** MATURE CONTENT AHEAD **
The next day I was standing on the corner with Rah, monitoring the new crew, when Chauncey's dumb ass walked up on us real fast, dapping Rah up. Rah, who usually only guarded the house, had just posted up to stand in for Remmey, to free Remmey up to help Rico take care of some things. After Rah, Chauncey went in to dap me up. I just stared at him. A. He knew I didn't like ma' suckas walking up on me fast like that. B. He knew I didn't like his ass.
I never had.
"Heard you fucked Tiana." Chauncey came fly out his reckless mouth as usual, and grinned at Rah, like they were in on some secret game. Then Chauncey grinned at me, but in a different way. Like I wasn't in on it. I didn't even acknowledge him. He turned back to Rah. "It was just like I said right?"
I kept my eyes on the transaction happening across the street, but I still saw Rah give Chauncey a look, and then try not to smile, as he also put his eyes back on the five youngins that were crowded around a clean black Nissan Maxima.
Chauncey, not to be ignored, kept running his reckless mouth. "Shit...I don't know what the hell you waited so long fo' potna." I could tell he was looking at me, and not Rah, when he said "Damn she good. I might fuck tonight."
I did turn to look at him them. At thirteen, I was already eye to eye with Chauncey and an inch taller than Rah. I stared Chauncey dead in his eye until he backed down first. I couldn't wait to get my weight up. Chauncey was getting stomped every chance I got. Rico had already given me my first and second pair of Tims. Now all I needed was the weight. It was on after that.
"Yo, Chauncey, don't you have somewhere to fucking be?" I continued to stare at him.
He looked away and turned back to Rah. Rah was looking at him the same way I was, but when Chauncey turned to him, Rah started grinning like a Cheshire Cat and said "Yeah, Chauncey." He nodded his head toward the new crew like get the hell on, and then me and Rah dipped.
Let Chauncey watch those lil ma' fuckas' for a while. I hated doing that shit anyway.
Later that day, I went looking for Tiana. I found her kicked back on the railroad tracks, looking out at the world like she was over the whole thing.
All of it.
"Hey."
"Hey." She looked over at me and smiled. The setting sun hit her eyes right when she did and I almost missed a step walking towards her. "Watch yourself," she teased.
"Oh, I will." She got my meaning and looked away again. I sat down beside her and swatted her leg with fake playfulness. "So what's up witchya?"
She gave me a look like she knew what I came there to say and she wanted me to just come with it, so I did.
"Heard you fucked Rah last night." I watched her, to see what she would do. "After me and you did our thing." She kind of froze for a second, and then went right back to normal.
"Yeah." She sat up and leaned over the tracks, then spit her gum out as far as it would go.
"Thought you were saving it for me."
Tiana looked guiltily over at me, then back down to where her gum had fallen. She almost leaned over too far, and for a split second I thought she was about to jump. Then, if I was seeing what I was seeing correctly, it looked like she changed her mind and leaned back onto her elbows again, then looked back over at me. "Yeah," She continued to gaze at me, but I couldn't read her face. "I fucked him." Then she looked back out into the night. The sun had completely set now, and we looked out at what seemed like two sets of skies. One above us and one below us. Every light in the city was on, and every star in the sky was out. This was the only place on our side of town where you could actually see the stars.
All of them.
"You didn't used to be like that, Tiana. What...happened to you?"
I couldn't figure her out. I wanted her so bad, but I knew she was just...poison. Straight poison. Every nigga on the block knew that. We were all fucking her. I was just the only one dumb enough to fall in love with her. Way before I started fucking her.
"Why are you like that?" I asked again, just above a whisper, and then looked back out at the night with her, when she didn't answer.
I could feel Tiana looking over at me, and after she didn't look away for a really long time, I gave her my full attention. She was staring at me, and I could tell that she was trying not to cry.
"Do you know how to keep a secret?" She asked me this quietly, like the question itself was its own secret. I knew that it must have been a big secret, too, because as soon as the words crossed over her lips, her eyes got a little bigger. Like she had just scared herself with her own voice.
I nodded.
If she only knew how many secrets I was already keeping.
Did I know how to keep a secret?
She had no idea who she was talking to.
I was the King of Secrets.
"Um...my stepfather..." she cleared her throat and then looked back up at the stars. Then she looked back over at me, like she was afraid of me or something, which was weird. I just let it ride, though. "My stepfather...he...um...he...shares me..."
I was confused. "What do you mean?" The only time I had ever heard of a man sharing a woman, was when he was letting some other dude dig out his woman.
"I...he..." she started shaking and I took her hand. "He um...Kenney..." She looked at me for a real long time, then said my name again. "Kenney...I don't want to tell you."
I held her hand tighter. "It's ok. Tell me." Then I kissed her and said it again. "It's ok, Tee. What's on your mind?" I gently stroked the back of her hand with my thumb. "Just tell me..."
She took a deep breath and then said the craziest shit.
"Well...you know how Carole...gets high?" I nodded. I had sold to Tiana's mama more than a few times. "Well...my stepdad...is smokin' now, too..."
I tilted my head and looked into her eyes, but I was really thinking about something else. How the hell was this nigga gettin' high and I had never seen any money? I knew exactly who was doing what on my block and how much they owed. How the fuck did this one get by me? I would have to check these new lil niggas later. On the real, I started itching to leave Tiana there as soon as she said it, and check them right then, but I could tell that there was something heavy on her mind that she needed to get off her chest.
So I blanked out my face and waited.
"And..." she searched my eyes for a safe place, so I gave her one, "...sometimes they can't pay."
"Oh..." I was starting to get the picture.
"So he...um..." A tear dropped out of her eye and she impatiently brushed it away. In our world, most people didn't have time for tears. "He...shares...me...when they can't pay...."
"Oh..." I involuntarily let go of her hand.
I had been offered people's babies, little kids, teenage girls, you name it more times than a little bit, but it was just so fucked up, I didn't want any part of that shit. No joke, grown women had walked right up to me before and handed me their babies, and then went straight for my pockets. Remmey would fuck 'em up for going for my pockets when they did that shit, but if he wasn't around, I would just hand the kid back and tell 'em to get the hell on.
Tiana put her hands in her lap, and when I realized that I had just made her feel rejected, I took her hand again.
Then she told me more.
"So...that's why they know me." She looked over at me guiltily. "All your crew. Not the new ones...but..." she looked down. "That's why I've been with most of them..." She was talking about the OGs. That explained her stepfather's missing money. And a whole lot more. "So, everything they say about me...Charity, everybody. It's all true." Another tear dropped and she quickly brushed that one away, too. "Sometimes I have to pay twice...because my stepfather makes me pay him, too, when Carole can't pay him back..."
She looked over at me and I knew exactly what she meant. I didn't break eye contact with her.
"That's fucked up."
She nodded.
"Want me to take care of it?"
Tiana smiled at me like no one had ever smiled at me before. I would have stolen every star from the sky for her right then, if that's what she needed me to do.
"Really? Can you...do that...?"
It was a weird question. I just nodded. "Yeah." I took her hand again and helped her up. "Let's go."
"Wait...not yet." She pulled me back down on top of her and started unzipping my pants. I didn't argue. It wasn't until I was all the way in and she started to cry that I realized she thought she was paying me for whatever I was about to do.
Our world was so fucked up.
I came anyway, and then I walked her home.