"you know that place between sleep and awake? the place where you can still remember dreaming? that's where I'll always love you, that's where I'll be waiting."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

      I stuffed my upcoming AP books into my bag, leaning up against my locker, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

Things have been so twisted lately, school was honestly the last thing on my mind but that had to change. I needed a future. I wanted a future. Before all of this crazy entered my life I applied for Juilliard. The Juilliard. I knew that was taking a big step considering they only take the best. I was good, but Juilliard good?

Today after school my mom talked with the school for permission of letting me using the music room after hours to practice. If I was serious about this, I needed to remove all distractions.. including Jasper himself.

It's been two days since we've last spoken, an that somewhat made me worry. not about us- or even if there is an us. but about him. I worried about him everyday. The things he's told me... I just couldn't unhear those things.

"Ah," I heard someone breath. "Am I interrupting some major me time?"

I smiled an opened my eyes recognizing the voice. "Ethan," I said pushing myself off my locker. "N-no you weren't. I was just thinking."

"About?"

"Life." I shrugged. "I don't know really."

He gave me a look implying that he wanted me to go on. he leaned up against the lockers an crossed his arms. "Something is bothering you."

I sighed an clutched my things. "Yes, but it's okay. I can-"

"No. Talk. What's going on?"

"I just have a lot going on. It's my senior year. I've applied to some major schools- even Juilliard. I highly doubt that I would get into a place like that, but I thought that I should try you know? but I feel like something isn't right." I shrugged. "lately I've just felt so out of place, like I'm not living the life I'm supposed to. I don't know if that makes any sense," I ran my fingers over my face.

"Music is my life. It's crazy because these last few months it seems I've set that aside, but it honestly is. it's all I could remember. My mother doesn't tell me much about our family- my father. The only things I remember are the things I choose to." I said. "When i was younger I found some music sheets in the attic. They were my fathers, I went up to my mother an told her I wanted to play. I wanted to have that part of him in me, you know?"

"Don't do that." Ethan said. "Don't ever do that again."

I frowned an looked at him confused. "huh?"

"You self doubted yourself, about Juilliard," he said. "Look I've never heard you play, but I look forward to it. I look forward to seeing you up on that enormous stage watching you like hundreds more." he said. "And if no one else comes, you'll see me. Sitting among the crowd with a huge smile plastered across my face."

"I'll hold you to that." I joked.

he smiled an nodded. "Now you said you felt like you were out of place? I'm sure everyone feels-"

I shook my head. "No," I said. "I feel like I'm not in the life I was born to. I don't know if it's my father, and ame not knowing who he is. or is it the fact that I know a language I've never studied before. but I just feel like this," I motioned to my surroundings. "It's not me."

Ethan's face was unrecognizable. I couldn't find the emotion on his face, I couldn't read him. After awhile he opened his mouth an spoke. "Have you talked to your mother?" he asked. "Have you tried to find anything about him yourself?"

"No. My mother doesn't talk about him," I said.

The subject of my father never came across my mothers lips. I know she still thinks about him because she hasn't taken off her wedding ring and it's been years.

But I deserve to know who I am. Not just with my father, but my mother too. I've never even met my grandparents. I've never seen those embarrassing photos of my family.

it was just me and mom. it's been just me and mom for seven years.

"Look," Ethan spoke up "My father is a lawyer, he has connections. I could possibly get you started somewhere. A name, a street address. Just something to kick it off?"

My face lit up an I jumped up and hugged him by his neck. His body tensed up under my touch. Has this guy never received a hug before?

"This is the part where you wrap your arms around me, and hug back." I said muffled into his chest.

His arms slowly began to wrap themselves around me. His body finally relaxed an he withdrew a breath I didn't know he was holding.

"Have you never hugged anyone before?" I asked releasing him.

Ethan frowned. "Of course." he said. "I just haven't hugged anyone in a while. I'm not the hugging type, as you can clearly see."

I patted his shoulder an laughed. "Everyone deserves a little love and affection, Ethan."

"Well buttercup-"

"Alone in the halls? Hugging?" I heard someone say. " Scandalous."

Standing before us was Thayer. He wore black down to the shoes on his feet. As his arms were crossed I noticed bruised knuckles, I also noticed them on Ethan as well but it hadn't really crossed my mind until Thayer showed up.

It made me shudder at the thought of them fighting in the rings. I've seen it there, and it's honestly not the safest place to be.

"Now if it isn't my two favorite people," he said smirking.

"Favorite? I thought you hated me?" I asked.

"Oh I do," he said. "But that don't mean we can't have a little fun now, does it?"

What? "Sure?"

"Fantastic." he said. "There's this party we're throwing tonight. it's an annual thing. The boys an I would be thrilled if you'd come."

I looked over at Ethan an he was glaring at Thayer. "How come you didn't invite me?"

Ethan peeled his eyes away from Thayer and looked down at me. "It's not really the type of party you'd be into. I don't really see you as the partying type."

I don't like parties. They're loud, and pointless. But I'm sure Thayer knew that. So I had to prove him wrong.

"Well a party wouldn't hurt now would it?" I asked smiling. Thayer wanted to play this game, then let's play.

He hit Ethan and laughed. "See? She's down mate," he said. "This years thrash might be exciting after all."

"Thayer." Ethan said in a warning tone. "He's going to kill you."

Thayer scoffed. "Then let him. A legend is joining our party tonight."

A legend?

"Jasper? That's who you're talking about? Why would he care about-"

"Not jasper." Ethan said.

"Make sure to bring your little girlfriend," Thayer said walking away. "It starts at eleven! It's BYOB!"

I frowned. "BYOB?"

"Bring your own blunt." Ethan said in annoyance.

I chuckled and shrugged. "That shouldn't be a problem with me. I don't smoke."

"Look, you don't have to come. Thayer was being a dick and inviting you. This party isn't a high school party."

"Then what is it?"

"It's.." he paused trying to find the right words. "It's sort of a family reunion."

I nodded. "So I get to meet your dad." I joked.

He gave me a look. "Oh I'm sure he'll be there somewhere watching."

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I arrived to class and took my seat next to Bell. Luckily the teacher wasn't here yet.

Bell was applying lipgloss, a smirk formed across her lips as she spoke. "You're two minutes late." She said smacking her lips and shutting her compact mirror. "That's new."

"I kind of got held up," I told her. I grabbed a notebook and pen and began writing down the assignment on the board.

"Hmmm, by what?" she asked. "Or should I say whom?" She wiggled her eyebrows. "Where is lover boy? He hasn't been around."

"Jasper?" I asked and shrugged. "I wouldn't know."

Bell gave me a look and laughed. "You're cute."

I rolled my eyes and looked down at the paper. Jasper was honestly the last thing I need to be worried about at the moment.

"There's this party," I began.

Isabell stopped applying her makeup and looked over at me. "An how could you possibly know about this? You aren't really the party type, babe."

"Thayer."

This time her mouth opened and closed. I knew they haven't spoken in a while so I could understand her shock. Even though I absolutely dislike him, Bell seemed happy whenever she talked about him and if she's happy then that's okay.

"W-Why were you... why did he..?" she fumbled at her words.

"I was talking to Ethan at first, and Thyear appeared.

"That bïtch."

"What happened with the two of you?" I asked.

"He's a fücking bïtch aßs British bum and I'm going to fücking cut his balls off." She stopped and looked at me with a smile on her face.

Even when Isabell and I were younger  I knew she was a bit over the top with revenge, so this worried me. She once painted her cousins shoes pink for stepping on her fluffy white bear she received on her birthday. I knew she wouldn't go to the extent on cutting his balls off as she say, but I knew she would do something.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because you're evil, and I know you're up to something."

Isabell looked at me an smirked. "You know me too well then," she winked at me. "but I'm not going to do anything crazy, babe. Don't worry."

I sighed and sat back. Where was our teacher?

Normally a class would be acting up, but thank God this class wasn't. Everyone was either writing or staring off somewhere. I decided that I would see what was the matter and check the halls for our teacher. "If someone asks, back me up."

I headed towards the teachers lounge. That's where I'd look first. I noticed it has been a around ten minutes since class has started. That was unusual, if a teacher was late they'd normally send someone to watch their class before hand.

As I approached the door I heard voices. They weren't talking, more like shouting. I pressed my ear to the door to get a better understanding.

"...And you think that's okay?" I heard a voice ask.

"Look, I honestly don't give a flying fück what you think. I don't have to-" My toes curled as I recognized the voice speaking.

What was he doing here?

"Have you forgotten who I am? What I am capable of? With the snap of my fingers I could have every single part of you erased. Your entire existence. Down to the last burger you purchased on your credit card." he said. "Right now I'm imagining seven different- no, eight different ways I could kill you right now."

What?!

"I'm not afraid of you anymore." The other voice said.

I heard a low chuckle. "Tell your family I said hello." As I heard footsteps I quickly ran down the hall back to my classroom.

I sat in my seat and grabbed my pen. "What the fück? What happened?"

"I-I have no idea.." I breath. "You won't believe who i think I-"

Before I could finish my sentence I was silenced by the teacher who walked into the room. Although it wasn't Professor Harbin- but a substitute instead. "Hello class," he spoke. "Sorry for my absence, i was handling last minute lose ends." he turned around, once finishing writing his name on the board his eyes locked into mines and a smile appeared on his lips. "My name is Mr. White. I'll be your teacher this afternoon. Professor Harbin got.. caught up."

"What the fück is wrong with you?" Bell whispered over to me.

"Huh?"

"You're messing with your bracelet. You only do that when you're scared or nervous. You okay?"

I looked down at my wrist, she was right. It was a habit I never seemed to have broken. "I'm fine. just tired." I lied.

With the snap of my fingers I could have every single part of you erased

Who was this man?

"Would anyone care to enlighten me on where you all left off?" Jaspers father ask. "How about you, Ryan?"