life was like
a moonless night

E D E N CLENCHED HER FISTS AS SHE SCANNED THE CAFETERIA; she was a shell of the person she used to be. She finally understood how Bella most likely felt when Edward left her- no contact with the one she loved, but instead of waiting for her loved one to return, it was she who was hiding away... like a coward. The guilt and shame followed her everywhere she went, knowing she left her soulmate alone, suffering in physical and emotional pain without her presence somehow made her cold heart ache. But what is done is done, and now she had to suffer with the consequences. Eden felt as though she was the worst soulmate to exist, and she had constantly wondered if it was worth it. Worth leaving Forks to save her cousin who hated her for her freedom, when she could've stayed, stayed with the man who unconditionally loved her in a place where no Cullen's were allowed to cross. Jacob's letters in her drawer was a constant reminder of who she left behind.

Eden sighed and scanned the cafeteria once again, she didn't feel like sitting with the Cullen's and their pity stares. Somehow she had redeemed herself, from what she wasn't sure but they no longer despised her. No, instead they felt pure sorrow for the shell of a 'human being'. She wasn't sure what's worse, them hating her or feeling pity towards her.  However, she wasn't weak for anyone who isn't her soulmate, so Eden straightened her posture as she stood in front of the cafeteria doors and strutted with fake confidence to where Bella, Edward, Alice and their human friends sat. Being near Alice made Eden feel awkward, she had witnessed and comforted her during her breakdowns. She was thankful Alice wouldn't mention them the next day.

"Have you sent your announcements, yet?" Angela asked curiously to the others as Eden walked up to them and sat down at the table with a scowl on her face. Bella immediately straightened and gave a small, nervous smile towards Eden. It's been a while since the two talked. Eden brooding and attempting to distract herself from Jacob decided it was most likely good to not interact with the human as much as she could. Somehow the human reminded her of her wolf, and she knew Bella would try to give her advice that would be the opposite of what Eden wanted to currently hear. She needed a distraction.

The hope for a distraction diminished in seconds once Eden realised they were most likely talking about graduation and collage. She had never experienced what graduating felt like, nor collage, but she was definitely not excited about it. Maybe when she was far younger, right before she was caged and finding herself, maybe but Eden knew there were far better things out there then some stupid human event; such as creating memories with Jacob.

"No," Bella- distracted, answered Angela, her lips were pursed as she sneaked glances towards Eden. "There's no point, really. Renée knows when I'm graduating. Who else is there?" Eden stared blankly at her food as she remembered Renée was Bella's mum. She wondered how having a mum felt like, a mum who loved you. However, Bella's mum was most likely not the best as she had left her to travel around with her boyfriend.

"How about you, Alice?" Angela questioned with a forced smile. It was quite obvious that Angela was freaking out, she was most likely panicking about which collage she should go to or whether she had gotten accepted into the one she mostly hoped to go to. Eden wondered what that felt like, panicking over such mundane things and not over whether Demetri was currently watching you as you sat with your friends, or if Jacob stopped sending the letters because he became tired of you. No longer wanting to deal with Eden's bullshit.

Alice smiled as she took a smile bite from her apple, as if she hadn't spent all night comforting Eden.

"Lucky you." Angela sighed. "My mother has a thousand cousins and she expects me to hand-address one to everybody. I'm going to get carpal tunnel. I can't put it off any longer and I'm just dreading it."

"I'll help you," Bella volunteered with a grin, making Edward smile. "If you don't mind my awful handwriting."

"That's so nice of you. I'll come over any time you want."

"Actually, I'd rather go to your house if that's okay — I'm sick of mine. Charlie un-grounded me last night." Bella grinned as she happily announced her good news, this had slightly uplifted Eden's mood. It was good for the human, she deserved to live as much as her short human life could let her.

"Really?" Angela asked, mild excitement lighting her always-gentle brown eyes. "I thought you said you were in for life."

"I'm more surprised than you are. I was sure I would at least have finished high school before he set me free." Bella grinned, before hesitations glancing at Eden who stared at her blankly before her lips slightly twitched upwards. The human probably thought Eden blamed Bella, or she was upset at her but it was the exact opposite. Eden genuinely enjoyed Bella's company, the human was most likely crazy for keeping up with Edward's brooding presence and she didn't mind that.

"Well, this is great, Bella! We'll have to go out to celebrate." Angela said excitedly.

"You have no idea how good that sounds." Bella replied with a laugh, her eyes twinkling happily whilst Eden was beginning to feel awkward. She wished she was back in her bed, or with Jacob. Their fingers intertwined, and softly gracing each other as they mumbled to each other about whatever was on their minds.

"What should we do?" Alice mused, her face lighting up at the possibilities. Eden knew she was most likely not going to join them, the group would've realised this by now; her never joining them on their outings, used to her lame excuses.

"Whatever you're thinking, Alice, I doubt I'm that free." Bella said, emphasising on that.

"Free is free, right?" Alice insisted with a grin, winking at Bella who laughed.

"I'm sure I still have boundaries — like the continental U.S., for example." Bella joked.

"So what are we doing tonight?" she persisted, trying to shake off the negative thoughts.

"Nothing. Look, let's give it a couple of days to make sure he wasn't joking. It's a school night, anyway."

"We'll celebrate this weekend, then." Alice's enthusiasm was impossible to repress.

"Sure," Bella said, hope lacing her tone. She knew she wasn't going to do anything too outlandish; it would be safer to take it slow with her dad. Give him a chance to appreciate how trustworthy and mature she was before she asked for any favours.

Angela and Alice started talking about options; Ben joined the conversation, setting his comics aside. Eden quickly becoming bored, her attention drifted. She doesn't know who she was anymore, was she ice cold or was she a shell of who she used to be?

Eden wondered if she should visit Jacob; her anger slowly disappearing, however the fear of Demetri watching over her still existed. She wasn't sure if visiting Jacob was a wise idea considering Demetri believes he owns her. Eden wished Edward had protected her one final time before she had met that monster, she wished he had protected her by preventing her from ever meeting him. That would've changed everything, and maybe her and Jacob would be happily together by now.

However, maybe he wasn't lurking in the shadows and she was wasting her time for nothing. Maybe if she visited Jacob just once, soothed their worries everything would be okay and no longer would they both feel the heartache of not being with your soulmate. She knew she shouldn't be controlled by fear, that's what Demetri would've wanted and the last thing she should do is let him win. Eden could feel a headache beginning to form, she was thinking too hard about Jacob and whether Demetri is a mastermind as much as her paranoia panned him out to be. She began to massage her forehead as she decided what she hoped to be a good decision.

Alice's head suddenly jerked towards Eden, who sat right besides her. The vampire looked at her frantically and Eden froze. Those who sat with them at the table hadn't noticed the interaction between them. She knew she just had a vision that wasn't clear due to Jacob being a shifter.

Alice squeezed Eden's hand who was internally panicking. The were-coyote hoped that she made the right decision.

——-

It's 2018!!! Gosh can't believe I've been stuck on this book for nearly a year now, wow. (Edit, I think I've been writing this book since mid 2016 ??? extra wow)

(update: 2021 ya'll, i'm screaming)

Also I may start writing a new twilight book but since I got the idea from a plot shop, I just need the idea creator- author person ????? To give me the heads up, right now I'm just telling them my ideas and they are telling me stuff to add in the book :)

Hope you guys had a wonderful 2017, I know my one was definitely boring, it wasn't the worst year me but at the same time it wasn't the best, all I know is that I've definitely grown up aha.
Also I'll be updating in a week xxxx

Question of the day:
Favourite ship?