"When looking towards the world for answers; know that your search will be feeble" - Me

Chapter 4 - Why?

The next few days were uneventful with my basic routine of uni and study, until finally it was Friday. It was the afternoon and I was in my last lecture of the day, Psychological Interventions, counting down the minutes until 3pm. Usually I would be engrossed in what the lecturer was saying but for some reason I was on edge today and just wanted to get out of here.

Finally at five past 3 my lecturer had the good grace to stop talking and as I was leaving the lecture hall I was stopped by Salma.

“Salams girly,” she said hugging me and smiling widely as usual.

“Wasalams beautiful. Where have you been?!” I asked hugging her back. I hadn’t seen Salma since our history lecture on Monday morning and that was unusual since she was usually bobbing around campus, talking to everyone. It was hard to miss her.

“I’ve been so busy lately, you wouldn’t believe. I’ve been baby-sitting for mum since she’s sick and on top of that I have 5 exams in the next two weeks. Then I visit the orphanage every afternoon.” She sighed dramatically. “But Alhamdulillah,” she said the smile returning to her face.

She was honestly so amazing and I was proud of how she could maintain such a busy lifestyle. Ma Sha Allah, Salma had 7 little siblings with her being the oldest and I could only imagine how much of a toll it would have on her to babysit them. The last time I went home with her, I had only stepped one foot in the door before I was thrown to the ground and had 7 kids screaming in my face. I may or may not have peed a little in my pants. Apparently screaming uncontrollably for no apparent reason at your guests is entertaining for children these days. I worry for the next generation.

“You’ll get through it like you always do Salma,” I said reassuringly. I cringed a little before I said, “if you need any help baby sitting the little ones just let me know.”

She thanked me and when she saw another one of our friends, Shaymah, she ran off to hug her. I waved and blew a kiss at Shaymah and Salma before heading out. Usually I would stay back to hang but I was honestly not in the mood.

As I was walking I remembered that tomorrow and after I’d have to head to the orphanage as well. It was one of the highlights of my week. It was a small Palestinian orphanage that had children from the ages of newborn to sixteen. I had used the kids for survey once, for one of my psychological reports and to say the data that I had gathered was shocking, is an understatement. 90% of the children’s parents were killed by Israeli forces and 1/3 children had no desire or saw no purpose in living.

When I was conducting the survey last year, Ehab, a four-year-old boy who I held so close to my heart, explained to me that he didn’t want to live in this world anymore. When I asked him why, he said that he wanted to ‘stop seeing mummy die in my dreams’. He was one of the children that witnessed their parents dead bodies. After that he had cried in my arms and asked me if I would be his new mum. I remember saying ofcourse, kissing him on the head and then immediately walking off. I had locking myself in the bathroom and cried for a good twenty minutes. From that day I made it my mission to ensure that each and every kid in that orphanage had a goal to strive for in their life, no matter how trivial it was.

I was heading to Zach’s house because I missed his mother immensely. I hadn’t seen her for a while mainly because of uni and the fact that Zach was always at my house. Regardless, I always tried to make time for her; she truly was a beautiful woman. There was something in the manner and characteristics of Zach’s mother that reminded me of my grandmother who passed away last year, Allah yerhama. They were both so open and caring, always there to give you a hug and make you feel better, just by sharing a look of understanding with you.

I reached his house within 10 minutes, which was pretty fast, but my jittery body was urging me forward. I knocked on the door and after what seemed like an eternity the door swung open and there, stood Zach in all his might. 

“Hi Zuzu,” I said beaming widely. Before he could respond his mothers head popped out from behind him. 

“Yasmine is that you?! Yallah come in, come in!” she said enthusiastically.

I shoved past Zach who was standing there with his arms crossed and a frown on his face, no doubt unimpressed by my greeting. I walked straight into his mother’s outstretched arms and hugged her tightly. She was like a big panda, you just wanted to hug them forever. Except she wasn’t furry.

“You have forgotten about me,” she said, a sad smile on her face. 

“No no, never! How could I forget about my second mother?” I said lifting her hand and kissing it.

She smiled tenderly at me and cupped my face. “Look at you Ma Sha Allah. You grow more beautiful with every day that passes. Your husband will be a very lucky man!” I heard a snort from behind me and turned to glare at Zach. 

He still had his arms crossed and was leaning back, watching us. “The guy who marries her will last one week and then he’ll request psychological help. The poor guy won’t even know what hit him.” 

“Oh shutup Zach. What about the girl that marries you? She will last ONE day before she smells your socks and goes running.” I doubled over, laughing so hard I had to sit down. Man his mum was a legend, I loved how she put him on the spot. And the best part? He couldn’t talk back to her.

“I’m a guy,” he said shrugging it off. Ew.

He walked off into his room after that and left me and his mum to catch up. She ofcourse wouldn’t let me help her cook and instead shoved all sorts of food in my face. And, well, I can never say no to food. 

**** 

After we had eaten, Zach and I were sitting in the living room staring at the ceiling. I think we were both undergoing comprehension mode. God why do Arabs have to force-feed everyone?

“Can you carry me home?” I said jokingly.

“Nah. You’re too – “ he saw the glare I was giving him and stopped right there. “You’re too, um, fragile?” What the hell? 

“You’re a freak,” I said and got up. I had to get up now otherwise I would never get up. Zach stood up as well, ready to walk me home.

Before any of us could move however, we heard a colossal explosion outside the house and I could have sworn the house shook a bit. Immediately, I could feel my face draining of colour and my hands begin to shake. Oh no. What this time? 

Zach had run outside and I followed him stopping dead in my tracks when I was out the door. One of the buildings, which looked like a large apartment complex was in ruins, the charcoal grey of the building and fire staining the blue sky. It was quite far from us, however the aftermath was still apparent.

I was so shaken by the sight that I didn’t realise Zach’s mum and Jacob standing behind me. I looked at Zach and he had his hands clenched, his eyes burning with fury. 

“Jacob let’s go.” Jacob nodded and before they could walk off I unconsciously grabbed Zach’s arm.

“What! Wait where are you going! It’s way too dangerous!” Zach’s eyes softened, just a little.

“Yasmine you of all people should understand why we’re going. What if there are, you know…bodies. Or people injured. We need to help.” 

“Yes, but just wait a while it’s too soon! What if something – “

“Yasmine just relax. Go inside and sit with my mum, In Sha Allah we’ll be back soon.” It wasn’t a request, it was a demand. His eyes flickered to his mother and he gave her a small smile before, moving his arm out of my grip he walked off, Jacob right with him.

I stared after them, my mouth agape and eyes wide. My hands began shaking more violently and I was beginning to sweat a little. I was being led inside, by who or what I don’t know.

Not until someone forced me to drink a cup or water and I heard a soft voice reciting the Qur’an, did I begin to calm down. Zach’s mother was looking at me worriedly. 

“Thanks khalto,” I said, my voice hoarse. 

I got up and began pacing unable to sit down. Ya Allah please keep them safe. Ya Allah please make sure no one was injured. Oh god. My father and Noah would have gone out to help as well. The men were all brave and I knew it was their duty but the worry was eating me up from the inside. I wiped my palms against my jeans and took a deep breath. 

Nope. I couldn’t stand around here and do nothing. I waited for khalto to walk into the kitchen before I bolted and ran out the door. I know it was selfish leaving her alone in her worry, but I had to do this. Ya Allah, keep us all safe. 

****

Zach’s POV

Again. This is the second time in three months when the Israeli’s have decided to blow a building of ours up. Ofcourse this was a natural occurrence but the hits were randomised and calculated. Last time it was our library. They destroyed not only our books that revolved around, Islam, History, Fiqh, Aqeeda, and Tafseer, but all the knowledge that could have come out from them. Knowledge that could have taught OUR future generations.

And this time? An apartment complex. Peoples HOMES. I clenched my fists and walked faster. How dare they? The last time a Palestinian home was demolished their excuse was ‘military and security needs’. This time? Allahu a3lam. We lived extremely close to the Rafah border, South of the Gaza strip, which divided us from Egypt. There are only two borders, the other one being the Erez border, North of the Gaza strip which connected into the Israeli settlements.

It was not unusal for them to bomb close to the Rafah border and that is why we were constantly under danger.

I was walking so fast that Jacob had to jog to catch up with me. Once he was by my side he looked at me and I could see the raw pain in his eyes. This was all a reminder for him. A reminder of Yusuf. He turned away clenching his jaw and I knew he was trying to hide the tears in his eyes.

We arrived at the scene within five minutes and when I beheld the sight in front of me all I could do was fall to my knees. I wanted to scream. Scream out WHY. Why ya Allah is this happening? But I didn’t. Because I knew deep down Allah is watching and as long as he’s watching, justice would be served.

The rubble was the first thing I saw. Big blocks of beige bricks and piles of debris scattered everywhere.  The sky above us was stained with charcoal grey, merging on black, a result from the missile bomb that had just been dropped from a F16. I could still hear it, the drones intertwining with the screams of women and children, a sound almost common. People were being pulled out from underneath the bricks, blood, cuts and bruises apparent.

I took deep breaths, clenching and unclenching my fists. I began to read Surah Duha in my head. It always calmed me down no matter how bad the situation was. 

I went from injured person to injured person, helping out in anyway I could. Because of my build I was able to carry people to the shelter where they could get some form of treatment. I had already counted six people dead.

I decided to do one last round to check for anymore injured people. I walked further than before and just as I was about to turn back I saw something black piercing through the bright beige. I squinted my eyes and walked forward trying to get a better view.

 As soon as I got closer and saw what the black really was my blood ran cold. No. I ran towards the black bed of hair and pulled the small child out. It was a young boy. I turned him around and immediately realised that he was dead. A closer inspection. No…it couldn’t be. Not him, please Ya Allah. 

I immediately started crying and put my forehead against his, closing my eyes.

“Z- Zach?” I heard someone calling me from behind. I turned around. What was she doing here? I specifically told her to stay home and now she had to witness this! 

“W-who is it?” she said shakily, almost on the verge of tears. Before I could stop her, she walked around and when she saw who was in my arms an ear-piercing scream shattered the air around us. A scream so loud, so full of emotion and pain that it would replay and break my heart, over and over, for years to come. 

****

Salam All! Here is Chapter 4! Sorry it took me a few days but I’ve had exams this week and I only just finished a killer psychology assignment (yes I actually study psychology) two hours before, and then I immediately wrote this chapter :)

I want you guys to know that yes this is an Islamic love story, but my intention is to also bring in the reality of the situation in Palestine at the moment. I want it to be both entertaining and educational simultaneously, with a large focus on Romance and Drama. 

So tell me what you guys think? Was it intense or not? Who do you guys think is the child? 

Please vote and comment! :) 

Definitions 

In Sha Allah: 'If Allah wills it'

Ma Sha Allah: 'what Allah has willed'

Allah yerhama: ‘God bless her’ or ‘God have mercy on her’ 

Yallah: Hurry. 

Khalto: Aunty.

Fiqh: Islamic jurisprudence/rulings/Shariah

Aqeeda: Oneness of Allah

Tafseer: Interpretations and meaning of the Qur’an

Allahu a3lam: vaguely translates into ‘Only Allah knows’

Surah: Verse in the holy Qur’an.