"Sometimes, you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself." - Anonymous

Dedicated to @SkyCastles - if you guys haven't checked out her book 'Nazim' you absolutely must do so! Infact before you even start reading this chapter, go add it to your reading list! And thank you for your amazing support! ❤

~ Have been quite sick lately so I ask you all to keep me in your dua/prayers. JazakAllah khair and thanks!

Chapter 19 - Dragged.

I cracked one eye open, my head spinning. I felt like I was floating, the cool air swiping at my face every now and then. I could faintly see trees and people passing me by but they were…upside down? Finally, I managed to open both my eyes and it didn’t take me long to realise that I was being carried. 

By Zach.

“Wha-?” Slowly, I became aware of his strong arms, one under my head, supporting my neck and the other under my knees. He was holding me against his chest and looking up at his face, it was obvious he hadn’t seen me awaken. His face was blank, staring ahead but I didn’t miss the slight crinkle in between his eyebrows, which I learned to mean he was worried. 

I couldn’t help feeling extremely safe and warm in his arms almost like I was invincible. Zach’s always made you feel that way, my annoying subconscious voice whispered to me. I couldn’t disagree. 

A few seconds later and I fully comprehended the situation.

“Oh my god!” I squealed, attempting to wiggle myself out of his arms. Startled, Zach looked down at me, shooting me an alarmed look. 

“What’s wrong? Is something hurting?” 

“Zach,” I said, looking straight into his eyes. “Put. Me. Down!” I couldn’t believe he was casually carrying me around uni, the guy was asking for a death sentence!

He relaxed slightly before he began analysing my red face as I became increasingly frustrated and not to mention, embarrassed. 

“Why? So you can just faint again?” 

“Put me down!” I seethed. I felt his grip on me tighten, all the while he looked into my eyes challengingly. 

“I’m going to kill you Zach. Kill. You.” He shook his head at me, a faint smile on his face. 

“Most people would just say thank you for saving them. You could've cracked your head open on the concrete floor.” I felt like strangling him around the neck but our current appearance was already compromising enough. I remained quiet, brooding at his stubbornness.

“Relax. I’ll put you down in a minute.” 

True to his word, only a minute later we walked into the admin office area that had a tiny room attached to it known as the ‘sick bay,’ despite it only having one small rectangular bed, a freezer and a few draws filled with antiseptics and other medicines. Passing the staff, who all had raised eyebrows, Zach immediately took me into the room and lay me down on the bed. 

I watched him pull away, the crinkle still apparent between his eyes. Was I too harsh?

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

“No worries.” I expected him to leave straight away, especially after his confession last night, but he stayed rooted to his spot. I didn’t want to look into his eyes so I occupied myself with fixing my hijab. 

Just when I thought I would explode from the tension, he spoke up. 

“You haven’t been eating have you?” 

“Not really,” I mumbled, now looking around the room, anything to avoid eye contact.

I heard him sigh. “You know your anaemic and you have low Vitamin D. Why would you be so reckless?” he asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. “No appetite.”

“Yasmine -,” he began, before the nurse, Ms. Odeh, I think her name was, walked in. She gave us both disapproving looks, her arms crossed over her chest and I found myself blushing under her disapproving gaze. 

“That was quite the sight. But I don’t ever want to see anything like that again. Understand?” We both nodded at her before she told Zach to leave. He put my bag and folder by the door, giving me one last intense look as he walked away, shoulders slumped. 

Great. Now things are even more awkward. 

Ms. Odeh was quiet as she checked my temperature and blood pressure. Her silence was stressing me out so I spoke up, feeling the need to justify what just happened.

“We’re just friend you know.” Her eyes flickered to me but she still didn’t say anything.

“I fainted,” I continued. 

“Mhmm.” She straightened up from her bent position and walked back into the office area. Wow. Such conversation. 

She came back a few minutes later with a file in her hands. She was skimming through it, flipping a page every now and then, before closing it and crossing her arms again. 

“Well Yasmine,” she began, her intimidating gaze falling on me. “Have you been eating iron based foods lately?” I shook my head no. I wasn’t surprised my anaemia had gotten worse since I haven’t exactly been watching my diet, however, most people in Gaza were anaemic due to the lack of supply of meats and proper foods. 

“To me, that seems like the most likely explanation for your fatigue. You need to eat anything with iron in it, especially red meat. Drink lots of water and get proper sleep. That should do the job,” she finished off. I nodded my head and accepted the bottle of water and banana she gave me to eat. I smiled appreciatively at her and walked towards the door picking up my belongings on the way.

I was just about to leave before she called me back. 

“Oh and Yasmine - you’re fooling yourself if you think you’re friends.” 

With that she turned around, completely dismissing me, and began to pack up her equipment. I walked out of the office quite shocked at her comment - but somewhere at the back of my mind, I knew she was perfectly right. 

****

I opened the door to my house and welcomed the homey feel and the faint smell of rice being cooked. I walked into the kitchen and kissed mum on the cheek and gave a quick salam to the kids as they watched T.V. on my way upstairs. I couldn’t see Dad or Noah anywhere but I was too lazy to ask about them. 

Just as I was about to peel my scarf off, my phone buzzed with a message from Abdullah. The parents agreed we could exchange numbers so that Abdullah could easily contact me whenever he wanted to see me. Like now, it seemed.

‘Salam Yasmine! I was wondering if you were free tonight, I was hoping to drop past. Let me know!’

I was still quite tired but I had not seen Abdullah in almost a week so I felt it would be rude to reject him. I messaged back to say he was most welcome and only a few minutes later he replied to inform me he’d be here later in the evening. 

I’ve got a few hours to kill to do absolutely nothing. Nothing. Today was one of those days where I just wanted to lay down on my bed and stare at the ceiling, thinking, feeling and seeing, close to nothing. 

And that’s exactly what I did. 

I don’t know how long I was zoned out staring at my white ceiling but it must’ve been pretty long since the brightness started to blind me. I didn’t even go down to eat when mum called me for dinner. 

“BOO!” I jumped at the sudden and unexpected voice, getting up at the speed of light. I stilled my racing heart when I realised it was just Noah. He was shoving a sandwich into his mouth and grinning at me, simultaneously trying to speak. 

“Noah, I know you can’t be anything close to gentlemanlike or manly but at least try to act like a human,” I quipped.

“Oh and stop slamming my door,” I snapped. “It’s going to fall of it’s hinges one day.” 

He swallowed his last bite and stared at me questioningly. “Well someone’s feisty today.” 

“You’re feisty today,” I retorted.

He snorted. “That was lame even for you.” 

“What do you want Noah?” I asked, returning to my former position. 

“Do I have to want something to speak to my own sister?” 

“No,” I replied. “But I’m tired and your talking requires the use of too much brain cells.” 

“Should I feel complimented or offended by that?” 

I just shrugged my shoulders. “Feel whatever you want to feel, darling brother.” I closed my eyes and turned onto my right side. Mmm maybe I should nap.

“What’s wrong with you? You’ve been mopey and depressed all last night and this morning.” 

“Have not.” 

“Yes you have. Why didn’t you come down to eat?” 

“Not hungry.” 

I heard him exhale slowly. “I know you fainted today.” 

I peeked one eye open, to look at him. “How do you know that? Did Zach tell you?” I felt slightly cock eyed since Noah was so tall and I was still laying on my bed.

“No he didn’t. Like I always say, I’m your older brother. Meaning I always know everything.” I eyed him suspiciously. If Zach didn’t tell him then who did?   

“Now get up and go eat otherwise I’ll haul you over my shoulder and bring you down myself.” I dismissed thoughts of Zach and the longing and slightly pained look he gave me today, and decided to listen to my brother. Especially now, since I could feel a headache coming on. 

I didn’t object to Noah’s threat due to my laziness and instead, reached my hands out to him and pouted. “Please.” 

“Fine, you toad.” I smiled like a child as he picked me up and carried me downstairs, all the way into the kitchen, before plopping me down into a chair. I crossed my arms and lay my head onto them, staring at Noah with a lazy smile.

“Food?” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Please,” I added. 

“See what I mean? Mopey and depressed,” he repeated, mumbling more to himself. He turned around and pulled out a plate from the cupboard before moving off to the stove to fill some food.

A few minutes later and I was happily eating my favourite food, capsi, which although it consisted of only rice, nuts and chicken, nothing could ever trump its taste. 

“There you are Yasmine,” my mum said, walking in. “Where did you disappear to?” 

“Nothing just chilling in my room.” I turned away and shoved a helping of rice into my mouth. 

“You look awfully tired.” She turned my face towards her and I almost chocked on my food. She was practically staring into my soul. “You have bags under your eyes,” she observed. 

I hope Noah doesn’t tell her I fainted. Knowing mum she’d somehow link it back to the bombings a few weeks ago and somehow conclude that I was dying. 

“Just uni stress mum,” I said, putting my most convincing smile on. I could feel Noah’s stare on me, it was almost suspicious, but I paid him no mind. 

“Oh I forgot to tell you. Abdullah’s coming over tonight.” 

She walked over to the sink and began to pack away some clean dishes. “That’s alright habibti, what time is he coming?” The dome of the rock clock that was hanging on the wall perpendicular to me, read that is was almost seven meaning he’d be here in half an hour. 

“You’d better go get dressed. Tell your sisters and warn your dad he’s coming too,” she said, after I informed her.

I nodded my head and scarfed down the rest of my food.

****

“So do you think you’ve changed much since you were a child?” Abdullah asked, taking a sip of his tea.

“Interesting question,” I said. I bit my lip, contemplating my life as a child, compared to my life now.

“Yes and no,” I said. Abdullah raised his eyebrows and his brown eyes twinkled with curiosity. 

“Enlighten me,” he said. He pushed his glasses higher up onto his nose and waited for my response.

“Well I’m not as rebellious for starters,” I began, smiling. “I used to be a very hateful kid. I think I pranked nearly every single teacher and student in my primary school.” Abdullah gave a small chuckle but gestured for me to continue. 

“I didn’t get along with many peers, I was quite anti-social as a kid. I think I’ve remained the same in that I have a really strong personality that not many people can break through. I’m still stubborn and a little impatient, but I think we all have those characteristics.” I was reluctant to admit I had a strong personality. Didn’t many guys despise women who were too headstrong and upfront? Then again, marriage doesn’t mean you have to change yourself to satisfy the other person. They should accept your flaws and even cherish them. 

My demeanour was something that I knew would never change. It was just who I am. So maybe it was a good thing to ‘warn’ Abdullah of that little fact, incase he was one of those men. 

“I see,” he said, nodding his head slowly. “And what do you think made you change?”

“Well I met Z -” I stopped myself just at the last second. 

What was I thinking? I had replied almost on instinct but even I knew it wouldn’t be the wisest thing to casually mention another mans name in the conversation. It didn’t matter…like Zach said, we’d be distant friends soon anyway.

A wave of sadness came over me the exact moment the thought passed my mind. 

“Yasmine?” Coming back into reality, I shook my head and gave Abdullah an apologetic smile. 

“Sorry, zoned out for a second…was taken down memory land. What was I saying? Oh yes - I met a few good friends and I guess they just had a good influence on me. Enough about me though…what was your childhood like?” I swiftly tried to shift the conversation onto him, before he decided to prod any further.

“Well that’s good to hear,” he said, seemingly not interested in dwelling over my muck up. 

“My childhood brings back memories of mostly Rayan since we’re the only siblings.” I smiled at that.

“You guys are really close, no?” 

“Oh extremely. Of course like most siblings we get on each others nerves but at the end of the day I think she takes the title of best friend.” I found that extremely adorable, since there was almost eight years difference between the two, yet they were able to sustain a firm relationship. 

Our conversation flowed nicely for another hour straight but since it was the middle of the week and I had uni the next day and he had work, we called it a night. 

“I really enjoyed myself tonight Yasmine,” Abdullah said, giving me a large smile. 

“Me too.” I watched as he slipped on his navy jacket and proceeded to shake my dads hand and bid farewell to my family who were sitting only a metre from us the whole night. 

As usual we walked him to the door and waited for him to get into the car and drive off. I waved at his passing car and released a big breath, I never realised I was holding. Instead of walking back inside I checked the time on my wrist watch and realised it was nine-thirty. It’s not that late. 

I knew my parents would never let me leave at this time of night…unless I had an excuse. I ran up my steps, two at a time, and grabbed the first book I could see. I bolted back downstairs and put on the best puppy dog look I could muster. 

“Mum, dad,” I said. My dad was lying on the couch and my mum had taken her scarf off allowing my dad to lightly run his fingers through her hair. 

“Yes habibti?” 

“Can I quickly run to Salma’s house to drop off this book? I’ll be back in fifteen minutes tops.” 

“OK, but take Noah with you,” my dad said and continued to absentmindedly play with mums hair. 

I internally groaned. “Dad there’s no point, I’m honestly just going to run there and back. And I’ve got my mobile on me,” I added, for good measure. 

He thought for a few minutes before I could saw him mentally give up. “Fine. Be quick and if you’re not back in exactly fifteen minutes I’ll be out that door to find you.” I rolled my eyes and kissed his head before running out the door, not missing Noah’s, yet again, suspicious looks.

Damn boy was on to me. 

When I was out the door, I didn’t cease my running. In fact, I continued running for the next few minutes straight, loving the adrenaline pumping through my body and the feel of the wind against my face. 

I slowed my pace and caught my breath, as I came to a more commercial area filled with street vendors and coffee shops that had men sitting outside, some smoking and some just sipping from their drinks. I could smell the apple and mint scented argileh in the air and it made me cringe. I absolutely hated smoke and anything that meant harming your body. Let’s not forget it’s haram.

I wasn’t actually going to Salma’s house and I felt terrible that I had lied. There was no exception to lying even if it was a joke but I seriously needed some fresh air and to clear my jumbled thoughts.

I walked over to a stray log and sat on it, content that it was quite a distance away from the hustle and bustle of the street. I propped my elbows on my knees and ran my hands over my face. 

Something just wasn’t right. I couldn’t pinpoint it, but for a while now, there was a growing feeling of gloom taking over my body.

The only cause for this was Zach. It couldn’t be anyone or anything else. The constant bombings - well that was something we all learnt as children to adapt to. That didn’t faze us and we live a full life even though we know we could die at any given moment. 

Abdullah was great - perfect, almost. I could not find a single flaw in him yet and although that did slightly annoy me, I knew it wasn’t the reason for my distress. I knew these things took time anyway. You could recognise the blemishes in someone only after a year of knowing them.

It’s Zach, my mind told me. Stop denying it.

And I didn’t have the energy to fool myself anymore. I didn’t want Zach to leave. I didn’t want to distance myself from him. I didn’t want anything that meant being away from him. 

I craved his presence. Somehow, just sitting with him, even if in complete silence, felt magical. 

My thoughts strayed back to the words I was close to uttering to Abdullah. Zach was the first real and loyal friend I had ever had. Maybe it was because our relationship was established when he saved my life. At the time I was a complete stranger to him and yet through the years he had continued to do the same thing for me. Perhaps, that is why I felt so connected to him…because although he was quiet in nature, he had the same tinge of rebelliousness that I had.

Don’t be shallow, Yasmine. It’s more than that. 

But what else could it be? The fact that he makes me feel happy, lively, secure and cared for? But couldn’t anyone make me feel that way? 

Not in the way Zach does.

I was being selfish. Ultimately, humans were selfish creatures. If you asked somebody why they loved you they’d tell you because they made you feel all those emotions. Even then, the love they hold is based on how you make them feel. 

The thing is...I knew he wasn't selfish in that way. From the very moment he had risked his life for a stranger. I was a firm believer that a sign of good character is when you can help someone who can give you absolutely nothing in return. Zach had always embodied that concept. 

Shaking my head, I rubbed the inside of my eyes with the heel of palms. I don’t even know how my thoughts took such an abrupt turn in the span of a few minutes. 

I was too confused for my own good.

I looked up and decided to head back home, when I saw a hooded figure walking past me. I couldn’t see the face, only the outline of their body, yet it was clear from the build it was a man. 

I thought nothing of it until I realised he was on the phone and picked up on some fragmented words. 

“Yeah…Zach. No…kill it,” he mumbled. 

My eyes widened and I realised I knew that voice. Who exactly it was, I couldn't be one hundred percent sure, but my curiosity had been piqued and I could feel my untamed side come alive.

I got up lifting my own hoody over my scarf and began to follow him. I knew I was not being rational but I had to figure out who this was and how he was connected to Zach. I had a gut feeling they were talking about my Zach. I just knew.

I had five minutes before I was expected to be home - I would follow him just to scout the area he was going to before leaving. Attempting to remain subtle, I continued to follow him, meandering past the busy streets, until eventually, the amount of people dwindled and we arrived at an open area. 

From what I could see in the night, there was a vast amount of rubble and sand everywhere and I could vaguely see the Rafah border sign in the distance. 

In my scanning of the area I realised I had unintentionally lost him. Damn it. I did a three-sixty degree turn but could not find him anywhere. 

I attempted to turn back around to the front but before I could, I was suddenly grabbed roughly from behind and pushed into someones hard chest. Their hand came up and covered my mouth, muffling my immediate screams. My adrenaline almost on overload, I began to kick my legs against the attacker and tried to pry off their arms from around my waist. It was futile, they were obviously way too strong for me. 

I felt myself being lifted off the ground and dragged into a more darker, secluded area and at this point my heart was about to jump out of my throat. My eyes watered and I began sweating profusely. I had never felt more scared in my entire life. Not even when bombs were going off a few metres away from me. 

I attempted to scream again but they just tightened their grip over my mouth and kept on pulling me back, deeper and deeper into darkness. The book had been knocked from in between my fingers and I watched it helplessly as I was pulled away. 

They say your life flashes before your eyes just as you’re about to die. I didn’t know if death was at my door yet, but my life certainly did flash right before me at that very moment.

****

A/N

PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT. I need to know your thoughts and how I can improve.

Definitions:

Habibti: 'My love' - term of endearment

Haram: Prohibited

Salam: Peace - is a greeting in Arabic. Shortened version of 'Asalamu alaikum'