"A moment of patience, in a moment of anger, prevents a thousand moments of regret." - Ali ibn. Talib

Dedicated to @EnchantedByIslam You're also one of the first people to have read my book and giving it a shot! I remember these things you know! [Did I ever mention how much I love your username?

~ The mosque mentioned in this chapter was recently destroyed by Israel. 

Chapter 21 - Regret.

“Yasmine hurry up or we’re going to miss salah!” Nadia shouted from downstairs. 

“Coming!” I yelled. I quickly slipped on my purple jilbab over my black skirt and grabbed my phone before running down the stairs, nearly tripping on a lego block. 

My family were all waiting outside for me impatiently. It was the day before Ramadan, meaning taraweeh prayers had started. Al Saleheen mosque was only a ten minute walk from our house, as was most things so we found no point in taking the car. Not that our one car fit us all anyway. 

For every step you took walking towards the mosque, Allah (swt) rewarded you for it immensely, so walking was indeed the more beneficial option.

“Took you long enough,” Noah grumbled, taking the lead and walking off, his white abaya rustling with his movements. 

I sighed. Noah has been all pissy with me lately and I didn’t know why. I had an inkling it was because of my ‘acting out’ but it was a bit extreme to get angry over that. 

I pushed these thoughts aways for now and focused on the beautiful atmosphere that came with Ramadan. As we walked towards the mosque, I could almost taste it in the air - there’s just something so uplifting when it comes to the holy month. Putting your own desires and needs to the side, and fasting a whole day in recognition of others around the world, who aren’t as advantaged. 

It was a blissful feeling. 

The weather mid year was always perfect and I wished to go and lay on the sand and drink in the sky. The beaches in Gaza, were in a sense, nonfunctional, since more than half of them were contaminated. Due to the continuous power cuts, we have low quality sewerage treatment stations, which pump water into the sea. It’s the most difficult in the summer, when people can't even go in for a dip. 

I slipped my shoes off at the entrance and walked into the ladies area of the mosque. 

After praying ‘isha, the eight extra taraweeh prayers and listening to a short lecture by the sheikh, it was time to go. I always felt like time went too fast in Ramadan but that is exactly why we had to cherish every moment of it. 

We waited outside for my dad, Noah and Adam, who persisted he had to be with the ‘men’. I could see them in the distance talking to their friends and I knew we would be waiting for a while. Unfortunately, both Salma and Shaymah couldn’t pray, meaning they’d miss out on the first few days of fasting.

After what seemed like an eternity waiting for them, Adam ran up to us enthusiastically and started jumping up and down uncontrollably. 

“Mama I prayed with Noah!”

My mum laughed joyfully before bending down to kiss him. “Masha’Allah I’m very proud of you.” 

He beamed at her and then skipped back to Noah, grasping his hand firmly incase he decided to move away from him. I was yet to understand his obsession with him.

“Ready for the first day of Ramadan ladies?” Dad asked, slipping on his jacket and smiling up at us. We all nodded our heads eagerly, the excitement regenerating. 

“And may we live to see many more, ameen,” mum continued, ushering us along the pavement. We all mumbled an ameen and began heading home. 

****

The first thing I did when I arrived home was turn the kettle on and begin to wash and cut up some fruits. It was a late night craving and I needed to satisfy it. 

Instead of cutting up some for myself, I prepared a large bowl for the family as well as some hot tea. I decided to bring some dates and put it all out on the table.

“Ahh. Spoiling us before the big day tomorrow?” My dad said eyeing the food with delight. 

“You know it yabba!” He chuckled at my response and wasted no time in digging in.

“Where’s Noah?” I inquired, looking around the room.

“Upstairs, I think,” mum replied. 

I walked up and knocked on his door, before walking into his room. It was unusually tidy for a boy, excepting his few dirty socks. He was lying on his bed, feet propped up whilst texting on his phone. 

“Whatcha doing?” I asked, walking over and laying down next to him. 

“Not much.” His eyes never left his phone and I knew it was a sign he didn’t want to talk to me. Noah always put his technology aside when talking to people. 

“So do you want to enlighten me as to what I’ve done wrong?” I propped my chin on his arm and tried to be playful, but he still didn’t acknowledge me.

“No.” 

“Noah -,” 

“Yasmine I said no. Just leave.” Shocked at his enraged voice, I lifted my body away from him. He was dead serious and his eyes still hadn’t strayed to me, not once.

“OK…there’s tea and fruit downstairs if you want,” I murmured. With no reply from him I walked out of his room feeling ten times worse then when I walked in. 

He must know. 

There was no other explanation. Noah had never spoken to me like that before, so he somehow found out about the sneaking out at night. 

Could it be?

I walked directly into my room and sat down on my bed, contemplating what I should do. I was planning on going again tonight, since I hadn’t gone in the last two days but it was getting harder and harder to cover my tracks. 

I decided I would go again tonight but for a shorter period - I would lock my door again so they would assume I was asleep and there was no chance Noah would come knocking since he wasn’t even talking to me. 

I changed into my usual dark outfit, with the essential hooded jumper. I locked my door, grabbed my phone and torchlight and opened the window. I was now an expert at moving down the house and it took me a few seconds before I reached the ground. 

I turned around and was ready to set off, when I came face to face with Zach. His arms were crossed around his chest and he was giving me a look I had never ever gotten from him. A look of raw disappointment. 

If my widened eyes and inability to talk don’t give away my deceitful behaviour, than I don’t know what will. 

His stare was sharp and powerful and I could see a tick in his jaw go off. Bewildered, I lowered my head in shame of being caught out. I knew he was still staring at me and it only increased my desire to absolutely disappear.

“What are you doing here?” I whispered.

“I think the better question is what are you doing here?” In almost every circumstance in my life, I could always come up with a witty remark and cover myself up but this time, my brain betrayed me and left me with nothing. I opened and closed my mouth, unable to fathom an excuse. 

He laughed humourlessly and shook his head. “So are you going to tell me what it is, that has caused you to sneak out at night? Because I can’t think of even one rational argument right now Yasmine.” 

I didn’t reply. What could I say? 

“Look at me Yasmine.” Reluctantly I lifted my eyes off the floor and looked into his deep emerald eyes. 

“Did you lie to me?” 

I nodded my head. “Yes.” I watched him clench and unclench his jaw and his behaviour was unsettling me, to the extent that I wanted to just plead to him to forget all this. 

He turned around and ran his hand through his hair frustratedly. 

“Why?” He wasn’t looking at me when he asked and it pained me that he felt so betrayed, he didn’t want to merely look at me. 

“I can’t tell you Zach, because if I tell you, then you’ll stop me.” 

He faced me once again and had no less than a shocked expression on his face. 

“So you’re actually not going to tell me? I can’t believe it.” 

My throat was dry and I was speechless. What would I tell him? Oh yes, I’ve been hunting down a complete stranger nearly every night, a stranger who also happened to attack me? A stranger who I also believed wanted to hurt you? 

After a full minute of silence he began speaking again. 

“So I tell you that I’m most likely going overseas to study and that we need to distance ourselves as friends and this is how you start behaving? I thought you had left all that behind you, you should know better,” he berated. “Is this about me leaving? Are you meeting up with someone, Abdullah maybe?”

I gasped at his last suggestion and my eyes instantly filled with tears. 

“You actually think I would do something like that?” I blinked and my tears fell freely. I wiped them away hurriedly, hating the fact that I couldn’t hold them in. 

“Look, I’m sorry OK, I just don’t know what to think. I’m going crazy here Yasmine.” I turned my face away from him. 

“Well I’ll put you at ease. This has got nothing to do with you leaving - my world doesn’t revolve around you.” I knew my words were harsh but I felt like he had put a knife in my back with that last comment. 

“Ouch,” he whispered, taking one step back. 

“It’s funny how if a girl sneaks out of the house, men will always assume it’s because she’s involved in something promiscuous.”

“What?! No, Yasmine, I didn’t mean it like -,” 

“Save it Zach. I don’t have to answer to you anyway.” I turned around with the intention of climbing back up into my room but I stopped upon hearing his broken voice.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it like that, in fact I only said it in a moment of rage and I know it’s something I’ll regret forever. But I’ll mention one thing to you,” he continued, his voice getting a bit stronger.

“The Yasmine I know, doesn’t lie in the face of her family and friends. The Yasmine I know, used to consult in me and I know I said we can’t be as close but I want you to know that if you’re ever in a dangerous or difficult situation, I’ll still be here for you. For some reason, I feel like what you’re getting yourself into now is dangerous and that’s why I just expected you to tell me. I’m not going to tell Noah but I will post myself here every night until I trust that you’re not going to sneak out anymore. I expected better from you Yasmine.” 

I didn’t have the guts to look at him whilst he was speaking, so I stayed rooted to the spot, my hands holding onto the ledge. I contemplated my next choice of words and in a slow whisper all I could conjure was, “sometimes you lie to protect the ones you love.”

I hoisted myself up and speedily made my way up, not turning around or looking down once. I slammed my window and crawled directly into bed.

****

I was sitting in my tutorial class wondering how I would dodge this new issue. If Zach would camp outside my room, how would I ever discover who this person was? I bit my lip and attempted to think of a way around it, when suddenly, the most simple and logical answer came to me. 

I would go during the day. In fact, I would go after this class ended, since it was my last one anyway and I could make it back in time for iftar. I counted down the minutes and literally bolted out the door. 

“Salam Yasmine!” I caught Miriam’s face in the crowd but I gestured I was in a rush and blew her a kiss. She frowned but smiled nonetheless and waved at me as I passed her by. 

It took me twenty minutes to walk to the area and by the time I arrived I was sweating profusely. I walked around the usual street vendors and busy shops and slowed down when I got to the deserted area.

Except now, it was no longer deserted. I stared on in shock as I watched the men roaming around, random tents built up here and there. Shovels, bricks and bottles of water lay strewn on the floor. There were large mountains of rubble, sand and soil surrounding me and I finally realised what was happening in front of me. 

It was a tunnel building complex. It made sense. It was why we were so close to the Rafah border. 

I continued scanning the area until my eyes landed on someone I knew. In fact, someone I knew very well.

I gasped. 

“Jacob?!” 

A/N

Am I AWESOME or what?! DOUBLE UPDATE, OH YEAH. 

Jokes, I just love you guys so much and I've left you with so much cliffhangers so I've decided to reward you for it :)

I do however expect ALL of you to VOTE and COMMENT! That would be muchly appreciated!

Definitions: 

Allah: God

Salah: Prayer

Jilbab: Long scarf that reaches above the knees

Taraweeh: Additional prayers offered in the holy month of Ramadan

Ramadan: Islamic Holy Month

Abaya: Long dress for males 

Sheikh: Similar to a priest I guess

Iftar: Breaking of the fast