It was during the last days of September, college was tiring, and we had tons of useless meetings to attend. Actually, they looked more like ted talks than meetings, but anyway.

We were at Evelyn's place before class, drinking coffee and pretending to study. That day was strange.

You see, Evelyn always has been the kind of girl that didn't fit in. She listened to music that not everybody likes, and had a dry sense of humor that doesn't sit well with all people. But one thing about her that she would never admit is that she absolutely loved attention. The group we had, the boys, the meetings at her place; it was all new for her and she loved it, it was starting to show in her behavior.

She wanted to be funny so bad, sometimes she tried too much.

"What's the most stupid way a guy slid in your DMs?" Evelyn asked, laughing with her cup of coffee in hand.

Luke was the only one who wasn't there that day, I don't remember why. But the rest of us were all there.

"I don't remember one specifically" Darcy said. Leela nodded with her head, agreeing.

"Maybe when they try to ask you something stupid by replying to your story?" I added.

The girls chuckled, "Yeah, and it's usually your booty pics they reply to" Evelyn completed my idea.

We were all laughing, even the boys.

"Luke does that all the time" she said while grinning. I just stared at her, stunned "Yeah, the other day I posted a story with a really short dress," she emphasized "and he replied to it saying he liked the books I had. That's so stupid" she started laughing exaggeratedly.

I kept staring at her hoping she would notice what my expression meant. She knew that I liked him and I was trying to approach him, it certainly wasn't nice to hear that he was probably into her or something.

Both Darcy and Leela noticed my face and they smiled at me, trying to provide some comfort. But Evelyn never moved, or stopped talking.

"He's such a virgin" she mocked.

The boys fake laughed, trying to not look bothered but they still couldn't get behind her jokes.

"Poor guy, don't say that. He's not even here" Alex finally said.

"He's not even cute" she completed. Everything about her behavior was awful and gross, and she was doing it all for attention.

It really worried me that they would think we talk like that about them when they're not present, I hated that idea. And I couldn't understand Evelyn's actions, she really wasn't reading the room. She just wanted the spotlight.

The time came for us to go to class and we started walking. I was chatting with Alex on the way, about how I wanted Luke to open up to us more.

"He never wants to hang out and never talks, it really bothers me. I'm going to annoy him until he gives in" I joked. Alex and Charlie were laughing next to me.

"Why do you care so much?" Alex questioned, implying that my interest was beyond friendship.

I laughed and brushed it off, "I'm just curious about his personality"

"Yeah, right" Evelyn jumped in the conversation with a mocking tone.

I gave her a look that said you better shut up.

"What?" Alex inquired.

"She totally has a crush on him" she laughed.

"For real?" Alex glanced at me and noticed how angry I looked. He immediately stopped smiling.

The rage growing inside of me was unbearable. Evelyn had been an ass the whole day, but this? This was too much.

"Hey, don't get mad" she rushed to hug me and I gently pushed her away.

"Don't talk to me."

I walked quietly for the rest of the trip. It was infuriating. Why would she throw me under the bus like that? And in a humiliating way.

She made sure everybody knew Luke was after her just to expose my pathetic crush on him minutes later. What was the point of that? I wasn't mad about the others knowing I liked him; I was a little embarrassed about that, but not mad. What really made me mad was that now I have the role of the ugly friend who's in love with a guy who likes her much better looking friend. Evelyn has blue eyes, light brown hair and is super skinny; I have a big nose, I dye my hair blonde, it's not natural, and I have a belly and thighs. She's everything I'm not.

All I could think about was how ridiculous I looked at that time, thinking I could have Luke when he's used to girls that look more like Evelyn. The role of the ugly friend is one I had my entire life and I was triggered. Whatever confidence I could build over time was kicked down so easily.

During the meeting I couldn't hear a single word, all I could do was think of things I could say to Evelyn. I bet smoke was coming out of my head.

When we headed out, Evelyn and I walked together in silence to the bus stop. None of us said a word, I just wanted to get home. I was thinking about Luke, when we walked into the room I avoided his gaze because I was so angry, he probably thought I had my period or something, and I sat as far as I could from him. I'm pretty sure my drastic mood change made everyone uncomfortable but I didn't really care at that moment.

"I really fucked up, didn't I?" she finally talked.

I chuckled, "yeah, you did."

"I'm really sorry, I'm an idiot" she genuinely sounded ashamed.

I smiled, only with my mouth, "It's okay"

The whole trip was silent, I put my headphones on to avoid having to talk. I arrived home and nobody was there, everyone had gone out for some reason, and, once I closed the door, I broke down crying on the floor. My poor cat Mila was so confused.

It probably sounds ridiculous that I cried so much for something so stupid, but it was actually so much more than that. I felt horrendous. There's no worst sensation than feeling the ugliest person in the world. Maybe I'll never be loved? There's nothing about me someone could possibly like, I thought.

My lungs started failing me and the anxiety creeped in. I was sitting on the floor with my hand on my chest, pathetically attempting to breathe; Mila waved her tail in annoyance. Was it my face? My body? Perhaps, my personality? Something was wrong with me. I tried changing, I tried being myself; nothing worked. I still felt alone.

September flew.

I was walking to college with a friend of mine, Emily Reed, when I twisted my ankle while crossing the street; that's how I started my day. But the good thing is that I became really great friends with Alex in the last few weeks, I felt like I could tell him anything, and I kind of wanted to talk about Luke with him. You know, just to have his point of view.

We decided to go out, just the two of us. We ate pizza and drank beer and he told me about a girl he liked, so I took that as a sign to do the same.

"Remember the other day, when Evelyn said that thing about me with Luke and I got so mad?" I said shyly. Alex nodded. "Well, I got mad because it's true"

"No shit"

My eyes opened even more and he burst out laughing. He pointed out how red I turned and I could only laugh with him. It wasn't uncomfortable at all.

He coughed, took a sip of his beer and got serious.

"What do you like about him?" he asked, like he genuinely wanted to understand.

"I don't know" I started picking at my clothes nervously, trying to find an answer "I guess I don't know much about him."

My friend raised an eyebrow in inquiry, "So, you like that he doesn't notice you?" I chuckled.

"Maybe. But not precisely" I took a sip of my beer "I don't know how to explain it. He's weird"

"He's very weird."

We started talking more about him and Alex shared a little bit of what he is like when they were alone, Luke seems to be more relaxed around him than with the others. He even makes jokes and all. Honestly, I get it; Alex's personality forces you to open up. He moves so fast and recklessly through life, it makes you want to keep up with him, otherwise you'll be left behind. I guess it worked the same for both Luke and I, because I also felt encouraged to tell Alex my stuff and I didn't feel exposed or anxious at any moment. For me, that day was the day he became my brother. For a long time everyone in the group only had that; the group. And for me to bond with someone outside of it was huge.

I always thought the most important part about friendship was being able to be dumb and ugly in front of them, without actually feeling dumb and ugly. That's something I've had with Alex ever since that day. He is the one I can't live without, even now.

That night I returned home thinking how in the matter of a few days I've managed to experience the worst and the best of friendship. I saw the selfishness and the fear of failure in Evelyn's actions when she stepped on me in order to get higher, and then she realized how bad it was. But then, I saw the comfort and the understanding in Alex's actions. How he showed me, after knowing me for so little, that he wasn't one to shine alone. He was the kind of person who wants all his people to shine.

It is really cool, actually comforting, to have someone you can run to when it's ugly out there. I knew from that day that no tragedy in my life could stand a chance against pizza and beer and laughs with my new best friend.

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For E ♥