"Sammy, it's my birthday," I whispered and tapped her forehead like she always did me. "Sammy...wake up." I tapped her forehead again. "Sammy, wake up. It's my birthday."

            It was my birthday, but nobody remembered. I thought maybe Sammy would, because she always did, and I snuck out of school to see her. I know mama told me not to, but I thought maybe this would be the day that she woke up...if I told her that it was my birthday.

            "Sammy..." I was trying not to panic because all of a sudden I realized what a "coma" was. "Sammy..."

            Grief hit me so hard it almost folded me in half. I had to grab on to her bedrail just to keep standing.

            "Sammy..." tears were falling now, and I was crying. Loud. I couldn't stop.

            Everything went black and all I felt was darkness. I wanted to crawl into the bed with her, crowd her out of her own hospital bed like she always did me.

            I wanted to sleep, too.

            I wanted to be in a coma, too.

            I never wanted to wake up.

            I cried louder.

            And louder.

            And louder.

            I was trying to cry until I died.

            "Nephew."

            I heard her, but I didn't stop crying. I didn't care if she saw me acting like a baby instead of a man. I wanted Sammy, and I wanted to go, too. I wanted to die, too, just like daddy.

            "Nephew," she said again, and I heard the door close. Then her arms were around me, but I couldn't see anything. Everything was still black. "It's ok, sha. Come back to me, son." She held me tighter.

            My legs stopped working and I sank down onto the cold, hard hospital floor. Aunt Jazz sank down with me. She wouldn't let me go.

            "Come back to me, sha. Come back to me," she kept saying it. Over and over again. Like she knew I was trying to die, but she wasn't ready for me to go. "It's ok, sha. Come back to me."

            I think I fell asleep.

            I'm not sure for how long, but when I came back, I was still on the floor and Aunt Jazz still had her arms around me. I looked at her arm. There was a bruise that looked like fingerprints. I looked up at her face.

            Another bruise.

            She didn't have time to cover her bruises up before she came to get me. She looked down at me, and her eyes were red. She had been crying, too.

            "Sammy..." I started crying again. Aunt Jazz did, too.

            When we were done, she pulled away and looked at me.

            "You alright now?"

            I nodded and got up onto my knees in front of her. I was about to stand up, but then I folded back over and tears started falling again. She wiped them away, but she didn't look mad that I was crying. She just waited for me to stop. When I was finished, she looked at me for a real long time. I guess she was waiting for me to cry again, but I was done.

            "Kenney, your mama called me." She looked into my eyes. "The nurse called her, and told her you were here again." I looked down. I knew I was in trouble. "Why are you here, son? Your mama told you that you have to go to school. That means every day." I kept looking down. "Kenney," Aunt Jazz made me look at her. "Why are you here?"

            I stared into Aunt Jazz's eyes, wondering why she hadn't figured it out yet. She always knew why I was doing what I was doing.

            "I thought Sammy was gonna wake up for my birthday."

            Jazz's chest caved in, like I had just punched her in it. But her face didn't change. She looked like she was made of stone.

            "Kenney, your mama can't take this. You have to do what she says." Her grey eyes pierced into mine and they told me that I better damn sure be where I was supposed to be, at the time that I was supposed to be there. From then on. Then they softened. "Happy birthday, my favorite nephew."

            I stared at her, she stared at me.

            Her face still didn't give.

            "Sammy's not coming back, sha. She's not."

Jazz watched me, waiting for my reaction. I didn't have one.

The blackness was taking over again. Jazz started pulling me back. I could feel the blackness and Aunt Jazz fighting over me, but the blackness was winning.

Because I wanted it to.           

            "But you have to stay with us, son. We need you." Aunt Jazz looked into my eyes and searched for what I needed to hear. "We need you to be a man for us, Kenney. I can't take care of your mama and Charity. You have to do it."

            I put my hands on Aunt Jazz's face, careful not to touch her bruise. Her eyes turned red again.

            "Your mama and Charity need you, Kenney. Your daddy told you that you have to take care of them, and that's what they need you to do."

            I nodded and kept my eyes on hers. She was pushing the darkness away. She was bringing me back to life, even as I felt Sammy's life slipping further away behind me.

            "You have to be a man now, and take care of your family. Kenney, me and Rico will help you get money. But you have to go to school, too. You hear me?" I nodded. "Don't let me catch you here again when you're supposed to be at school."

            I looked down and nodded again. She wasn't playing with me and I knew it.

            "What's the plan, son?"

            I looked into her eyes. "Take care of my family."

            "How?"

            "You and Rico will help me get money."

            She nodded. "What else?"

            "Go to school."

            Jazz continued to nod, eyeing me like I better not fuck this up again.

"Kenney..."

            She stared into my eyes for a long time, and I knew that she was about to say something that I didn't want to hear.

            "We have to say goodbye to Sammy now, sha." I shook my head no. Jazz shook her head yes. "We have to. And we can take as long as we want."

            I started crying again, and she waited for me to finish. Then we both stood up and I went over to my sister. I said goodbye to Sammy that day, because I knew it was time.

            And I took all day doing it.

HEY Moonbeams! How do you feel about Jazz right now?