At first I was determined to say no, but then when I looked at him, I couldn't leave.

I tried to look away, I tried to put him behind me, but the thing that will never change is that I only feel at home and safe with him.

So I decided to stay.

"Denise? Can I talk to you for a minute?", I ask her as I come back into the living room.

"Of course sweetie. What is it? I thought you left," she says and we walk a bit away from the others.

"I was wondering if I could stay here for a few days. I'm quite stressed at the moment and I'd like to take a break," I say and she just smiles kindly at me.

"Of course. You can stay here as long as you want. You know you can always feel at home here," she says, still smiling.

I just nod. "Thank you"

"You don't have to thank me. I'll fix up the guest room for you" she says and walks out of the room.

When she's done, I go up to the room where Denise is already waiting.

"If there's anything, we're one floor below you. Jobe and Jude said they're staying for the weekend too, so Jude is in his old room right next door," she tells me.

We wish each other a good night and then she disappears from the room.

She must be tired after being the centre of attention all evening.

I sit down on my bed and write to Lukas first that I won't be taking on any jobs for the next while as I'm taking a little break.

After discussing this with him for almost an hour, we finally come to my decision. He says it's not a good idea because I could destroy my career that way, but I really don't care. I'd rather be happy and have given up my career for this than ruin myself.

After sitting on my bed for 5 minutes looking at nothing, I get up to go downstairs to the kitchen to make myself something to drink.

I try to open the door as quietly as I can so that no one hears me.

I also walk down the stairs as quietly as I can. They'll let me stay here for a few days, so I can be quiet and not wake them up now.

Down in the kitchen, I close the door and then turn away from her to the shelf where the glasses are.

I pour myself a glass of water and drink it all in one go.

Then I turn around with the glass in my hand and my gaze stops at the open door.

I've just closed it properly, haven't I?

"Is something wrong?" Jude suddenly asks me, standing on the other side of the kitchen.

I drop the glass in shock and look at him.

"You asshole. Do you have to scare me like that?", I ask him, trying to stay serious and not laugh.

"I couldn't know that you hadn't noticed me," he defends himself and raises his arms innocently.

I just shake my head and bend down to pick up the broken pieces from the floor.

"Leave it. I'll clean it up," he says and bends down too.

"No, that's all right. I can do it," I answer him again.

"Why are you still awake?" he finally asks me after we have picked up most of the shards from the floor.

"I was just sorting something out with my manager," I answer him.

"And what about you? Why are you still awake?", I ask him as I sit down at the kitchen counter.

"I couldn't sleep," he says and looks at me.

"What did you sort out with your manager?" he asks curiously.

"I want to take a break from my current life, but he wouldn't accept it," I answer him without breaking eye contact for even a second.

"Why can't you sleep?"

"I'm thinking," he replies.

"Why do you want a break?"

"I'm not happy the way things are right now," I say.

"What are you thinking about?"

"About you"

It's quiet now and he doesn't ask any more questions. Neither do I.

I don't know how long we are in this kitchen, keeping silent and just looking at each other.

His answer surprised me. Maybe he feels the same way I do? But maybe not.

"I think I should go to sleep now," I say after yawning.

I've been on the road since 4 am yesterday morning and have otherwise only slept once briefly on the plane.

"Okay. I'm going to sleep too," he says and follows me out of the kitchen.

"Good night," I say at the room door and open it.

"Are you going to sleep in that dress?" he asks me suddenly still and I turn to him once.

"Yes... I think so. I don't have anything else here," I answer him.

He then disappears into his room.

Um okay? What was that now?

I'm not sure if I should wait here now because he left his door open.

But before I can think about it any more, he comes back with a pile of clothes in his hand.

"Here. Just put this on," he says and hands me a jumper and a pair of sweatpants.

"Thanks," I say and smile at him.

"If there's anything, just knock," he says.

I just nod and then finally disappear into the room. I take a few deep breaths and then finally put on his clothes.

I love that they smell like him.

I lie down in bed and snuggle into the clothes even more.

It almost feels like he is really lying next to me and holding me in his arms.

Just before I'm about to fall asleep, I hear a noise at the window.

If I were in a horror film right now, I would get up, open the window and see if there is someone there.

But luckily I'm not in one, so I lie there with my eyes open and don't move a millimetre.

I look at the window again and this time I see a shadow right in front of it.

This time I don't think at all, I just get up, open my door, walk across the hall and go into Jude's room. I even forget to knock, but that doesn't matter now anyway.

"Jude, there's someone there," I say and a few seconds later he turns on the light.

He gets up and goes back into my room with me.

"I'm scared," I say as he stands by the window.

"Please don't open that. What if someone is standing there now and kills you?", I say completely serious.

He turns to me again and looks at me with amusement.

"You watch too many horror films. Is the person supposed to fly in the air, maybe? We are at a height of 10 metres here. But it's nice to know that you're afraid for me."

How funny.

He laughs and then opens the window.

"You're right. There's a vampire flying by and knocking on your window".

"Don't make fun of me okay?" I say and smack him once lightly on the back of the head.

"There's nothing there Leya. That was just the wind on your window and the shadow from that tree there" he says pointing to the tree.

That makes sense.

"I'm still scared," I say and move away from the window again to be on the safe side.

"Then come over to me," is all he says and goes back again.

I wait a few seconds and think about what to do, but when I see the shadow again, I'm in his room faster than I can count to three.

I climb onto the left side of the bed and finally cover myself up.

I can't see him now, but I feel him looking at me.

"You know I missed you, right?" he finally asks quietly.

"Yes. And you know I've missed you too, don't you?", I ask him back.

"No. I didn't know that," he answers me honestly.

Actually, I don't even know why I asked that question, because not even I knew all along that I missed him.

He is missing. That's the reason why I can't be happy, no matter what I try.

"Now you know," I say and smile, even though he can't see me.

He puts an arm around me and I close my eyes.

Now that I'm really in his arms, I can say that nothing in this world will ever feel even remotely like this.