It's been four days since Ashton found out about my parents.

It's been four days since he's talked to me. The fact that he isn't talking to Sage either should make me feel better. It doesn't.

Yesterday, Ella finally forced me out of his sweatshirt and into the shower. I didn't say anything as she brushed my hair and handed me new clothes. She tried to talk, telling me about Stella punching Avery for revenge. Reminding me that Ashton just needed time and that it'll pass.

I didn't answer her and she stopped talking. I use my ankle as an excuse to not do anything, knowing the rest is good for me but I still feel guilty. I tried to go downstairs for lunch and the twins forced me back into bed.

I wasn't really hungry to begin with.

It's seven o'clock now and Sage comes into my room. He looks nice in jeans and a shiny silver button up shirt. "You're sure you're ok if I go to this party?"

I forgot, it's New Year's Eve. Ashton and I were supposed to go to Gabes party.

"I'm positive." I tell him, smiling softly. Sage eyes me worriedly so I continue, "Go and have fun. I've got plenty to do here." I shake my now full sketch pad for emphasis.

He gives me a peck on the cheek.

"Just remember. No drugs. No alcohol. No stupid decisions. And if anyone has a sip to drink you drive. Understand?"

He nods stiffly, knowing how big of a deal this is for me to let him go. This is his first party by himself. He whistles, headed for the door. "Hey, Sage?"

"Yeah?"

For a moment I feel stupid for even wondering but I have to ask. "Do you know if Ashton's going to be there?"

The pity on my brothers face is enough for me to regret asking. "I don't know, Scar, probably not."

I say nothing as he heads out to Ella's car. The thing that stings the most is that Sage was right. I'm lost without Ashton.

A knock sounds at my door before Uncle John sits on my bed. "How you doin, Bean?" I forgot he was here. I notice he's in a button up and slacks, no doubt about to go to a party.

"Is he still ignoring your calls?" He prompts, for once not calling him a punk.

I pick at my thumb, "I stopped calling."

I called him for an hour straight, then I called him the next day. I got the message once they started going straight to voicemail.

Uncle John pats my hand, "Don't worry about him, things will work out for the best."

I scoff, nothing ever works out for me. I always manage to mess things up in the end. He leaves a few minutes later, understanding I'm not in the mood to say much else.

*****

I draw for a couple hours, eventually having to go to the bathroom. I debate calling one of the twins up to help me move downstairs but I remember Sams over. They deserve to have fun.

I struggle up and into the bathroom, my limbs stiff from sitting in bed for so long. I study myself in the mirror, shocked by how terrible I look. Purple and red stain my skin that's stretched thin over my puffy face. Now I understand why Stella left right after she saw me this afternoon, I'd leave too.

All I want to do is crawl into bed but on my walk back one of my crutches slip on something and I land on the floor with a thud. After a wave of pain passes I pick up what I slipped on. It's the book Ella made for Christmas, I study the black cover remembering how I threw it this morning after she left. This time I open it.

Scarlett Rain
Never be afraid to let love in

I roll my eyes at the cheesy quote. Each month has a title page and then a list of all the monumental things that happened. In January is the hockey game we went to and the week long snow break we had from school. May is Saffrons kindergarten graduation and the twins winning academic awards. The summer months full of hiking and adventures. Then the first day of school and our first football game of the year. I stop when I get to November. On the list of monumental moments the first one is Scarlett meets Ashton.

I begin to close the book but curiosity gets the best of me. I flip to the next page and the picture is of me and Ashton in the hallway on his first day when he walked me to class after lunch.

The picture was obviously taken on her phone but it was perfect. I flip through the rest, anticipating the moment I decide to put the book down but it never comes.

It's packed with photos, Ashton in almost all of them. What shocks me the most is the smile I have on my face. It seems realer. Not that I wasn't happy before but if you go back and see a picture from January I look different. A light in my eyes that wasn't there before.

I don't have to wonder what that change was because I already know, it was Ashton.

I jump up and hurry into my bathroom, I have an apology to make.

Thirty minutes later I'm changed into jeans and Ashton's sweatshirt. I kiss Saffron goodbye and holler down to the boys before going out to the car. I can totally drive with my left foot. Right?

Turns out, I'm terrible at driving with my non dominant foot, taking me twenty minutes to reach his house. I struggle up the ice coated stairs and knock on the door.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed when Abuela answers the door, ushering me inside with wide eyes. "Come in, child, come in."

I scan the house, looking for a sign that he was here. "Is Ashton home?"

Her face pinches. "No, he left almost two hours ago."

So he must've gone to the party after all. I suddenly feel completely embarrassed. "Oh, then I'll just be going."

How could I be so stupid to assume he would be here on New Year's Eve? Everybody goes out tonight, just because I'm home alone moping doesn't mean he has to be.

I reach for the door as Liz runs downstairs, "Scarlett, wait!"

I stop. She's covered in water with a clump of bubbles in her hair, I guess it's Ronnie's bath time, completely out of breath by the time she reaches me. "Let's have a talk."

I gulp, this can't be good. Silently, I follow her into the kitchen where she hands me a mug of a hot liquid. I open my mouth to protest, coffee is the last thing I need right now.

"It's cocoa. Ashton mentioned that while you love coffee it makes you anxious." She assures me.

I take the mug and follow her into the living room, sitting on the couch. I feel weird being with her. Liz should be mad at me for lying. She shouldn't be offering me cocoa and making sure I have enough pillows underneath my leg.

"How are you?" She asks tentatively, taking a sip from her own mug.

I stare at her like she's crazy. Does she not know that Ashton currently isn't talking to me? That he may never acknowledge my existence again.

I set my mug down, "Aren't you mad at me?" It seems completely rude and straightforward but I want to skip the fake pleasantries.

She smiles softly, "Scarlett, I've known for quite some time. I know what anniversary just passed and what happened between you and my son. I think both of us would've liked for him to find out differently but what's done is done."

My jaw falls to the floor. How could she have never said anything to me? She reaches over and takes my hand. "So tell me, how are you?"

I shrug, "I feel stupid. All I've done the past four days is cry and cry some more. I actually handled my parents day really well. We laughed a lot."

She squeezes my hand, "That's nice dear." It was.

Why is she so nice? Anyone else would've said something rude by now, that's what I deserve. I start to tear up. "I didn't mean to keep it from Ashton but I could never find the right time, you know?"

She shakes her head knowingly.

"Everyone told me to tell him but I didn't listen. I was selfish because I liked just being Scarlett with him. I wasn't the girl with dead parents or the girl raising her siblings. He didn't know that Avery convinced the entire grade that my sadness was contagious after I went back to school and that almost everybody stopped talking to me. I was just me. And even when we first met, I was so mean to him just because that was what I expected from others but he loved it. Every time I expected him to go away he kept coming back."

I feel completely pathetic crying while Liz cradles me in her arms but I don't move. "You must hate me." I say in between sobs.

She shushes me, "No one hates you, Scarlett, I don't even think Ashton could hate you if he tried."

I give her an are you kidding me look, she flattens my hair. "He has a history with liars so when he initially found out you hid the truth he freaked but that doesn't mean he hates you."

We stay there for a while, just the two of us as a question burns in the back of my mind. I pull myself away from her.

"How did you know?"

She pulls at her hair, "Saffron told me the first time she spent the night. She had a nightmare and I comforted her. She told me everything. Thanksgiving only confirmed it."

And she just believed a seven year old, maybe she really is crazy.

"Why didn't you tell him?" I ask, completely dumbstruck.

She picks up her mug and takes a drink, "It wasn't my place."

"Thank you." I whisper.

Before Liz can say anything else Ronnie comes barreling into the room with wet hair. "Scarlett! I've missed you so much." She tells me, jumping into my lap.

I laugh and tickle her tummy, "Is that so?"

She nods her head furiously, "Mhm-hmm so has Ashy. All he does is stare at the painting you made. Or a picture of you. It's really boring." Part of me is happy to know that Ashton missed me although I feel Ronnie exaggerating a little bit.

Mark stands in the entryway in a wet shirt. "Sorry, I couldn't keep her upstairs."

I dry my eyes, "Don't worry, I'm about to head out." No point staying here.

I try to remove Ronnie but she's locked onto my neck. I try again to no avail. "Can I come with you? I want to see Saffy."

I look to her parents to see how to react but they're sharing a look. I'm about to break the news to the kid when Liz stands up. "I don't mind as long as Scarlett's ok with it."

I stare at her, honestly, I thought she would never let Ronnie come over again. They all look at me waiting for an answer.

"Sure, I'll bring her back tomorrow."

*****

At 11, I'm sitting in the tv room braiding Ronnie's hair while Saffron wrestles the boys. The Rocking New Year's countdown playing, none of us really watching.

I changed out of my jeans and into nike pro's so I could be more comfortable. An empty tub of rocky road on the table. Happy New Years to me.

I'm stuck in self pity when I hear hollering and slamming doors. Panicked, I pick up my crutches and head to the front door, the boys trailing behind me. Is someone trying to break in? No, Scarlett, why would they scream. I pear out the window to find Ella's car parked out front.

"Holy shit" Silver mutters before opening the door. Sage stumbles inside carrying a giggling Ella, car keys in hand.

Holy shit indeed. She's drunk.

James staggers in a few seconds later with Stella, who's trying her best to wiggle out of his arms. At first glance, I assume he's sober but his talking gives him away. He can't string together a coherent sentence to save his life.

"Take them to the kitchen." I order. "Sterling, take the girls up to Saffrons room. Boys go get Gatorades from the garage and the bagels, it's time to sober them up." Or atleast try too.

Sage sets Ella down on the couch but she falls to the floor in a laughing fit. Ouch, that's definitely gonna hurt in the morning.

"Oh, no, there's one more." Sage says, pointing towards the door.

I raise an eyebrow at him, who else could possibly be... oh, no. No. No. No. No. No.

Sage walks back out, I can hear him grunting as he lugs a very drunk Ashton into our house.

"Scarlettttttttt!" He slurs, his gray eyes bloodshot.

Oh my God. How much alcohol was at this party?

Sage places him on the couch and puts Ella back in her spot. He walks over to me with a bewildered look in his eyes. I snatch his face and pull it down to mine. His eyes are crystal clear and his breath smells clean.

"I didn't do anything. Someone had to watch over all these jackasses."

Great. I get to spend my night taking care of a bunch of irresponsible losers. I study the poor group taking up my living room, there's no way I can handle all this.

"Did you really have to bring them all here? Saffron and Ronnie are upstairs." I hiss, popping his head.

Sage grunts. "What did you want me to do? If I took Stella home Kim would kill her and then me. If I brought Ella home I would never be allowed to show my face again. James would probably be sent off to boarding school. And I don't think dropping Ashton off would do me any favors since he's been crying over you for the past 30 minutes."

I hate to admit it but he's right, tucking away the information about Ashton for later. My current priority is making sure no one gets sick. Ten bagels and a bunch of Gatorade later everyone seems at least somewhat better.

Sage is trying to keep the knives away from Stella as Sam videos her. I snatch his phone away.

"Hey!" He protests, reaching for his phone. "I need that."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah and if your mother finds it blackmail will be the least of our worries." I send the video to myself before deleting it. He may not need it but I sure could use it.

"So where are we gonna put everybody?" Sterling asks, eyeing the ragtag group.

Honestly, I have no idea.

"Sage can take Ella to his room." She cheers at this, getting so excited she falls out of her chair. Sage picks her back up, shoving away Silver who records the entire thing.

"Stella and James can take one of the twins rooms." I decide.

"Not mine! I don't want to sleep on sex sheets." Silver protests.

I eye James who's beginning to sober up and get sleepy. Stella only has about an hour of fierceness left in her before she crashes. Unlike Ella, who could continue on like this for hours, Stella shuts down quickly.

"Fine, then the three of you can sleep in your room."

I focus on Ashton who hasn't said a word, watching me intensely. "I guess Ashton's with me."

I change Ella and Stella into old clothes. I deserve an award for the best friend ever because I force Stella out of her dress while dodging sucker punches.

She's lucky I didn't punch her.

Sage changes the guys and I collect all the clothes, starting a load of laundry. I wash it on sanitary to make sure I get all of the smells out. I'm not going through all this just for someone to get caught over a beer soaked shirt.

I tuck a very confused Ronnie and Saffron into bed, reassuring them everything was fine but Saffron knows better.

Once all drunk people have gotten their teeth brushed and makeup removed I say goodnight to the boys and hobble upstairs. To find Ashton waiting on my bed, holding onto a pillow.

I rub my temples, I'm so not ready to deal with this. I knew we would have a conversation but I imagined both of us would be sober. I go about my night routine, trying my best to act like he's not there. I take my contacts out before crawling onto one side of the bed. Far away from him.

"I'm sorry." Ashton says. And while I know he's drunker than a skunk he sounds sober.

"Me too." I whisper, hoping to end the conversation but he doesn't stop.

He rolls over so he's next to me. "I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have acted that way." His eyes are so red from crying.

"Get some sleep, Ash, we can talk about this in the morning." I assure him, reaching over to turn my lamp off.

He grabs my hand. "I was so sad without talking to you. So Very. Very. Very sad. You're my favorite person in the entire world." He reaches up and cups my face, his thumb brushing against my cheek. "You're my person."

I'm stunned into silence by his confession.

so shocked I almost miss his mumbled after thought, "You're my light."

I push his hair back from his eyes, his rambling bringing a smile to my face even though I have no idea how to respond. "Thank you."

"Why would you thank me?" He wonders and for a minute I can't decide if he's talking to me or himself. "I was an asshole to you and you... you didn't deserve that."

I sigh, "I shouldn't have lied to you."

He waves his hands in the air, "Nonsense, that changes nothing for me. You are more important than a lie."

I can tell he's starting to get worked up so I pull his head into my lap, running my fingers through his hair to calm him. He doesn't say anything for a while and I think he's asleep when he opens his eyes.

"You're wearing my sweatshirt."

He doesn't mean it as a question but I answer him anyways. "Yeah, I am."

I study his face as fireworks explode outside, the dusted purple underneath his eyes, while a permanent stain on my face, looks so foreign on his skin. I smile a little at his facial hair, how it makes him look so much older.

"Happy New Year, Ashton." I whisper, placing a kiss on his forehead.

*****

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