The tenth month came.

We spent most days hanging out at Charlie's apartment where he lives alone with his sister, Alice. We haven't done more than eating and studying, but mostly eating.

Charlie loves cooking; at first we though he was just being welcoming, or that he wanted to get us fat to kill us and eat us, because he almost never ate all of the food he made. He's very thin and pale, which makes his pitch black hair stand out, but, despite his short height and appearance, he's ridiculously strong and knows martial arts. He also plays many instruments and everything he cooks is fucking delicious. To sum it all up, he's the coolest dude that ever existed.

Almost every Friday, after class, we would go to his place and drink beer until we fall asleep. Everything had been peaceful, especially for the fact that Evelyn got a boyfriend.

That cooled her down a lot.

Darcy and I particularly were enjoying this because we were the ones who spent most time with her outside of school and group hangouts. We actually started jogging, to lose weight of course, but mostly to talk about all the annoying shit Evelyn did every day, and to sort of get a break from her. I know how mean that sounds, but let me explain.

She was always on her phone when we hung out, she only paid attention when it was time to talk about herself. She always made little snarky comments that weren't cool and, whenever someone talked, she made them feel like they said the dumbest thing in the world. But that changed when she met Dylan and fell in love with him, it's like she didn't need to be the center of attention anymore. Of course she would annoy us talking about him all the time, but that was good. It actually made me really happy; love in general makes me happy, to see what it does to people.

And, speaking of Evelyn, her birthday was coming. She had a lot of flaws and made mistakes, but she was still my friend. I still loved her most dearly. I wanted her to be the happiest so we went to a bar to celebrate, I even baked her a cake to make her feel special.

We dressed pretty and drank a lot of wine, a lot of wine. The restroom was upstairs so Darcy and I walked holding hands because we literally couldn't see our own feet. She even hit a door with her head and told Oli about it as soon as we returned to the table. He didn't understand why she was laughing about hitting her head but he said "cool" and laughed with her.

Alex and Leela danced together and were stopped by security because, apparently, people weren't allowed to dance inside the establishment. That's the most stupid fucking thing I've heard in my life.

Evelyn and I were so drunk, dancing, that she leant against me too much and I accidentally made her fall to the floor. I thought she was going to kill me, but she actually just laughed and called me a dick.

Luke was sitting far from me and the music was too laud to talk, I noticed him glancing at me and smiling shyly from time to time, I really wanted to sit next to him but everybody was enjoying themselves too much to disturb them. I just smiled back at him and lifted my thumb asking if he was okay; he lifted his in reply.

As it was expected, he left early explaining that he had to tutor some kid in the morning. I was upset because I could almost never talk to him, let alone get close. He was always leaving early and hiding behind the others, he avoided participating much. But, knowing how lonesome and reserved he was, I really appreciated he even went. Before he left I put a piece of the cake I made in his hand, so he could at least try it. He laughed before leaning in for a kiss, he muttered a soft "thank you" and left.

"Dude, you know you're putting your whole ass on my face, right?" said Oliver.

I looked over at him and Darcy was next to him shaking her ass like never, literally on his face. I shook off all my thoughts about Luke and kept dancing and laughing with my friends.

After some time, we left the bar and headed to the beach nearby. It was absolutely freezing, but we didn't want to go home just yet. I was seeing so blurry it made me happy, and all I could think about was how badly I wanted Luke to be there. He was always missing the best parts.

At some point, playing near the water with the girls, I tripped and was saved by Darcy.

"I saved your outfit, you're welcome" she said.

Charlie came over to us to see how we were doing and I just started talking. You know? The drunk talking? You just feel so lightweight you start telling people your business. At least that happens to me, most of the time.

"What's the deal with you, darling?" he asked, walking next t me at my slow pace.

I stopped abruptly, "You know what my deal is?"

"Oh no" Darcy and Leela said at the same time.

I continued, "You know, I like a guy" I said while putting my hand on his shoulder and whispering like I was telling him a major secret. "Yeah, I like a guy that doesn't notice me. He's always leaving, I can't even start a conversation with him" I chuckled.

It was very clear who I was talking about, but still Charlie played along.

"Oh yeah? And how do you know he doesn't notice you? Maybe he's just shy" he retorted.

I burst out laughing, "Do you think I should just go to his house?" he laughed with me.

"Yeah, you go!"

I sighed, "I don't know where he lives" we started to laugh again, including the girls who were hearing everything, as we walked back to the tables where the others were.

The boys were talking about the many times girls had asked them at what time they were born to do their birth chart. It's actually hilarious that every male human has been through that question; they've all encountered an Ava Alessi in the past.

"I never asked Luke when his birthday is" I said, randomly, interrupting the conversation. I grabbed my phone and texted him.

- luke, when its ur bday ?

- january 23

- at what time were u born

- I already had it done.

Everybody was laughing at his blunt answers, even me. I wasn't bothered at all, I mean, the way he is it's what I like the most. I laughed and let him sleep.

Two days had passed since Evelyn's birthday party, we had no plans until we realized we had one more birthday; our classmate that hung out with us sometimes, Sadie Lawson, was turning twenty. We weren't sure if she was going to be in town for her birthday, she usually flies home to her parents on special occasions, so we didn't prepare anything. But she was staying and she expected us to come over to her place.

We quickly snuck out of class to buy food and drinks to spend the night, eventually everything went well. We played card games until we were told by someone in the building to quiet it down, so we went home. So far everything was pretty chill, but the best was yet to come.

On October 23rd, Leela's birthday, shit went down.

It was on a Saturday, so we decided to hang out Friday night and celebrate as soon as the clock hit midnight. We were at Charlie's place, as usual, when I got a text from Darcy. She was downstairs having a massive anxiety attack and wasn't sure whether to come in or not. Leela and I went to talk to her and tried to calm her down. After a few minutes, I went back upstairs because Darcy didn't want the boys to ask what was going on. I left but the girls didn't take long to walk in after me. You could see she wasn't completely okay, but it was Leela's birthday, and she didn't want to miss it for anything in the world.

We drank beer and wine, eventually Darcy started to loosen up. We were all just talking out of our asses, basically.

"What's the weirdest place you've had sex in?" Alex asked.

In between chuckles I said "I don't know" and kept drinking.

Leela added, "I could say the backseat of a car but that normal" she emphasized.

Everyone else agreed, apparently no one had done anything crazy. Except for Luke, who wasn't adding anything.

"What about you, dude?" Alex glanced at him.

"The bathroom at a party, a fifteenth birthday" he answered while grinning.

I don't know what I wanted to hear but I was very drunk and the idea of Luke having sex was mesmerizingly hot.

I just kept staring at him the whole time, unashamed. But he also stared back. We weren't taking our eyes off of each other, so much I wondered is this going to lead to something? Because, boy, I've had two bottles of white wine, I'm up for anything.

At some point I lost track of what the others were talking about, I was too busy mind-fucking the man in front of me.

"Where do you get that? A dragstore?" Oliver asked.

"A dragstore..." I whispered to myself, mocking the way he pronounced 'drugstore'. I thought nobody was listening, until I looked up at Luke and he had his eyes stuck on my face. Seconds later, he bursts out laughing. I never heard him laugh that much before and it was so contagious, I started laughing too.

The others stared at us trying to understand the joke, but we were choking on our words too much. Every time we managed to calm down and breathe, we would look at each other and crackle again. Eventually, everyone else just ignored us.

I was having such a great time, until the inevitable phrase came in. "I have to go", Luke said.

"Are you kidding me?!" Leela yelled at him "Not even on my birthday you're staying?" she complained. He giggled as he muttered a soft "Sorry" to her.

"This asshole is going to see someone, don't you?" Alex joked, making Luke laugh nervously "Let him go, he's going to fuck. Good luck buddy!"

"Yeah, you go, bro!" Oliver added.

Luke kept laughing and blushing, but never denied it, so I assumed it was true. I froze and my smile vanished, I've always been so obvious about what I feel. Every emotion is transmitted directly through my face, there's nothing I can hide. And, at that moment, I felt something hard to explain, but let's say I wanted to break his legs so he couldn't go anywhere.

I was still frozen when he approached me to say goodbye, I didn't move, so he just grabbed the back of my head, pulled me in to his chest and kissed my forehead. I looked at him stunned as he left. How can someone transmit two different things, completely opposite, at the same time?

That's the way Luke has always been. After that night I felt absolutely miserable, having one anxiety attack after the other, I don't even know why. The first one was that same night, in the bathroom, after he left. Am I not worth staying? I thought. I know it's too much, everything I feel it's too much, it seems. I've always hated myself for feeling everything so strongly, for building up stories in my head before even getting to live them, making memories of the smallest details, even emotions. I've always patronized my own heart.

I urged the girls to leave when I couldn't handle it anymore. Leela and I left with Evelyn and her boyfriend, who went to pick her up, but Darcy stayed with the boys. Why? Because she had been talking to one of Dylan's friends and was trying to avoid him. Darcy is not one for love, she has always avoided it; ironically, it always floats her way.

That night, after we left and they stayed drinking for a little longer, they went to get a taxi. It's was freezing at that time and the poor damsel was wearing a crop top. Oliver offered her his jacked several times but she refused every single one of them. At some point Alex left and they were alone. Oliver offered his jacket one more time, but Darcy asked for a hug instead. She had a weird day that day, she probably wasn't concerned about the cold, but she wanted comfort, and he provided. He's much taller than her so he kept her in the warmth of his chest, wrapped in his arms. She was too drunk to even consider who she was with and whether it was appropriate or not, but it was too late when she looked up. They kissed at the bus stop.

That was probably the best kiss she's ever had. I know Oliver seems like a chill guy, but apparently he is not. It was pretty heated, they forgot about the cold immediately and could only curse for not having a place to go to. He never missed his car more. They only stopped once the bus came and he had to go. She then went to grab a cab at the opposite street and went home.

That night was a big "what the fuck happened?" after the other. But, hey, here you can be a lot of things; bored is not one of them.