Everyday of the week it rained. Not the nice rain that makes you want to sing your heart out and dance around outside while the rain hits you, but the rain that smells and dulls your mood. Draco decided that working on the cabinet at night was our best chance of getting it done, no distractions. Every now and again we would skip classes to sleep or work harder on the cabinet, so far the only thing the cabinet has done has made Draco's eye bags even worse. Today was one of those days where getting out a bed was a struggle, lifting a limb hurt and everything felt grey. Keeping a diary was something I did regularly, my mother once told me keeping a diary could help one day look back on the things we made it through.

September 3rd - second day working on the cabinet.

Dear diary,

Nothing worked. Nothing we do helps fix the stupid cabinet worked. Pansy started asking questions today, asking were I had been when I sleep. I told her I normally fall asleep on the sofa and don't wake up till morning. She believed in the lie. Lies are the only things I say nowadays, you would think a hybrid would find lying normal but for me no.

Draco has been stressing none stop about the cabinet, he tried some spells on it hoping it would work but it either made it worse or did absolutely nothing. Both of us feel like giving up on the cabinet only on the second day.

- Lilith.

September 10th - ninth day working on the cabinet.

Dear diary,

As the days past, I realised I felt different, and it wasn't just me too. Draco.

- Lilith

September 17th - 16 days working on the cabinet.

Dear diary,

I remember when I was young I was told to never fear, fear itself. Today I failed that quote.

The cabinet had gotten fixed slightly but nothing noticeable changed. My sleep schedule was messed up, there was days I would go without sleep and some days I would sleep all day. My grades in school have dropped, I'm now failing more then half my classes. Not like they will be useful anyways.

You-know-who planned a meeting on the 13rd of November, Draco and I both pray that he isn't expecting the cabinet to be done. I am full of fear and I know everything is just going to get a lot worse.

- Lilith.

September 24th - 23 days working on the cabinet.

Dear diary,

Like my Aunt always said 'when someone ask, how are you? they really don't want an answer."

Days are longer, nights are shorter. Only thing keeping my humanity on right now is Draco.

- Lilith.

November 1st

I gave up writing in my diary, it was dangerous. Many times Pansy would grab it off the edge of my bed and pretend to read through the pages, even though it was obvious she was just skimming her eyes across the lines not bothering to even look at the words. Early this morning Draco and I managed to piece together a few parts if the cabinet, nothing to be too proud of as it didn't look much different.

My humanity is thin.

Draco keeps me feeling alive. As much alive then a vampire can be.

I feel like the world is bleak and nothing out there was worth living for, having an eternity of life time ahead of you don't seem as great as you think.

Classes ended for the day, I only showed up for potions and transfiguration. Draco didn't show up to any he says 'they're a waste of our time when we have bigger things to worry about then stupid, pointless tests.' On some levels I agreed with him.

While walking out of transfiguration Luna stopped me and pulled me to the side, as always a big smile was spread across her face.

She pushed her blonde straggly hair away from her face and opened her mouth to speak. "Where have you been?" She asked with worrisome.

"What?"

"You're never in classes anymore." She tilted her head to the left, looking deep into my eyes for answers. "Is it the hybrid thing?" Luna whispered, stepping closer towards me.

"No." I responded with a blank face.

"Oh... well you can alway talk to me."

Luna rubbed my arm in support as her smile never faded. I admired that about her. Even in the darkest times she will always find one way to uplift the spirt.

"Ye, I know." I lied.

"I heard what harry said... about Draco." Luna mumbled as my eyes widened. "I don't think he is a... d- death- death eater."

A fake smile spread across my lips as I nod slowly.

"I have to go, I'm so sorry we could not speak long. I promised Ginny I would help her study." Luna eyes went dull as she looked at me. "Lilith... there're brighter days ahead... remember that."

I nodded as she turned away, skipping down the corridor. Luna was right. There're better days ahead, for everyone. Just not for me.

Humanity for a human is difficult. For a vampire its worse, emotions are stronger because everything is enhanced. Over the years I thought I mastered how to keep control of my humanity, I thought it was easy to keep the switch turned on. But that was before the stress and guilt building up from the task.

I push off the floor and starter pacing out the corridor, passing Luna and Ginny and up towards the astronomy tower. I felt safe there. As I got closer towards the tower, my legs started to walk faster. Bumping through first years that got in my way, I didn't care like I did a few months ago.

The cold spiral stairs of the astronomy tower, led on for a while, each turn I take the more I felt the world go darker. The fresh air hit me as I walked across the tower. I thought to myself: this is where me and Draco had our first kiss, our first date and the first time we spoke properly.

I look up to the sky, the grey clouds waiting to burst of rain above my head. I took a deep breath as a tear rolled down my check, I felt as though completing the task for the dark lord was not to make him believe in me, but instead for my own father to believe in me. Having your father be Klaus Mikealson comes with a lot of grudges. People already think they know you before they already met you. They expect me to be like my father.

I place my hands onto the cold railings as I stare out over Hogwarts, there was nothing I wanted more then the guilt and stress to be gone. The world was cold and full of mistakes to be made. My grip gets tighter on the rail as I close my eyes slowly, I take a deep breath in and then out. As I reopen my eyes the guilt and stress was gone.

A/N - Daily reminder that you are worthy and not alone, I love you.