Seungkwan felt warm breath on his neck, hair tickling his nostrils. He took in a lungful of air and the smell of Vernon's sweat and shampoo hit him.

One of his arms was under Vernon's head and the other was wrapped around Vernon's shoulder. Vernon had his arms wrapped around Seungkwan's waist and their legs were tangled together.

He shifted his arm which was wrapped around Vernon's shoulder and caressed the hair on his nape.

Vernon stirred and Seungkwan felt the arms around his waist tighten.

Seungkwan nuzzled Vernon's hair and kissed him. In turn he felt lips pressing in the middle of his naked chest. He was on his side and he was being pushed on his back.

Vernon's lips wrapped around Seungkwan's nipple and sucked at it. Vernon, in all his naked glory, got on his hands and knees and hovered over Seungkwan.

"'Morning sweetheart..." Vernon said and shifted on another nipple.

Seungkwan could only reply with a moan.

"How're you feeling??" Vernon asked sucking and biting on his neck, drawing blood.

"Good... So good." Seungkwan gasped.

"And your ass??" Vernon said spreading his asscheeks and kneading the firm flesh.

"Nothing I can't handle." Seungkwan met his eyes.

Vernon paused and fell on his back beside Seungkwan while cursing.

"You should've said something to me last night..... I was being all rough and now you're hurting."

"It had been such a long time since I got fucked... It was bound to hurt whether you went slow or rough." Seungkwan said and kissed Vernon on his lips. "Atleast I enjoyed myself." Seungkwan giggled.

Vernon kissed him back while cradling Seungkwan's head in his arms. Seungkwan's hands travelled towards Vernon's soft length and stroked it awake.

Vernon groaned and stopped Seungkwan.

"Why are you always so horny in the mornings??"

"Why?? You don't think you can satisfy my needs??" Seungkwan smirked and straddled Vernon's hips, his tip near the other's entrance.

"Ohh sweet hon, you know me better than that. It's just that I think it's not my dick you need right now." Vernon said.

And as if on cue, Seungkwan's stomach grumbled.

"Uhh yeah.... It's your hole I need." Seungkwan whispered and licked from Vernon's nipple to his earlobe.

Vernon chuckled and sat up with Seungkwan sitting on him. He pulled Seungkwan in a deep kiss and stood up, making Seungkwan stand too.

"Go get some clothes on... We gotta eat something." Vernon said and pushed Seungkwan away.

"Why??? We're home alone." Seungkwan shrugged.

"You're so shameless." Vernon shook his head while putting on the sweatpants he had discarded last night.

"I didn't hear you complaining last night." Seungkwan cocked an eyebrow.

"There was nothing to complain about." Vernon bit Seungkwan's earlobe and spanked him and pushed him towards his discarded clothes.

Seungkwan gasped and glared at Vernon who could only laugh as Seungkwan gave him a side eye.

They got dressed and went to the kitchen to rummage for food. When they didn't find anything which they didn't need to cook, they just ate the leftover cake from last night.

When they were cleaning up they heard the front door opening.

They came outside to find Jeonghan with his suitcase entering the house.

"Hyung???" Vernon said, clearly baffled.

Jeonghan looked up and the look on his face was terrible. He looked pale, tired and unsure. He stepped ahead and hugged Seungkwan tightly.

"Hyung what happened?? Why are you back so early? Why didn't you tell me you'll be back so soon?? I would've picked you guys up?? Wait where's coups hyung??"

Jeonghan let go of Seungkwan and hugged Vernon. Vernon returned the hug and patted Jeonghan's head.

"I missed you too hyung." he said and kissed his head. Jeonghan kissed him back on his cheek.

"I'll be in my room. I'm tired. Can you guys, like, leave me alone for a while?? Thanks." Jeonghan said and moved towards the stairs.

"But hyung wh-" before Seungkwan could say anymore, the door slammed open once more and in came Seungcheol with rest of the luggage. Jeonghan stopped and moved his head to the side with his back towards door as if anticipating Seungcheol's next move.

Seungcheol looked harried with tear tracks all over his face, his wrinkles being very obvious.

"Ohh hii Kwannie hii Hansol.... Can you guys just...... Just take care of these for me?? I'll..... Uh..... I have to be somewhere. I'll be back soon." He tried to smile slightly but it looked like a grimace and he left the house slamming the door behind him. 

Jeonghan shook his head and went upstairs.

"What just happened??" Seungkwan muttered.

"They fought what else?" Vernon raised a shoulder.

"Wow, Nonie, you're so sharp." Seungkwan glared.

"I'll get something for him to eat." Vernon said.

"I'll go get a shower." Seungkwan said looking at his state.

Their eyes met and Seungkwan could see what Vernon was thinking. Because he was thinking about the same thing. About last night.

Vernon cleared his throat "I uh....kitchen. Food. Jeonghan hyung." He said and stumbled towards kitchen.

Seungkwan nodded and moved towards his room.

When he came back, Vernon had cooked eggs and had freshly squeezed orange juice ready in a tray.

"Good enough??" He asked Seungkwan.

"Pancakes would've been better." Seungkwan said biting his lip.

"I don't know how to cook pancakes."

Seungkwan looked at Vernon and smiled.

"I'll teach you. This will have to do till then." Seungkwan said and pointed Vernon to get the tray.

They went upstairs and knocked on Jeonghan's and Seungcheol's room's ajar door.

Seungkwan heard sniffles and he looked at Vernon whose face mirrored his own concern.

They went inside and saw Jeonghan sitting on his bed, his arms around his knees.

"He proposed." Jeonghan whispered.

"What?" Seungkwan and Vernon said at once.

"He proposed." Jeonghan repeated.

"Ohh My God Congratulations!!!" Hansol screamed.

Jeonghan looked at him with sad eyes.

When realisation hit Seungkwan of what Jeonghan had done, he gasped. 

"You said no." He murmured.

If the room weren't dead silent, no one would've been able to hear him.

"You said no, didn't you? Why Hannie hyung?? Why can't you let yourself be happy??" Seungkwan facepalmed.

"What is going on here??" Vernon said, his eyes bouncing between Seungkwan and Jeonghan.

"Coups hyung proposed, asked him to marry him and Jeonghan hyung said no. He rejected his proposal. Why would you do that??? Don't you love him??? You love him so much. I can see it in your eyes how much you miss him." Seungkwan scowled.

"Stop yelling at me. You think I want this?? You think I wanted to reject him?? I love him so much it hurts but I can't marry him. I can't. We didn't plan on this. I never imagined myself being married. How could he not know this?? In all of our time together never once did I mention marriage. I don't know where he got this idea for marriage. I can't, I can't." Jeonghan finally started crying.

"Hyung... It's fine... Take your time." Vernon set the tray aside and hugged Jeonghan.

"Yoon Jeonghan, you're such coward." Seungkwan said.

"Seungkwan, shut it!" Vernon warned.

"What the fuck is wrong with you Hyung?! Are you even listening to yourself?? You don't know where he got the idea of marriage?? Isn't that what people who love each other do?? What do you want him to do, then?? Stay by your side all your lives without being married?? Are you that commitment phobic?? And if you never said anything about wanting to get married did you ever tell him that you didn't want to get married??

"Stop blaming it on Coups hyung.
It's not his fault he's emotionally functional and you're not.

"Why are you so afraid of commitment?? Marriage won't change anything. You've been living together for almost a year what would marriage change???" Seungkwan was losing his breath now.

"Seungkwan, you don't understand." Jeonghan softly said.

"Then make me understand." His voice softened. "Hyung," he knelt near Jeonghan "hyung please he loves you I get it you might've not wanted this but think about him too. He wants this. Can't you just give him this?? He has never asked anything from you. He loves you unconditionally and does whatever you ask him to do. He's hopelessly in love with you. This is the least you can do for him." Seungkwan said wiping a tear down his cheek.

"Seungkwan, Seungkwan please you don't understand." Jeonghan trembled and Vernon tightened his grip on Jeonghan.

"Hyung please. Please." Seungkwan sobbed.

"I can't goddamnit. It's marriage now. Then he'd want a child. Then he'd want another child. I can't do that. I don't want kids. I can't ruin more lives. Let alone futures." Jeonghan said.

"Why?? What's wrong with that. Isn't that what most people want??" Seungkwan challenged.

"Most people haven't lived a life like I did." Jeonghan raised his chin and gulped.

"Hyung??" Vernon said.

"Always being responsible never doing anything for myself. I don't want that life. And I have you. I don't want to lose you at any cost. You're everything I have Seungkwan. You're the only one I have."

"Stop blaming it on me." Seungkwan said way too slowly.

"I'm not blaming it on you it's the truth. Things change after marriage. Coups would want more attention from me and he says he doesn't mind me spending so much of my free time with you but do you think it'd be fair to him in the long run??"

"Stop it. Stop blaming it on me. I'll tell you the truth. You're just scared. You're scared of the change. You're scared of commitment. You just take and take and take and bleed people dry. That's what you do. You're a coward and a manipulator. And you don't give a fuc-" Jeonghan slapped Seungkwan before he can complete.

"Hyung?!!!!" Vernon dragged him away from Seungkwan.

"Don't talk about stuff you don't know anything about." Jeonghan warned.

"Don't worry. I won't. Not where nobody is listening to me." Seungkwan spat and left the room.

Seungkwan ran towards his room and shut the door behind him. He felt as if ants were crawling all over his body and he started scratching his skin and scalp. He stopped when he drew blood.

He couldn't breathe. His own brother, his only living blood relation, told him in not so many words that he was the reason their relationship was falling apart. Seungkwan was always scared of this. No amount of defence would make the truth go away. He could blame Jeonghan all he wanted but what Jeonghan said was the truth.

Jeonghan spent too much time on Seungkwan that his love life was suffering. Seungkwan was a burden on Jeonghan.

Seungkwan knew Seungcheol loved him but for how long?? How long was he going tolerate the man he loved giving all his attention to someone else.

Seungkwan was a disability. A crutch. He needed to be cut off.

Stop it!! You're not a burden. They love you. They care about you. They won't leave you. And Vernon's there too, now. He'll help you.

That's not the point.... Why do I need help in the first place?? Why am I like this?? Why am I so weak????

Seungkwan wrapped his arms around his knees and rocked himself. He tried to stop thinking but the thoughts kept bumping in his head like a game of pinball.

He covered his ears to stop hearing the voices and closed his eyes.

Sleep. I need to sleep.

He opened his eyes and looked at the bottle of pills. It was going to be his escape for now.

Now that Jeonghan and Seungcheol were back, he'd need to hide the bottle again.

He'd need to remind Vernon to not tell hyungs about it.

Oh shit. Hansol. I need to tell him about the addiction and the overdose.

Seungkwan pressed his warm hands on face and pressed the heels of his palms in his eyes.

Pathetic. I'm pathetic. I'm a worthless pathetic.