand and kissed the top of it. Everything stopped. I knew I was the color of my lipstick right now. "You look even lovelier than I remember."

I felt Jasper near me and he squeezed my waist. I froze.

"Ryan Bradley? Am I correct?"

I nodded my head. "Yes sir."

"Pleasure is all mines," he flashed his smile- and it was beyond beautiful, much like him.

"Okay. This small moment has all be quite wonderful, lads. But we need to go." Jasper grabbed my arm and attempted to pull me away.

"Oh no no." Jasper father said. "Why must you leave so soon?"

I looked over at Jasper. His eyes were set on his father. While he was smiling, Jasper was not having it. "We are leaving," he said. "Now."

"Fine," His father said. "Until we meet again, Ryan. And I'm sure it will be soon."

"N-Nice meeting you Mr. White." I gave him a shy smile and nodded. As he shook my hand I noticed my fingered brushed up against a scar that seemed old. I frowned trying to get a better look but was snapped out of my trance as I was being hauled away by Jasper.

"You as well Ryan," he said. "Jasper."

"Fück off." He snarled. His grip was tight and hard. I tired to get lose and he basically dragged me out of the house and to his car.

Opening the door harshly, he threw me in and slammed it shut. I watched him in a matter of seconds as he got into the car. "Open the gate." He ordered into this phone.

"Jasper."

His breathing was become ragged and his knuckles were turning white at the wheel. "Jasper." I called again.

Nothing.

"I will open this door and throw myself out the car if you do not answer me right this moment."

"Go ahead and try," he said. "The door on your side only opens if I want it to."

I frowned unsure what he meant. "Why did you act that way with your father?"

"That man is not my father." He snarled.

I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest. "Its like I'm talking to a child." There was no use in talking to Jasper. "Take me home."

For the rest of the way I stay silent. I can feel Jasper's eyes on me, but I didn't care. Once he pulled into my driveway, I grab the handle and shook but nothing happens. "Unlock the door."

"There is no lock, love." He says and steps out of the car. I wait for him to open my door and when he does I push past him headed for my house.

I notice my mother is not home and I am thankful. Now was not the time for her to meet Jasper. I don't think there will ever be.

"You're fücking impossible." I heard him mutter as I climb the stairs to my room.

That's it. "Oh, I'm impossible? Jasper, you're eighteen years old acting like you're four! You confuse me more than anything- its like we take a step forward, but then you drag us back two miles." I say. "I get that you possibly don't want to have anything further but a friendship with me- not even that and that's okay. But Jasper I understand that you're going through a lot and you've been through a lot but it is not okay to sit back and push people away. Especially the one person who is dying to get to know you."

"I try and try Jasper. But eventually if one keeps pulling on a rope, its bound to break at some point," I stopped and looked for any hint of facial expression but there was nothing. "You say you don't care about anything or anyone, but I know that's a lie. I know that something has happened to make you this way, but I just wish you would open up and tell me. Sober this time. I cannot help you if you are not willing to help yourself."

"I can't." Is all he says? I cant? He can't?!

"Then I can truly say it was nice knowing you," I kick off my shoes. "I'll send the dresses back. You can show yourself out." I walk over my mirror and reach for the back of my dress to unhook it when I look over my shoulder and see Jasper walking towards me.

"Blue." He says.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "No. Leave. I have nothing to say to you anymore. This friendship- what ever it was is no longer."

"I can't, Blue." He says again.

"You keep saying that!" I face him. "What? What can't you do?"

He shook his head and turned around. "Just-"

"Leave Jasper! You're not talking! Leave!"

"I fücking cant Blue!" He shouts and turns around to face me. "I can't! Believe the fück out of me when I say I can't get you out of my mind! Since the first fücking day I saw you I couldn't grasp why I could not get you out of my mind.. You reminded me so much of her it hurts. That's why I hated you- that's why I loathe the fact of your existence. I told you to stay away because I thought that maybe you would and the image of you would forever fade from my memory. But it didn't. I saw you everyday. Every second to the point when I could not fall asleep," he says. "But here you are with your fücking beautiful brown hair and your big beautiful eyes. You can't get to know me. The person you think I am is only half of what I really am. I don't belong in a world like yours, Blue. I don't."

"So don't you dare sit there and fücking say I don't care. That I do not try because I do. It takes every single breath in my entire body not to end my misery." He stops and shake "I went through a hard time in my life- I still am to this day. Depression, as most would call it. I called it Hell. Because that's what it is. My family and the doctors thought because of the events that is what caused it. But they were wrong. I cannot remember a time when I was not unhappy. It was some time ago when I had been in the shower for a while. She went in to check on me- when she drew back the shower curtains she was shocked."

"There was so much blood dripping.." Jasper stopped and reached up and lifted his shirt up above his head. His actions did not shock me, but what did were the markings that lay across his entire chest.

I took a step forward and frowned. "You did these?" I ran my fingers lightly over the scars. There were so many. Different sizes.. Some were white and some were faintly red. I always thought people who cut themselves only cut their wrist, but this was different. Jasper was cutting his chest.

But what also shocked me were the many bruises and scars that looked like they weren't self inflicted too.

Who could of possibly done this to him?

"Why?" I took a step back and looked up at him. "These are fresh.. Jasper.. No." A tear fell down my cheek and I shook my head. I didn't want him to see me cry, but it was too late.

He gripped my arms and pulled me to him. "Do not cry for me." He spoke. "Don't. Ever." He cleaned a tear off my cheek and lifted my head to meet his.

"Why? Why did you.. Why are you doing this?"

He shrugged. "That's a little hard to answer love. There is no right or wrong reason. Why do some people like ice cream and some don't?" he chuckled to lighten the mood. "I wanted to inflict pain on myself. I thought that nothing could possible hurt me more than what I was going through already."

"Did it hurt?"

"No," he shook his head. "The feeling in numb."

"The girl who found you. Who was she?" I asked. "Was it the same girl in your journal?"

Jasper nodded. He let go of my hands and reached in his pocket pulling out a small folded paper. Handing it to me, I realized it was a picture; Jasper smiling. His arm was around a girl who was looking up at him.

Everything about him seem peaceful. I looked into the boys eyes- it was so much joy, happiness.

It was then when I realized, that boy in the picture was dead. He was no more.

I frowned and examined the picture closely. "She kind of.."

"She looks like you? Yeah. I know." He walked over and leaned up against my dresser.

Is that why Aiden said what he say the first moment we met? Is that why Jasper acts the way he does toward me? Because I look like the girl in this picture? Who ever she is at that...

"Her name was Leah. She was my childhood friend. We grew up together back home. She had the most breathtaking smile. So full of life. That's what made us an odd pair I guess. I was the strange boy who never talked and she was... well Leah."

"So what happened to her?" I asked.

"I ran away to the sates for some months. I knew people, so I went to school down here for about a year. I begged her to come with me, but she couldn't come because she was sick- Leah was diagnosed with cancer when she was five. When I came back, she said it was like she hadn't even noticed me- that I changed. And I had. I left the states pretty fast. Some dangerous people followed me. They watched. They studied my every move. They found out about the person I cared most about."

"I was walking from my flat and I hadn't noticed that I left my cell. Leah had been ringing me ranting about some people following her. It was late that night but I guess she decided to run to my flat for help. I was blocks away but I heard it. I heard the shots. I heard her scream."

"Jasper.." I walked up to him.

"They shot the person I cared most about,'" he said.

"That's why you don't want me? That's why you don't want me to stick around?" I asked.

"I want you- fücking of course I do. But yes. That's why I need you to stay away." Jasper said.

"You loved her." It wasn't a question. I knew. The way he spoke- the look in his eyes.

"Of course. For years I thought I could never possibly have feelings for someone other than Leah," he said. "But then here comes Ryan fücking Bradley. The mysterious girl who left Berlin Hills in a hurry and pops back up. You captured my eyes the moment I saw you."

"Because I remind you of her.." I mutter.

He frowns and grips my hands. "Yeah, you reminded me of her when I first saw you. You're like a bee that's attracted to a flower. You wouldn't stay away- I noticed the night at the dance that you weren't Leah. That you were nothing like her- only better."

I wanted to lighten the mood, so i walked towards him closing the little space we had and smiled. "So what I am hearing is that you like me?"

He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his bare chest. "You know the answer to that."

"If I recall you were out of your mind at the time. I want you to say it. Sober."

Jasper stepped around me and shook his head. "Then you will be waiting for some time, love. Because I am not saying it again."

"Why not?" I pouted.

"I do not want to."

"Why?"

"Fück, Blue. Do I need a reason for everything I do?"

I laughed and nodded. "Um, yeah."

"Well then fück it, because I don't," he cocked his head. "So get over it."

"You're stubborn." I rolled my eyes and groaned.

I heard him chuckle as he neared me. "Aw," he ran his fingers down my arms. "Are you upset, love? Who's the four year old now?"

I liked this side of Jasper. I knew it would not be long before things would go back to normal and he'd go back to hating me once more, but I wanted to take in everything I could. I wanted to spend time with the smiling, carefree Jasper for one more moment.

"You're a jerk." I slapped his hand away from me.

"Hmm, I know," he reached up and ran his finger over my lips. They instantly parted and I looked up at him. His eyes scanned my face, as they lowered to my lips. Inches away from my lips- I thought he would go in for a kiss but he didn't. Instead, he brought his lips to my ear and whispered; "If you even so kiss my brother again. I swear on his life it will not be pretty."

I withdrew and gasped. "H-How..How did.." I shook my head and covered my mouth. "Jasper I am so sorry. But i-it.. things- how did you know?" I finally asked.

He grabbed me by my waist and pulled me to him. "I do not like the fact that he has a chance to explore what is mines," Jaspers hands roamed my lower back, inching closer and closer to my behind.

My eyes fluttered shut and I panted. His lips kissed the base of my neck behind my ear. "I do not belong to you."

He chuckled. "Hmm, I love that you think otherwise love." I yelped in surprise as Jasper smacked me.

"What the- ow!" I caressed the stinging pain that lingered. "That hurt!"

"I can show you how hard it can get if I ever see his hands on you again."

"Jasper," I sighed. "I'm not your girlfriend. You cannot.." my words failed once I saw the impossible look that marked Jasper's face. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

I need him gone. I needed some time to think about everything that was said- everything that happened.

He walked over to my chair and took a seat. Throwing his legs on the table, he nodded. "I'm exactly where I need to be. I'm not leaving you here alone. Its not safe."

"Who are you hiding me from?"

"Do you trust me?"

"For a matter of fact- I don't."

Jasper smirked. "Good."

I grabbed my things and carried them to my bathroom. Setting my belonging down I poked my head out from the door. "I'm taking a shower," I said to him. He had his phone out of his hand and nodded indicating that he hears me. "I cannot hide for the rest of my life Jasper, and you cannot protect me for the rest of my life."

"I can try." He said never breaking contact from his phone.

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Who will protect you?" I asked. He looked up, eyebrows furrowed. I shut the door and decided for him to let that sink in for a moment. Jasper spent his entire life looking after other people, but never not once had he let someone care for him. I wanted to be that person- the person he could rely one whenever he needed, but I had a feeling that wasn't going to happen.

I knew the dreams I had for Jasper and I were only just that- dreams and nothing else.

*the gif goes nothing along with the chapter, but i loved it sooooo, there you go! (:*