"Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory." - Dr Seuss

Dedicated to how-about-no because she pretty much made me the awesome book cover! And because she's an amazing writer! <3

Chapter 8 - Reminiscing.

I threw my pen across the desk, slammed my textbook shut and sighed. It was Friday today, and since I didn’t have uni, I had woken up early to finish off my History assignment. I was distracted, since my brain kept regurgitating an overload of thoughts, overanalyzing them and then leaving me with a headache. In two hours I had written only one paragraph.

Electricity cut off from six in the morning till three in the afternoon and since it was currently one oclock, I couldn't have done any proper research anyway. 

I pushed my chair backwards and got up, deciding some exercise would release the strain and stress in my body. Noah had set up something similar to a mini gym in our backyard, which was perfect, since I got to spend some time in the sun. I slipped on comfortable trackies, my Nike shoes and a long sleeve top with a two-piece slip on scarf, just incase any neighbours were to see me. Walking out into the sunshine, I felt better within seconds.

I began by doing some cardio, running on the treadmill for about ten minutes; I could never do any longer or I’d get extremely bored. While I ran, I allowed the sun to soak my face, listening to the tranquil songs of the birds and the occasional chirping of the insects. I looked up at the sky, half-blinded by the sun when an ayah came into mind; - 

“Indeed! In the creation of the heavens and the earth, and in the alternation of night and day, there are indeed signs for men of understanding.” [Al-Imran: 190].

I remember growing up, every time we’d leave the house, my father would point out various creations of Allah [swt], stressing the importance of contemplation. He would constantly repeat the verse to us, especially to Noah and me, even if it revolved around a single leaf. My thoughts then travelled to a lecture I had watched by Nouman Ali Khan about the bee. Until now, I was utterly mind blown, about how Allah [swt] can present guidance to us, from such a small creature. 

The Prophet (pbuh) narrated that the example of the believer is just like the example of a bee. Now you might be thinking why a bee? How could a bee, be of any relevance to our life? The simplicity in the bee’s guidance is truly a miracle.

The bee eats well - the bee only travels to a flower that is fresh, pure and clean, first making sure that the flower has not been claimed by another. It does not give up until it finds the best of all flowers. Surely when an individual begins any aspect of his life he should seek the best, but also the most pure in life, whether it be a job, a wife or friends. Our attitudes should be nothing less.

When a bee lands on a flower, it will eat from it, but not until it gives the flower more than it takes. They give it pollen; they give it life. Just as the bee has a relationship with the flower, all of us, as Allah’s creations have relationships with each other. Whether it be via marriage, friendship and even family, there’s always a give and take. But the bee – the bee will give more than it takes. And so should we do the same. 

I sighed as I ended my run, pondering whether I was just like the bee. If someone could read minds and they heard mine right now, they would definitely admit me into a psychiatric ward. I shook my head and smiled, relishing in the fact that I had the greatest blessing in my life – Islam.

I wiped the sweat off my brow and proceeded to lay out my yoga mat. I did some personalized drills working on my legs and abdomen before finishing off with some weight lifting. I saw the shadow of a silhouette from the corner of my eye and nearly dropped my dumbbell onto my foot.

I jumped backwards in fright and then realising it was only Zach, put my hand over my thumping heart. “You creep! I nearly shat my heart out!”

“You’re doing it wrong,” he said, ignoring the fact that I just nearly went into cardiac arrest. I decided I would ignore him and continued with my last rep, bringing the weight above my head, to my shoulder, down and repeat.

“Straighten your back. You’re too stiff.” I bent forward a little more just to defy him.

“Yasmine,” he sighed. I turned around, keeping my back to him. 

“Fine, look like a hunch then,” he said and I could hear the smirk in his voice. Argh, he was so frustrating! Like an annoying fly, buzzing in your ear. I plopped the dumbbell back in its place and walked up to Zach, crossing my arms across my chest and glaring at him. 

“Ooh I’m scared Yasmine. Please don’t hit me,” he said, feigning fear and lifting his hands up in defense.

“Are you avoiding me?” I blurted out, ignoring his attempts at trying to be funny. He straightened up and his face became expressionless.

“If I was avoiding you, I wouldn’t be here right now would I?” he calmly replied.

“You said, IF you were avoiding me, not a direct no, which means there’s a possibility you were. And you know what I mean, not now, yesterday,” I said narrowing my eyes at him.

He chuckled. “Yaz stop being a drama queen. God, what’s gotten into you?” he said, leaning back casually and crossing his arms.

“I’m not a drama queen!” He laughed again, which was annoying me since he was clearly dismissing my frustration.

“I was just tired and lazy yesterday. The world doesn’t revolve around you OK?” he voiced, smiling playfully. I huffed and relaxed a tad, letting my shoulders sag from their tense position.

“OK. So I didn’t do anything wrong?” I questioned concernedly.

“What do you mean? What could you have done wrong?” he asked, becoming serious again.

“I don’t know…I thought maybe I said or did something stupid…you know how I am sometimes, my mouth running like a tap. I mean you know I’m only joking when I tease you about your fat fingers. And your hair isn’t that bad, yes it sometimes looks shiny but –,“ My mumbling was cut off when I saw Zach’s hand go up, signaling me to stop.

Zach sounded almost guilty as he spoke, “Yasmine you’ve done nothing wrong. Like I said, I just wasn’t bothered for life. I just felt like spending the day in bed. Ok?” I didn’t know whether to believe him or not but my gut was telling me not to question him and to just drop it. 

“OK,” I replied, glancing at him warily. “I guess it was just weird not seeing you,” I added.

He gasped dramatically, placing his hand above his heart.

“Yasmine…are you having withdrawal symptoms....from me?!” I rolled my eyes at his childish commentary, before going to pack up the area. Noah was a grub when it came to everything except his ‘gym’. Everything had to be placed back in its rightful place or he’d rage it.

“Ah, no you don’t,” Zach said from behind me. I turned around confused.

“What?”

“You have to do those reps again, since you did them wrong the first time,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Go away Zach,” I said, shooing him away with my hand. “Your presence is no longer required. Go be barbaric with Noah or something.”

“Ouch.” He gave me a dry glare before walking back inside. I followed him and went upstairs to shower since I smelt like Noah after his workouts. It was past three in the afternoon now, so thankfully the electricity was back on. I must have spent a bit too long indulging myself in the hot water, since my mother came banging on the door.

“Yasmine! How many times do I have to yell at you in the shower? Finish up and come downstairs to help me with the food. NOW!” Oops. I forgot we were having a BBQ tonight with Zach’s family, including his auntie. She was a nice lady, but every time I saw her, she’d assure me she was going to find me the perfect husband. I know she meant well but sometimes she’d drag on the topic for so long, I began to cringe at the thought of marriage.  

I ran to my room and quickly got dressed, slipping on a casual outfit, going with a teal coloured cardigan on top of black genie pants. I slipped on my black cap and then wrapped my blue and white flowery hijab around my head. They were just going to smell like BBQ anyway. I slipped on my black flats and flew down the stairs, running past the boys in the living room who were playing x-box and straight into the kitchen. I heard Noah yell out a ‘hey!’ probably because I blocked his screen but I dismissed him quickly. I could practically feel my mother’s patience wearing thin.

I could tell she was stressed since she kept on walking from the fridge to the counter top, then back to the cupboard and then the fridge again. The various meats were still in the bowls and ingredients were scattered all over the table, as well as the vegetables for the tabouli. Adam and Deana were fighting over Deana’s wand, both pulling and tugging at it while shouting at my mother. I stomped over to them and pulled them apart, grabbing the wand and holding it up in the air, out of reach.

“Both of you stop! Now!” I huffed at them both and began to walk back to hide the wand, before they both grabbed a leg each and started yelling at me instead. 

“Yaz it’s my wand. Please give it to me!”

 “Min, I wanna play! Pleaseeee!”

Usually I would sit them both down and reinforce why fighting and arguing was wrong, but I did not have the time right now. So instead I walked into the living room, or more like hobbled in, since they were both still clinging to my legs. Noah paused the game and both him and Zach looked up, since it pretty much sounded like a stampede walking in.

“What the hell?” Noah said, eyeing Deana and Adam. I huffed in annoyance and just pointed at them and then held up the wand. Understanding registered on his face, before he got up and walked towards them with a somber expression. As soon as he came into view, they both let go of my legs and scrambled to stand up straight. I wanted to laugh at the immediate fear on their faces as they both backed away a little.

Naturally, when it came to dealing with our younger siblings I always took the more gentle approach, taking things slow, to explain where they went wrong. Noah however, would get straight to the point and although he never screamed at them, he was stern and all it took was one look to put them on the spot. My father was able to do the same thing, and I was slightly jealous I didn’t have the same effect. 

He took the wand out of my hand and held it up, “You guys fighting over this?” They both nodded their heads, eyes wide, anticipating his next move. I left it up to him and walked back into the kitchen. My mother had just finished marinating the meats so I began to skewer them, trying to do each one to perfection, since I knew she'd watch over me like a vulture. She was exactly like Bahia, OCD about everything.

After successfully skewering the meats, I began chopping up all the vegetables for the salad. I loved tabouli but man did it take long to make! After an hour, I finally finished it and put the bowl in the fridge. I continued to help mum out, until it was already five and Zach’s family would be coming soon.

When the doorbell rang and my father welcomed everyone in, I was surprised and slightly happy to see that Jacob had come too. I said salam to Zach’s mother, followed by his auntie, who annoyingly pinched my cheeks like I was five years old. When Jacob walked in I couldn’t help but smile widely at him.

“Hey squirt,” he said softly, walking passed me.

“Hey Johnny,” I swiftly replied. I named him after Johnny Bravo, because he went through a stage two years ago, where he was extremely cocky. I think me and Zach are still traumatized by the amount of times he used to look at himself in the mirror. He even used to try to flex, where there was non-existent muscle. Thank god, he grew out of that.

At my reply he gave a small smile and walked outside where everyone was now sitting. I couldn’t believe he was actually here! I could tell his mother was overjoyed that he was hanging out with us again, by the way in which she kept glancing over at him. Poor khalto, she worried too much. 

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed all the plastic plates, spoons and forks. My dad had started the cooking earlier, so everyone began piling up their plates with food. After bringing out some cold drinks and making sure everyone had everything they needed, I sat down relaxing my legs and filling up my own plate.

“So Yasmine,” khalto Heba, said. Oh no. Not right now. I just want to enjoy eating this deliciously juicy tender piece of meat in peace!  I painfully told my brain to shut up and looked up at Zach’s auntie with a smile plastered on my face.

“Still not thinking about marriage are we? Hmmph. Well don’t think I’ve forgotten you’ll be turning 18 soon. I remember these things you know!” Well that’s creepy. I didn’t really feel like replying so I looked at Zach, my widened eyes screaming help! He just shrugged and continued eating. I scoffed. What a traitor! I guess that’s what happens when you put a plate of meat in front of a man. Pfft wait…Zach a man? I meant boy.

I then looked to my mother for help as she was usually the one that would save me in these situations but she was too busy feeding Adam. Dammit! I realised khalto was staring at me expectantly for an answer, her beady eyes narrowed in anticipation.

“Umm, he...yeah, InshAllah!” I muttered, attempting to sound even a little excited. I realised then my answer made no sense at all, my thoughts confirmed when Noah chocked on the ice tea he was drinking. He was trying to muffle a laugh and when he looked at my helpless face he just laughed even harder. 

“Noah! What are you laughing at? You know, coming to think of it, you’re a mature man. I see no reason why you aren’t married.” Yes! It was my turn to laugh. Sweet, sweet karma. He really put his foot in it this time. 

He instantly stopped laughing and by the way he hunched back into his seat, I knew he regretted not keeping his gob shut. Zach was just shaking his head at us and I could see an amused smile emerging on Jacobs face. They were used to their auntie’s antics, us however, needed a bit more time adjusting to her high pitch voice and constant persistence.

Khalto Heba then turned to my mother and said, “Muna, the Ahmad family, you know the ones, they live quite far...yes, well, their son, Abdullah, just got a job as an accountant, good pay and quite handsome too. He’s only four years older than Yasmine, you should seriously consider him.”

Umm what? I coughed awkwardly into my hand, resisting the urge to scream out NO THANKS, since that would be incredibly rude. Zach stiffened next to me and even my dad looked uncomfortable.

My mother, who knew my position on this, calmly replied, “Oh really, MashAllah good on him! Yes ofcourse I know the Ahmad family…beautiful people they are.” Khalto then continued rambling about how yes indeed, they were this and that and I eventually zoned out. See when Gaza was one of the few cities left where Palestinians still lived, it was hard not to know everyone, or at least every family that lived somewhat close to you. 

Abdullah was a nice guy and I had nothing against him. In fact he came to my uni and I saw him around often, but from what I remember, he graduated last year. I just wasn't ready for marriage. 

It seemed that finally the topic of marriage was dismissed and I prayed khalto wouldn’t bring it up again. Everyone was now finished eating and just as I was about to tell the twins to help me clear the table. Noah spoke up.

“Yasmine, come on, clear the table.”

Oh. No. He. Didn’t. You see it’s one thing that I get annoyed when people tell me what to do but it’s a whole other level of annoyance, when someone tells me to do something I already know to do. Add in a misogynistic comment like his and the anger levels hit the roof.

“Uh oh,” I heard Zach mutter. “Why don’t you learn man?”

I stubbornly crossed my arms over my chest and walked over to where he was. “Do you not have two arms and two legs? Why don’t you get up off your lazy ass and help me clean instead of sitting there watching.” I huffed in his face sending him a dirty glare before walking inside.

Just as I was about to reach into the drawer to grab a garbage bag, I felt a strong hand grip my arm and drag me into the quiet living room. Noah stood before me, his eyes narrowed in anger as he clenched and unclenched his fists. 

“Listen Yasmine, I know that by nature, you’re controlling and you hate it when people order you around. I understand that. But there are limits and you just crossed it. I’m your older brother and just as I respect you, I also deserve respect. So next time if you have a problem, you don’t act like a brat, yell at me in front of everyone and storm off. You speak to me calmly about it, in private. Got it?”

Wow. I must’ve really pushed a button. I blinked at him and then mentally scolded myself. 

“I'm sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately,” I said, shifting between my feet nervously. “Maybe I need to go to anger management classes,” I said, attempting to crack a lame joke.

He sighed and said “maybe you do,” before walking back out. I stared after him in bewilderment. Had I really upset him that much?

Don’t forget guys have egos and you just burst a part of his, my oh-so-wise brain had to remind me. He’ll forgive me…I’ll make it up to him. 

****

After me and the twins cleaned up, we brought out all the desserts, including some cinnamon tea. The night was a tad chilly so my dad put the BBQ in the middle and we all sat around it, enjoying the combined warmth the tea brought. It wasn’t too cold, nor too hot but exactly perfect. During the day, if you walked outside you could see the air and sky stained with the demolition of buildings and during war-time, it would be stained with the blackness of bombs.

At night however, that somehow vanished and looking up right now, I couldn’t help but breathe in the crisp air.

“Ah. The only way this night could get better was if your father was with us today. Allah yerhamo,” my father said, putting his hand on Jacob’s shoulder, who was sitting beside him. At the mention of Zach’s father, everyone looked down remembering all the times he shared with us. I was only 12 when he had died, so I had only known him for a year, but just in that one year, his wise words were imprinted in my heart. That period in Zach’s life was extremely difficult for him, especially since he was so close to his father. He was never able to do hajj, due to our current circumstances, so Zach’s dream was to do it on his behalf. I had high hopes that InshAllah one day, we could all do hajj together. 

“He died a martyr. May Allah [swt] send him to the highest level of heaven.” Everyone mumbled an ‘amen’ and when I looked up Zach and Noah had such pained looks on their faces, uncontrollable tears formed in my eyes. I looked over to their mother and I could see she was making a silent prayer. I wiped away a stray tear and just as I was getting up to refill everyone’s tea, I caught Zach staring at me, tears in his own eyes. I gave him a reassuring smile and made my own silent dua to give him strength.

“You okay?” I asked, as I refilled his cup. He just nodded his head and leaned back, looking down again.

“Remember when Zach and Yasmine were 12 and we caught them both hiding under the bed?” My mother remarked, looking at Zach’s mother. I knew she was trying to lighten the mood since, everyone was quiet and the atmosphere was suddenly dull.

I blushed, like I always did whenever they brought this story up. My and Zach’s mother would always try to retell the story out of context, when we were only playing hide and seek! 

“We didn’t realise we were both hiding under the same bed!” Zach defended and then blushed slightly under everyone’s gaze. Everyone began laughing and even I couldn’t hold back a laugh at the memory.

“How could you guys not know you were hiding under the same bed?” Noah said, chuckling. Me and Zach looked at each other, both of us attempting to conjure an explanation.

“The idiots would’ve hid there all day if mum and khalto hadn’t found them,” Jacob piped in.

We sat for a few hours, just reminiscing, eating and sipping sweet tea. I couldn’t remember the last time we all got together like this and I realised I missed it. I missed the relaxed atmosphere that came with family and the carefree laughs. I made a mental note to tell my mother that we should start hosting dinners every week.

“Hey why don’t we play dead soldiers?!” Rida said, standing up excitedly. Oh, the good old game, dead soldiers. It was one of our all time favourites. I decided it was exactly what we needed to brighten up the mood.

“If you kids wanna play, go into the living room,” my mother said, her eyebrows raised in warning. We headed inside, Adam excitedly zooming past us, jumping up and down. Poor kid didn’t even know how to play but he loved it since it involved a ton of laughter.

“How do you play again?” Jacob said sitting down on the sofa and stretching his legs out.

“Basically everyone sits down, with one person standing up. The person who’s up has to make every single person laugh and only then does their time end. The first person to crack up, is the one that will be up next AND they have to do a dare,” I explained, getting comfortable. 

“And no cheating by hiding your mouth with a pillow!” Nadia said. 

“So who goes first?” Rida said. We were all looking at each other expectantly, until everyone’s eyes eventually landed on me.

I groaned. “Seriously guys?! What kind of sorcery is this!” They all shrugged and Zach smiled evilly. He was the hardest to crack and he knew it. And that’s why I was going to aim for him first…he was good but so was I.

“If you need to let out any laughs do it now,” I said. Nadia and Rida giggled, before everyone’s face turned expressionless. Hmmm..what should I do? So many ways... 

I walked straight up to Zach and knelt so that I was level with his face. I began to have an intense staring competition with him…usually after a few minutes he’d crack. Not this time…hmm I’d have to up my techniques.

There was a history tutor that Zach found hilarious, because he’d tell everyone in class to shut up whilst mumbling incoherently to himself. One time whilst drinking his coffee he spat back a gulpful into the cup and then proceeded to drink it an hour later. Erkh. I started mimicking him, even switching my shoes into Noah’s too big, size 13 ones, and putting on his jacket that was way too baggy on me. I broadened my shoulders and put a stern face on, pretending there were people all around me.

“You!” I said pointing to a random corner. “Shut your mouth.” Noah and Jacob both threw their head back and laughed simultaneously. Dammit! That meant Zach wouldn’t be up next…ohwell. 

Nadia and Rida were grinning, but they still hadn’t laughed yet and Zach had a ghost of a smile on his face. I walked up to him and pulled my nose back so that I looked like a pig. At that, the twins burst out laughing and I could see Zach was holding himself back. I kept switching from pig face to dry face until finally he cracked.

“Man that is one ugly face. I saw up your nose way too many times.” I just laughed, not even offended by his comment. I made both Noah and Jacob lick the floor as a dare and they actually did it! Such animals. 

We continued playing for an hour until our stomachs were aching from laughter. Even Jacob had gone up once and managed to make everyone laugh. I knew Noah was still upset with me but he had loosened up…I’d make him a killer breakfast tomorrow and everything would be fine again.

We walked back out again to munch, since we were all feeling peckish. Laughing really does make you hungry I thought, as I shoved a piece of chocolate cake into my mouth. Looking around I realised Zach and Jacob weren’t present. Huh.

I walked back inside until I could hear whisper-yelling emanating near the doorway. 

“Where are you going Jacob?” came Zach’s stern voice.

“It’s none of your business Zach. So stay out of it,” replied Jacob, harshly.

“I’m sick of you sneaking out at night! Where are you going? Do you know how worried sick mum gets every single night. Do you even care about her?” Zach was staring his brother down intensely and I could see a heated argument coming.

“Argh! Yes I do. Look you don’t understand OK. One day you will but right now I need you to stop questioning me,” Jacob said, turning to leave.

“Well maybe if you showed any interest in our family or tried opening up, maybe I wouldn’t.” Oh Zach…he was just making the situation worse.

“You know what I’m sick of? Ever since dad died, you’ve been trying to act like the man of the house. Trying to make decisions that clearly aren’t for you to decide. So stop acting older than your age and just relax.” 

“Well someone has to,” Zach countered. I could see the hurt register on Jacobs face before he walked out, slamming the door behind him. Zach fell on the couch and put his head in his hands, leaning his elbows on his knees. 

I walked in and sat next to him. “Are you okay? That was...tense.”

He looked up then, as if surprised by my presence. “Did you hear all that?”

“Yes…,” I replied cautiously. “Maybe you should of held back on saying a few things Zach…”

“You know what? I don’t need you to tell me what to do and I don’t need you right now. You weren’t supposed to hear all that. Just leave me alone,” he voiced, whispering the last part,

Woah.

“Are you serious?” When he didn’t reply and just kept his head down, I got up and walked off.

What a way to end the night, I thought.

****

A/N

Salam/Hello to all my lovely readers! Firstly can I just apologise for the extra long wait. I have been so incredibly busy and on top of that I’ve been sick for the last week, at times I was completely bed ridden, so please forgive me!

PLEASE comment and vote. You guys don’t realise how much it means to me when you leave a small comment of support/criticism.

Lastly….1.8K reads. Can I just say…WOAH. You guys are bloody amazing and I love you for the sake of Allah 

Stay Awesome!

Definitions:

Allah: God

Dua: Supplication/Prayer

Khalto: Auntie 

Tabouli: A salad, popular in many Arab cultures. 

Allah yerhamo: ‘God bless him’ or ‘God have mercy on him’ 

Jannah: Heaven