"People will see such days that the killer will not know why he kills, nor the innocent why he is slain." - Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) ~ [Muslim, Kitab al-Fitan: 56, (2098)] 

Dedicated to @HopesPrayersNSmiles for agreeing to do an interview with me! Keep an eye out, it'll be posted after Eid inshaAllah! 

~ Also if everyone could please follow the page @gazawritesback it's a new initiative me and @decemberrr have created. 

Chapter 14 - Say What?! 

“Yasmine! Yasmine, wake up!” Someone was shaking me by the shoulders viciously, my head lolling back and forth with the motion. I groaned, and lashed out blindly at the culprit, attempting to shoo them away. Until this day, no-one seems to understand the undying love I have for sleep. 

“What are you, a rock? Get up!” I faintly recognised Noah’s voice as my body began to awaken at a glacial pace, my surroundings coming into view - so far Noah’s large frame, looming over me was all I could see. 

“You’re such a pest,” I said, groaning and proceeding to curl up into foetal position. 

“You’re the one that looks like a cockroach right now,” he snickered. With my eyes closed and remaining in the same position, I kicked my right foot out to hit where I thought Noah’s leg was. 

“Fail,” he said. I hoped by not replying he’d just go away and let me return to my sleep, but alas, I had been bestowed with a persistent brother who didn’t understanding the meaning of ‘I don’t want to be breathing the same air as you right now.’ 

“I’m sick of this.” A few seconds on, and I felt my body being lifted off the ground and hauled over his broad shoulder violently. I yelped and smacked him on the back, my sleep-deprived brain urging on the wave of anger. 

“Noah! You’re forever waking me up from my sleep. I hate you!” I whined, beating my hands on his back with strenuous effort. I’m sure it was quite the sight - heck, I know I currently looked like a stubborn two year old who had been denied their favourite lolly.

But I didn’t care. Last night was the first night in the orphanage where I had actually slept soundly, despite my body aching in more than one area. 

Noah shifted me so that he had a firmer grip and as if on cue, the same stabbing pain shot through my back. I bit my lip to suppress a scream, instead digging my nails into his back, the pain causing my face to scrunch up unattractively. 

“Uh, Noah,” I heard Salma’s awkward voice drift towards us. “I think you’re hurting her.” As soon as he heard her voice, and on instinct he loosened his hold on me.  

“Uh…um. What? Sorry,” he muttered, unintelligently.  

“Wow Noah, when did you learn how to articulate words so eloquently?” I asked, my revenge for waking me up was fuelled by the skills of sarcasm. 

“Shutup Yasmine,” he said tightly. If I could guess, he’s gritting his teeth right now and attempting to hide his burnt cheeks. 

“He’s definitely hurting her. She looks like a constipated rat.” I looked up, watching as Zach walked towards us, grinning from ear to ear. What was it, ‘insult Yasmine from every category of species day.’  

“Why the hell are you so happy?” I mumbled, leaning my chin on Noah’s back and frowning at him grumpily.  

“Hmm,” he said, rubbing his chin and putting on his best, deep philosophical expression. “Maybe it’s because we can all step foot out that door today,” he said, his green eyes gleaming brightly at me. 

Since I was still pretty much comatose, it took me a few seconds to comprehend his words. My eyes widened when the words hit home and I smiled, forcefully pushing myself out of Noah’s arms, landing on my feet excitedly.  

“You’re not joking are you?” I asked, suddenly getting suspicious. He returned my narrow stare with a laugh and I knew then that he couldn’t have lied. Pure joy and happiness was radiating off his body and I didn’t need to go outside to believe him. 

“Just listen.” Straining to listen to the outside world, all I received was the quiet hum of the wind and the rustling of the few trees, no other sound daring to pollute the peace. 

“I’ve been awake for hours. Doesn’t seem like they’re coming back.” 

I jumped on the spot excitedly and as if we read each other’s minds, me and Salma turned towards each other for a celebratory embrace. However, since Salma moved forwards and I reached out to her, Noah the idiot, somehow thought I was going to hug him, so he opened his arms wide for me. 

“Ew, not you,” I said, pushing him away quickly. I only caught a snippet of his face but in those few seconds I saw his face merge from shock to hurt, then embarrassment. We all laughed - hard, and I hugged Salma more tightly than I think I ever have. 

“That was gold,” Zach said, slapping Noah on the back pitifully whilst attempting to control his last few bouts of laughter. 

“Get over it man,” Noah replied, his eyes flicking to Salma who was smiling at him amusedly, then back to glare at Zach. 

“Dude, that was the epitome of rejection,” Zach stated, relentlessly. “High-five,” he continued, turning towards me and holding his right hand up. Since I couldn’t actually touch him, we did an imaginary hi-five and I chuckled at my poor brother.  

Although the two boneheads combined forces every now and then to annoy me, it was usually me and Zach who mercilessly ripped at Noah. It was extremely fun, especially since we both knew, deep-down, Noah was sensitive. 

“Whatever,” he mumbled. If Salma wasn’t here that probably would’ve come out more macho, I thought, laughing internally. 

“Let’s go home,” he sighed. Hearing those words, my body reeled at the fact that I could finally return to see my family. Not wasting any time, I picked up my bag from the corner of the room and slipped my phone - which had been dead for days - into the pocket of my genie pants. 

I had never felt more gross and filthy and although I had attempted to wash my body the few hours electricity turned on, I couldn’t wait to get out of the clothes I had been wearing for the last eight days. 

Salma did the same and we smiled at each other as we walked towards the door where Noah and Zach were waiting. We mumbled a quick goodbye to the kids around us and hugged the little ones who came running up to us. 

I walked up and stood next to Noah. Turning towards the door, I had a sudden hesitation towards walking outside, fear coursing through my body. How do we know they’re not going to really come back? What if this is just some trick to get us all out and then repeat their actions, killing more civilians? What if something happened to mum and dad or any of my siblings? I wouldn’t be able to handle it… 

Closing my eyes, I grabbed Noah’s arm in a death grip and held on tight. It’s fine, I assured myself, we’ll walk out togeth-

“Um, Yasmine?” Zach’s confused voice from beside me disrupted my negative train of thought. I turned to him in similar confusion, only to find us in an awkward situation. 

I looked at my hand that was wrapped around the width of his large arm and then up at his face - then down at my hand again. Wha? I looked around for Noah to find that he was already outside, walking ahead. I forgot he always walked as if he was on a mission.  

As if sensing my fear and hesitation, Zach gave me a small encouraging smile. 

“I’m right here with you Yasmine - and this time I won’t let anything happen to you.” His green eyes stared right back at me, confirming the truth of his words whilst also conveying his determination. Determination…to protect me? I didn’t know, but I immediately felt safe, and so I  unwound my hand from around his arm.  

“I think I’m going to get scars from your nails,” he joked whilst observing his skin.

“Sorry,” I said, sheepishly.  

“Come on, let’s go,” he said softly, signalling for me to walk ahead. I wiped my sweaty palms against my sweater and took my first step out of the orphanage and out of seclusion, after eight whole days. 

****

As my house came into view, my legs instinctively propelled me onwards, my foot-steps becoming quicker and my strides longer. 

Until now, I had never known what it felt like to truly miss my parents. In the last eight days I had gotten a taste of what it would be like if they weren’t alive - as if I was one of the orphans. It awakens you on how dependent you are on them, even if it’s for the most trivial issue. Only the third day in the orphanage, did I become frustrated because I couldn’t remember if my mum usually added cream when making pasta.  

When I was only a metre away from my house, the door opened and my parents came running out followed by the twins, Deana and Adam. My eyes brightened and I couldn’t help the large smile that seized my face as I squealed and launched myself into my fathers outstretched arms.  

We squeezed each other tightly for what felt like years before I rested my head on his chest and smiled as he uttered a string of ‘alhamdulillahs.’ Looking to my right I watched as my Noah had my mother engulfed in a hug and was rubbing her back repeatedly, soothing her as she cried into his shoulder. Adam was vigorously tugging on Noah’s pants whilst screaming “Noh, Noh!”

“You’re never leaving the house again,” my dad said, pulling back so he could look at me. 

“Dad!” I couldn’t tell whether he was joking or not. His eyes were both serious and amused.

He chuckled and kissed my forehead. “I’m joking habibti. Although at one point in the last few days, I was serious.” I laughed and rolled my eyes at him. 

Before I could head to mum, the twins both attacked me simultaneously. They actually had tears in their eyes!  

“Aww, did you losers actually miss me?” I joked, ruffling both their heads.  

“Yes.” The fact that they didn’t give a snarky reply threw me off and I realised how truly upset they were. 

“Woah. Are you guys actually feeling? Are your hearts finally beating?” I joked, trying to get them to smile.  

“You know, a normal person would just say ‘I miss you too,” Rida said, crossing her arms. 

“But I’m not normal. We established that a long time ago,” I said.  

“You just insulted yourself.” I looked at Nadia and smiled.

“So?” I said, crossing my own arms and raising one eyebrow. 

“Whatever. We take our comment back, we don’t miss you,” Rida said. Nadia shook her head in agreement before they linked arms and walked towards Noah. 

****

“WHAT?!” 

I brought my hands to my ears, covering them in anticipation of another yell. This was bad and it was all Noah’s fault!  

“Mum, seriously I’m fine now,” I said confidently, trying to reassure her. I turned to look at Noah and if looks could kill, he’d be dead right now. 

“Muna, calm down,” my dad piped in, ever the calm one. I happened to learn in one of my psychology classes last semester, that opposites do NOT attract and similarity wins the day. So how my parents get along, beats me.  

“Calm down?! You want me to calm down when my daughter just told me she nearly died?!” She began pacing the room and I swear she was going to begin hyperventilating.  

“Mum, they’re minor injuries. Nothing to be worried about,” Noah said. It was fruitless -  all logic flew out the door.  

My dad sighed and enveloped her in a hug, no doubt skilled at the art of calming her down, before telling us both to go upstairs to freshen up and rest.  

As we both turned to leave, I jabbed Noah in the chest. “I told you we shouldn’t have told her!” On the way home, I told him not to inform mum of my injuries since I knew she would react exactly like that, but Noah didn’t want to lie to her or conceal any information. 

“Don’t worry,” he said, shrugging. “She’ll get over it soon enough,” he said before grinning at me mischievously.  

“Shot gun shower!” he screamed, immediately bolting up the stairs, two at a time. Before I could even comprehend what was happening he was in the bathroom with the door locked. 

“Hey!” I said, slamming my fists against the door. “Unfair play! I wasn’t even ready!” 

“Not my problem!” He yelled back, from behind the door. 

“Well I’m not going to bring you a towel! You can stay locked in there forever!”  

“Fine by me! That means you won’t get to shower!” I blinked at the door. Well I guess I put my foot in it this time.  

“Ahbal,” I muttered, walking away. Going into my room I pulled out some clean pyjamas in the meantime. I couldn’t wait to shower and I was thankful the electricity was running. 

Looking at my bed longingly, I resisted jumping on it and sleeping in my filthy clothes. I’ll take a long-ass nap after the shower, I thought.  

“Yasmine!” I heard after ten minutes. “I need that towel now.” 

I smiled wickedly and sat down on the floor, stretching my legs out. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind freezing in the bathroom for a few minutes. 

I got comfortable and ignored his constant yelling at me -  I’m surprised mum hasn’t come up yet to belt us both. You did not want to get on an Arab mums nerves. She’d slam you faster than you could scream out in fear.

That’s not even an exaggeration. 

“Yasmine!” This time his voice was dripping with rage and I scrambled to my feet hurriedly. I grabbed my clothes and two towels from the closet and walked up to the bathroom door. 

“Open up,” I said. He opened the door and put his hand out for the towel. He ripped it from me viciously before closing the door again and then emerging a few seconds later. 

I smiled innocently at his face which was red either from the shower or from anger - most likely the latter. 

“I love you,” I said, sweetly. 

Shaking his head, he said, “You’re lucky I’m too tired for your antics,” before walking into his room and slamming the door shut. I laughed and walked into the bathroom, removing my clothes faster than a medieval peasant ridding himself of his plague-infested rags. 

Stepping under the hot water I relished in the feel of it seeping through my long hair, as I tilted my head back and scrubbed mercilessly. 

After the usual twenty minutes of reflection and deep thoughts on the origins of life and the universe, I turned the water off and proceeded to dry myself.  

The heat had tired me out and I suddenly felt exhausted. I slipped my clothes on and walked out of the bathroom like a zombie, ready to sleep for a century. As soon as I entered my room, my ear drums were punctured by Deana and Adam’s loud laughs. They were both jumping up and down on my bed, squealing every time they bounced high up.  

I groaned and grabbed them both, wrapping one arm around their waist and pulling them off the bed. They both made sounds of disappointment but I didn’t feel an ounce of guilt.

“Go play in Rida and Nadia’s room. I’m really tired today.” I threw my towel over my desk chair and pulled out the prayer clothes to pray asr before I slept. 

“You never play with us!” Deana said angrily, a massive frown etched on her face.

“Yeah,” Adam added, stomping his foot.  

Looking at their torn faces, the guilt began to build up and if I wasn’t so tired I would’ve spent time with them. 

“Let me take a nap and I promise I’ll play with you both after. OK?” They shook their head obligingly before moving to head out.  

“Yas?” Adam asked, before he stepped out.  

“Yeah habibi,” I replied tiredly.  

“Is za-za gone?” His eyes were wide with concern and fear, as if the fact that he wasn’t here right now was the worst possible scenario. 

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused.

He shrugged his little shoulders. “Am I ever going to see him again?” 

I frowned at his question. “Of course you are! You’ll see him tomorrow OK?” He shook his head before smiling widely, kissing me on the cheek and then running out.  

I don’t know if Adam knew yet, what death was, but he must’ve seen or heard something on the T.V. that made him fear for all our safety. I sighed sadly as the memories of the last eight days emerged. I shook my head in an effort to forget, before proceeding to pray.  

After I was done I slipped under my covers and as soon as my head landed on the pillow, I was a goner. 

****

My precious parents had only allowed me to sleep for two hours before I was awoken and called down to sit with the family. At first I was extremely grumpy, as I always am after waking up, but after seeing the look on both my parents faces I sobered up.  

I could see the remnants of worry plastered on their faces every time they looked at me and I realised they just wanted to sit with me. To confirm that I was actually here, alive, flesh and bones and that I was safe. 

Everyone was already sitting in the living room watching the latest news when I walked downstairs and as usual I headed for the spot right next to my dad.  

He smiled and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. 

“Pft. Such a spoilt daddy’s girl,” Noah said, looking up from his phone.  

“Mumma’s boy,” I retorted. 

“And proud,” he said, pulling mum towards him and wrapping his arm around her, imitating dad. 

“This is great Muna - our kids fight for our affections.” I laughed and snuggled in closer to my dad. Listening to the news, apparently thirty people were injured from the bombing eight days ago, a few in critical condition. I was glad no-one had died - as of yet. 

I called Adam over, who was sitting next to Noah and surprisingly he actually left him and came to me. 

I hoisted him up onto my lap and kissed his cheek. 

“Wanna play a game?” I asked, a plan forming in my mind.  

“Yes!” he yelled, rocking back and forth excitedly. 

“OK. Go up to Noah and tell him…,” I whispered into his ear exactly what I wanted him to say. He looked confused for a second and I repeated the sentence to him again before he smiled, happy nonetheless, and walked up to Noah.  

It was perfect since everyone was quiet and I smiled evilly. 

“Can you get Yas the whipped cream? Salma bought it!” Although he stumbled on the words ‘whipped cream,’ Noah didn’t miss the underlying message. His head shot up and he narrowed his eyes at me before glancing at the parents worriedly. 

He whispered something back into Adam’s ear and he ran towards me, loving the fact that he was a part of this ‘game.’

“You have wide hips!” Oh! 

I whispered back my response. “You have girly feet.” His feet were freakishly small for a guy and I knew he was self-conscious about them. His brown eyes burned and I could tell he was becoming increasingly agitated.

Adam ran back to me, out of breath. “You’re face is -,” 

“ENOUGH!” My mother said, huffing, clearly annoyed from our banter.  

‘We’ll finish this later,’ Noah mouthed to me, before picking up his phone again. 

A few seconds later, my mobile beeped next to me and I picked it up to see I had one new message. Unlocking my screen, I saw it was from Noah.

I looked at him skeptically before opening the message. The first thing I saw was an image of a large, hairy gorilla, with the caption, “Perfect angle - captures all your beauty, don’t you think?” 

I burst out laughing, since it was one of the most mangled gorilla’s I’d ever seen, and threw a pillow at him from across the room. He caught it easily and chuckled, clearly proud of his insult. 

We continued abusing each other and had some tea before mum and dad decided they were sick of our presence. I couldn’t blame them - when congregated, our family was constantly loud, rarely was there ever a second of silence.  

They kicked us upstairs and we all got up obediently. Nadia jumped onto Noah’s back and he nearly fell forward, not anticipating the weight.  

“Go forth, my slave!” she said, dramatically. Before I could applaud her, Rida decided to copy her twin and within seconds I had another body hunched on my back.

“You heard her. Up, up!” Me and Noah shared knowing glances and when we got to the top of the stairs we both let go and pushed them off violently so they landed on their butts. 

“Ow,” Nadia said, rubbing her side. 

“Don’t use us as slaves again,” I said jokingly. I left them on the floor and walked into my room, ready to fall into a coma of sleep. 

“Hey Yasmine,” Noah said, popping his head into my room.  

“Yeah?” 

“You know I was joking before, right?” I rolled my eyes at him and laughed. So sensitive…he and Salma are perfect for each other! 

“I know, you don’t have to tell me.” 

“OK good. I wanted to see you laugh that’s all.” I was so touched by his words and slightly surprised, I got up to give him a hug. 

“Oh so now you wanna hug me,” he said, as he accepted my embrace. 

****

Other than the half an hour to pray fajr, I had slept for 14 hours straight. It was a testament to how tired I was, the effect the lack of sleep in the last few days had on me.  

I heard some voices downstairs on the way back from the bathroom so I forced myself to get dressed, even though I never wanted to take these pyjamas off.  

Coming downstairs, I walked straight into the kitchen to be met with a shocking sight - Noah and Zach, both clad in aprons, cooking lunch.  

“Argh. Not you again. I’m sick of you,” I said to Zach, as I passed him by to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. 

“Oh, so you don’t feel like eating today? That’s cool, I’ll gladly eat two servings,” he said as he shuffled food from one plate onto his already full one.  

I stared at him dryly. “You better put that food back onto my plate.” 

“Or what?” He said, giving me a sly smile. 

“Don’t fight her bro, don’t you know how she get’s when she hasn’t eaten,” Noah said. 

“Mmm fine. His the only reason you’re eating today,” Zach said, nodding his head towards Noah.

“Whatever,” I said, snatching the plate from Zach. If these two were going to be home all day, I’d need to consume as much energy as I could to tolerate their idiocy. 

Twenty minutes later we all moved to the living room and I was grateful the rest of my siblings were back at school, allowing for some well-needed quiet.  

I leaned my head back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Zach asked, plopping himself next to me. Noah sat on the opposite couch and began setting up the x-box. 

I turned my head sideways to look at him - he was forever pushing his black hair off his forehead. He was looking at me, worry flashing through his eyes.  

“Nothing. I think I slept too much and now I feel like I’m paralysed.” A slightly relieved look came over his face before he chuckled softly and sat back comfortably.  

I assessed him - from his smiling face, to his button-down shirt and dark denim jeans. It was painful to see how on-edge he was the last few days so I was happy he was now some-what relaxed. 

Looking up I caught him staring at my wrist. Confused, I looked down to be met with the shining silver bracelet he got me. I was unconsciously playing with the rock charm, twisting it back and forth between my thumb and forefinger.  

I could feel him staring at me and for some reason I was too embarrassed to look up at him, especially after remembering his comment before yesterday. Our conversation ended on quite an awkward note... 

I tilted my head back to look at the ceiling and decided to break the silence. “How’s your mum and Jacob?” 

“They’re both good alhamdulillah. Mum basically bawled her eyes out when she saw me,” he said, his eyes still on me.  

“Same as mum. So typical.”  

He didn't say anything and there was a few minutes of silence.

“Yasmine.” 

“Hmm?” 

“Yasmine.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yasmine.”  

“What?!” I said frustratedly, turning to look at him. 

“Why aren’t you looking at me?” He was analysing my face intensely, his green eyes searching for something. 

“What do you mean?” I asked, pretending I didn’t know what he was talking about. 

“Your avoiding eye contact with me,” he stated. 

Before I could reply my mother stepped through the door, plopped her bag on the table and sat down on the couch tiredly.  

“Salam. You alright mum?” I asked. 

“Alhamdulillah, just tired. It’s extra chaotic at the hospital today because of all the injured people.” I nodded my head in understanding and got up to get her a cup of water.  

“JazakAllahu khair habibti,” she said, gulping down the water. 

I sat back down, and watched Noah play GTA, once again not making any eye contact with Zach. 

“Oh Yasmine, before I forget. I got a call from Abdullah's mother today,” she said, cautiously.  

“And?” I asked, confused as to why she was telling me this.  

“Well…,” she continued, obviously hesitant in telling me. “Auntie Heba must’ve called and spoken to them, because Abdullah’s proposed to get to know you.”

“…for marriage,” she finished off. 

“SAY WHAT?!” I yelled, jumping up. 

“WHAT?!” I heard Zach yell from behind me. 

“NO way,” Noah said, looking at mum incredulously.

**** 

Definitons: 

 Alhamdulillah: ‘Praise be to God’ 

Habibti: Term of endearment, ‘My love’

Ahbal: Idiot

JazakAllahu Khair: 'May allah reward you with goodness'