"Charity?" I tried to keep my eyes open long enough to see her. "What's wrong?" She was just standing there. Staring at me with these huge eyes, all of the blood gone from her face. It reminded me of Sammy when she used to have nightmares. Don't start that shit again. I closed my eyes and started to drift back out.
Charity just started sobbing out of nowhere, and put her head on my chest. "They shot you, Kenney!"
"Who?"
"Rico!"
"Oh, yeah..." I tried to move her off of me as the memory started floating back in and blended itself with the present. I didn't feel like dealing with her emotions right then. "Where's Jazz?"
"What?"
"Jasmine, gul." Was she trippin? I know I was talking out loud. "Where mama?"
"Kenney...you know she can't deal..."
I closed my eyes and started to drift back out again. "Get Wallace."
Charity paused for a minute, probably not expecting me to ask for him of all people, and then walked out into the hallway to get him. A few seconds later, Wallace walked in the room with Charity close behind.
"Charity..." It hurt to talk. "Get out." She gave me the stink eye. "This man business."
She was surprisingly cooperative and nodded once before leaving the room. Wallace pulled up a chair and sat down next to the bed.
"What're you doing here?" I was testing him.
"You know your mama..." his voice trailed off. "So I been comin' up here wit' Charity instead. She didn't need to be up here alone. In case...anyone showed up." He eyed me. "You been out for a while, son."
I closed my eyes. Wallace had us. So I knew it was safe to ask my next question.
"Wallace...get Jazz."
"Where she at?"
"I don't know." I opened one eye and then the other and looked at him. "Find my aunt and take her home with you. Don't give her to Rico."
Wallace nodded. He already knew what was up. He was just like daddy. Rico didn't scare him. Nobody did. That's why I knew it was a safe thing to ask.
"Take care of her until I get out. Then I got her."
Wallace nodded again and stood up. "Aight."
When he left the room, Charity came back in. She walked over to the chair that Wallace had been sitting in, dropped her purse on it and started digging through it. I watched her for a minute, then laid my head back onto the starchy pillows and drifted back to sleep.
When I opened my eyes again, Charity was dripping oil on my head.
"The fuck?" I swatted her hand out of my face.
Charity paused for a second, and then kept dripping the oil like she didn't even hear me. Then she started dipping her finger in it and putting it on the walls.
"Hell you doin' Charity?"
"You have demons." She was dead serious. "We have to get them out of here."
"What..." I was too weak to argue with her. Plus, she was probably right.
"They were attacking you. In your sleep. They were holding you down and you kept trying to get up. You were talking to them, and fighting with them."
"Word?" I closed my eyes again. I wasn't in the mood for this shit.
"Kenney...the doctors said you might..." Her voice trailed off. "They...they said you can't walk..."
I nodded and didn't open my eyes. I remembered that conversation. I wasn't in the mood for that shit, either.
Charity walked over to the bed and held my hand. Then she prayed over me. For a real long time. When she was done, we both lifted our heads and looked at each other.
"Amen," I echoed her soft voice, touched her face and smiled at her. "I love you." My voice was scratchy and hoarse. It still hurt to talk, but the more words I said, the easier it got.
She smiled back. "I love you, too, little brother. So much it hurts." She leaned over and kissed my forehead, then sat back down in the chair and watched me drift back off to sleep.
Maybe it was because I was looking into my sister's eyes when I drifted off, but I had the craziest dream about Sammy. It started like the same dream that I always had about the girl. The one who I had been dreaming about since I was little. I hadn't dreamt about her in a while. This time, Sammy was standing there talking to her.
"Sammy!" She didn't answer. I was standing next to a stone bench with that sparkling water at my back. "Samantha, I know you hear me, gul!" I laughed a little, like I always did in this dream. I couldn't go to her, so she came to me. "Sammy..." It was weird. She was smaller than me now, and I was big. She looked exactly like she did the last time I saw her. Before the accident. I tried to bend over and hug her, but I couldn't. She helped me sit down on the bench. "They said I can't walk, Sammy."
"I know." She held my hand. It felt weird being so much bigger than her. The last time we saw each other, I must have been so small. I never realized how small I was back then, until I saw how small she was.
"They said I might never walk again."
"You will, little brother. You'll walk again." It sounded funny to me, to have this twelve year old girl calling me little brother. "But you have to change your ways, Kenney. You have to."
"I know."
She wrapped her arms around me and looked directly into my eyes. "You can do it." I nodded obediently. I always did whatever Sammy told me to do. Every time. "Help Aunt Jazz."
"Ok." I nodded again. She still had her arms around my neck, she was still looking dead into my eyes. "Get her clean." I wondered how she knew about that. Aunt Jazz was clean the last time Sammy saw her. "Keep her alive, Kenney. Keep her alive."
"Ok." I would do it. She knew I would.
"God will send you people to love you and keep you safe, to help you get through it. You're both safe now. Rico can't hurt you anymore, Kenney, and neither can anybody else." She ran her fingers across my forehead like Charity had done with the oil. "Angels are always around you. Don't ever forget that. We run with angels, little brother. All of us."
I teared up. My heart felt so heavy.
"Sammy...I don't think angels run with me anymore. I've done...too much. God is paying me back now." I lowered my eyes from hers. "I've done so much dirt, Sammy. You would...you wouldn't love me if you knew me now. God doesn't love me anymore."
Sammy wrapped her arms tighter around my neck and looked deeper into my eyes. "God will forgive you, Kenney. God loves us, just like God loves everyone else. I love you so much, too, little brother. Never forget that. I'll save you a place."
"You will?" I looked at her and felt very much like the little brother that I used to be. I was a completely different person back then.
My heart was wide open back then. Now it was cold and hard, like ice.
"Yeah, Kenney. Of course. Angels are running with you, little brother." She stood up. "Don't tell mama you talked to me."
"I know."
"Tell Charity."
"Ok."
"Tell her."
"You know I will."
"I miss you, Kenney."
"I miss you, too." My heart got even heavier. I wanted to go with her.
"But I'm always around. I hear you. Every time you talk to me. I hear you."
"I know you do."
"Bye Kenney."
"Bye Sammy."
And as I watched her walk away, the sun came out and shined all over the place. Just like it always did in that dream, and then she disappeared.