"Don't talk about stuff you don't know anything about." Jeonghan warned.

"Don't worry. I won't. Not where nobody is listening to me." Seungkwan spat and left the room.

The door slammed making Jeonghan flinch in Vernon's arms. Vernon dragged him back to bed and wrapped his trembling body in a blanket.

"You know he's right, right?" Vernon said after a few minutes of silence.

Jeonghan nodded and sobbed violently.
"What am I supposed to do, Hansol?? I love Cheol so much, don't get me wrong, but he proposed out of nowhere and that ring was so beautiful but it felt like a shackle to me. I couldn't do it. I told him I can't marry him and....and.....I won't forget his face. He looked so broken, so confused. As if he couldn't comprehend what I was saying. As if he didn't even think that I would say no."

"He didn't."

"What?"

"He didn't think you'd say no. Neither of us thought that." Vernon murmured.

"You....?" Jeonghan frowned.

"I bought that ring. From New York. I knew he was gonna propose. I promise hyung if I even had a inkling of what you were thinking I would've never let him propose. I didn't know. He didn't know. Nobody knew. I'm sorry we failed to understand you. And I'm sure that's what Cheol hyung would be feeling right now.

"You do know he doesn't care if you say no, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"I know he's upset...... But it's because he thinks he failed you. He failed to understand you. I'm sure he's somewhere beating himself up for it. And I'll be very honest. It's not fair to him what you're doing. If you were so clear that you didn't wanna marry, why didn't you tell him? You're a very straightforward person, hyung. You never beat around the bush. So how did this misunderstanding happen?"

"I.... I don't know, Hansol. I don't know. Fuck if I knew."

"I have a theory and I want you to accept it if it's true." Vernon said.

Jeonghan nodded

"You aren't sure. If you were so sure that you don't wanna marry, you'd have made it clear to Cheol hyung a long time ago. But you didn't. Because you want this. You want him. You want marriage. You want a perfect wedding and maybe... possibly in the future, you also want kids."

Jeonghan looked up with eyes full of unshed tears.

"But you're scared. Scared to dream. Scared to leave the comfort of now. Scared of change. Everything else is just an excuse. Cheol hyung doesn't deserve this."

Jeonghan facepalmed. "I screwed up Hansol. I screwed up big time. How am I supposed to make it right? I always screw up. It's always me. Cheol is just so perfect and and I'm just so broken. I don't know what I did in my past life to get him."

"You're doing a piss poor job to keep him though."

"I know I know. I hope he takes me back this time. I hope he gives me a chance." Jeonghan groaned.

"But aren't you the one who rejected him??"

"Don't you think he'd have given up on me till now?? I've given him nothing but pain."

"You're wrong. You're everything he could ever ask for. That's why he proposed to you. He wants to be by your side forever. Don't let yourself think even for a single second that he deserves better. He deserves you. The honest you. The true you. You. Just you. He loves you, hyung. Please don't make him suffer so much. It's a request I'm making as his brother. He loves you and he needs you, it's not the other way around.

"He knows you'll be completely fine without him. But he wouldn't be without you. He needs you more than anything else.

"So stop thinking that he doesn't need you and or you need him way more than he needs you. Both of you deserve each other and need each other. Just talk it out. Don't keep it to yourself. Don't doubt yourself."

"I gotta go find him." Jeonghan stood up but swayed with the sudden movement.

Vernon held him to stop him from falling.

"Hyung....take it easy..... Just go to him later. Take rest now. He'll be fine for another day. I know he can take that."

Jeonghan laid down on the bed and Vernon cuddled with him so that he didn't feel alone.

"You stink of sweat and spit and semen and sex." Jeonghan said scrunching his nose.

"Uhh yeah.... I could use a shower..."

"You fucked my brother, didn't you?" Jeonghan murmured against Vernon's tshirt.

"Hyung.....we....I......"

"Good. He needed it."

Vernon reeled back at Jeonghan's statement.

"Aren't you mad at us? At him??"

"Why would I be??"

"He said that you thinks he's fragile and you never leave him alone. You even sent Seokmin hyung and Joshua to check on him."

"Yes and yes and true. But I did leave him alone here, didn't I?? Also I sent Jisoo to check on both of you." Jeonghan defended.

"You didn't leave him alone, you left him with me."

"I didn't know you were back from New York. So yeah I was ready to leave him alone. Although I do thank the gods that you got back....I was more relaxed knowing you were with him." Jeonghan said, his voice starting to get heavy with incoming sleep.

"Why do treat him as such?? He's a grown man....stop treating him with kid gloves, hyung...."

"I....I have my reasons, Hansol....he's been my baby ever since our parents passed away....I can't see him hurting....even if he's doing it to himself...." Jeonghan trailed off.

"What do you mean he's doing it to himself??"

"Sshhh...let me sleep...." Jeonghan said and Vernon thought he heard a snore.

"I'll call Coups hyung to tell him to come back home."

"He won't pick up your call." Jeonghan said and sleep engulfed him.

"What. Why??" But he got no answer.

Vernon called Seungcheol but as Jeonghan had predicted, he didn't pick up the call. Thinking about this Vernon dozed off.

He woke up alone wrapped in a blanket and wondered how could he sleep so much. Jetlag had really did a number on his sleep schedule.

He went to his room, brushed his teeth and took a shower. He then went downstairs hoping that Jeonghan was in mood to cook because no way would they be able to reason with Seungkwan without real food, not cake, and Vernon was sick of cooking eggs.

He went to the kitchen and the smell of fresh warm food, not eggs, hit his senses.

"Ohhh hyung you're the best!!!" Vernon said and backhugged Jeonghan who smelled and looked fresh out of a shower.

Jeonghan chuckled and gestured Vernon to open the refrigerator.

"Get the juice out and take whatever you want.... I'll go bring Kwannie.... God knows what he's up to the last few hours and I know for sure he didn't go to office.... I know there's a story there amd I'll get it out of both of you..." Jeonghan smirked and went out of the kitchen.

Vernon set his plate and went to sit at the dining table. A few minutes later he heard something falling. He looked up and saw Jeonghan near the chest of drawers with a vase on the floor.

Then he looked at Jeonghan and he goosebumps. He looked pale. Paler than when he had gotten home with Seungcheol and he was standing with the support of the furniture.

"Hyung... What's wrong???"

"Call the ambulance. Right now." Jeonghan gulped.

"But-"

"JUST DO IT HANSOL!!"

Vernon ran upstairs to get his phone and called the ambulance immediately but he didn't know what was wrong so he had to go back to get Jeonghan on the call with the operator.

He heard Jeonghan talking about the sleeping pills and possible overdose to the operator and he felt his heartbeat stop.

This could not be happening right now..... I just got him back.

He went towards Seungkwan's room and from the door he saw Seungkwan sprawled near his study table on the ground, the bottle of those goddamned pills fallen near his bedside table spilling the pills out.

He stepped into the room and went near Seungkwan and crouched. He looked so peaceful but the tear tracks and the blood on his fingers were telling a different story.

He stretched his arm to touch Seungkwan but he saw his own hands trembling and a sob was wretched out of his chest.

He felt arms around him and Jeonghan pressed his face in the crook of his neck from behind.

"Sollie...It will be alright....he's strong, don't worry, the ambulance is nearly here." Jeonghan said and Vernon felt something wet on his neck. And then he heard Jeonghan sniffle.

"Seungkwan.... Wake up right now. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. Just wake up." Jeonghan said while Vernon jerked Seungkwan.

"Kwannie, honey, please wake up...... Please please please...." Jeonghan said and sat near Seungkwan.

"Please Seungkwan.... Why did you do this??? I would never leave you again I promise." Jeonghan said with his shaking voice.

Vernon snatched his phone out of Jeonghan's hands and then called Seungcheol but he didn't pick up. He called him again and again and again but Seungcheol didn't answer. He texted him but to no avail.

Vernon heard the ambulance and opened the door for the medics. He held Jeonghan back while they checked Seungkwan out.

The medics discussed something in between them and decided to transfer Seungkwan to the hospital.

When Jeonghan made to follow them, Vernon stopped him.

"Let them do their job in there hyung.... We'll take the car." Jeonghan nodded.

They followed the ambulance and Seungkwan was admitted to the emergency ward immediately.

Jeonghan and Vernon sat outside silently praying. They couldn't have uttered a single word even if they wanted to.

Finally Vernon gathered the courage to speak up.

"So he overdosed??"

Jeonghan who had been staring blankly at the white hospital wall looked towards Vernon but didn't meet his eyes. He facepalmed.

"Probably."

"And this isn't his first time is it?"

Jeonghan shook his head.

"How long has this been going on? And why didn't you deem me important enough to tell me??"

"Hansol please try to-"

"Don't 'hansol please to try to understand me' hyung. I deserved to know. I'm also a part of this family and I know him and I weren't together but that doesn't mean I don't care for him. I fucking studied psychology. I could've had helped."

"Hansol we didn't want to disturb you. You were having trouble settling there already and we didn't want to stress you more." Jeonghan said.

"Yeah well now I'm stressed. What about now hyung?? Didn't you think it was important to fucking inform before leaving him with me that he's a suicidal case."

"CHWE VERNON HANSOL STOP SHOUTING ON MY BOYFRIEND!" Vernon whipped his head towards the direction the voice came from.

"CHEOL!?!" Jeonghan got up and ran towards Seungcheol.

He literally collided into Seungcheol but Seungcheol was strong enough. He caught Jeonghan and hugged him when he started crying in earnest.

"Shhhh it's fine. Seungkwan will be fine. He's strong kid. Not a pansy like Hansol." Seungcheol winked at Vernon over Jeonghan's shoulder.

"How did it happen again??? I told you we shouldn't go. I told you 2 weeks is long duration. You didn't listen. I told you we can't leave him alone. Cheol why did this happen to my baby???" Jeonghan sobbed.

"I'm sorry Jeonghanah. I should've listened to you more. I should've paid attention to you more. I'm sorry I'm sorry for everything." Seungcheol said caressing his hair.

Vernon cleared his throat.
"What about my questions??"

"Apologize to Hannie first."

"Cheol, its fine, we're all stressed."

"No it's not fine. There will never be a reason good enough for him to curse at you." Seungcheol said and raised an eyebrow at Vernon.

"I'm sorry Hannie hyung." Vernon said and looked at his hands.

"It's fine. I said it's fine." Jeonghan said softly.

"I just.... You two told me nothing about him for almost a year and I came back to a classic case of depression. Why are you even paying for my studies if you don't trust me with being a good therapist??"

"Hansol... Whatever we did, it was for your good. We didn't tell you anything because Seungkwan asked us not to. Also we had already decided against it. You were already homesick and this would've dragged you straight back here.

"You went there for internship. You didn't need drama. And it was under control. We didn't know he would relapse. We didn't know he was still taking those goddamn pills. We didn't know he was skipping his therapy sessions. We didn't know goddamit." Seungcheol let his tears fall.

Vernon stepped towards them and wiped his tears. And hugged them such that Jeonghan was sandwiched between them.

"You didn't pick up my calls." Vernon complained.

"I thought you were just calling me home."

"I was at first..... But then...this happened....." Vernon trailed off but then continued "How did you know we were here?" 

"Jeonghan called me."

"But you weren't picking calls."

"He was picking mine." Vernon felt Jeonghan shrug.

"Okay I'm jealous. Why did you pick his call but not mine?"

"Because I knew why you were calling. But I didn't know why he was calling. Jeonghan never calls unless there's a missed call. He says he's too busy for calls. He just texts. If Jeonghan is calling, that means something happened. That's why I picked up his call."

"When did you call him?" Vernon asked Jeonghan.

"When you were filling forms at the reception desk." Jeonghan hiccuped.

"Excuse me...are you all with...Boo Seungkwan??" They saw a doctor talking to them with a notesboard in his hand.

"Yes." Seungcheol said and wiped his tears off.

"Is he okay??" Jeonghan asked.

"Well...not quite...he didn't overdose, thankfully but the dose he consumed was very heavy...it was too close too being too much... he's really lucky."

"Ohh thank god thank god thank god." Jeonghan said and fell on his knees. Seungcheol went down with him.

"When will he wake up?" Vernon asked.

"In a few hours....also in cases of substance abuse, we are mandated to inform the authorities...and since this isn't his first time, he must have a regular therapist. I'd urge you to contact his therapist as soon as possible...or else we'll have to do the needful." The doctor said pointedly.

"We'll do it. Thank you so much, doctor." Vernon said and shook hands with him.

Damn right I'll make sure to do everything correctly this time. Seungkwan isn't alone now. He has me.

--------------------------------------------

I had a horrible horrible horrible day. I just want it to end. Not even gose and how to lose a guy in 10 days made it better. And the day is still not over!!

I just hope tomorrow would better.
Sobbing right now. Literally.
Life has been shit lately and these updates are the only reason I'm keeping myself going through.