Jude's pov

I look across our living room to find my mother. My gaze wanders around the room full of people dressed in white.

They all look the same.

Except for her. She will always be the one who stands out.

My eyes never move away from her and it feels like time has stopped.

I didn't know she was coming.

I'm still looking at her.

Every time I think I can live without her, she reappears and I'm back to square one.

I'm 23 now, but I feel like a 15-year-old boy who fell in love for the first time and has butterflies in his stomach every time he sees her.

"Come on, let's get the present for your mother," Gio interrupts me from my thoughts.

I turn my gaze from her and look at Gio and Erling standing next to him.

Actually, I don't know why my mother invited them to her birthday too. Probably just so that me and Jobe don't get bored, because otherwise there are almost only older people running around here.

I quickly glance at my watch to see if it is really that late already.

Almost 0 o'clock.

I nod at them, but look back first to see if she is still standing there. But no, she is no longer there.

I feel the pain that settles in my chest every time I'm afraid she'll leave again.

I am the first to congratulate my mother. I give her my present and give her a big hug.

She doesn't open the presents yet, but puts them on an empty table at the back.

By the time almost everyone has finished congratulating her, the table is completely full.

All the people are finished now and have turned back to their own things, they are talking again, laughing, drinking and listening to the music.

"I'm sorry I couldn't get you a present, I'll make up for it," I hear Leya say to my mother.

I turn to them and see them hugging each other.

"No, please don't. You coming tonight was the best present you could have given me," she says and smiles at them.

She will still buy her a present. I know it.

"Did you know she was here?" Erling suddenly asks me, who has just appeared next to me.

How long has he been standing there?

"No," I answer him, still looking in her direction.

"Have you talked to her yet?" he asks me again.

"No," I answer and notice how he suddenly looks at me in an inviting way.

"Then what are you waiting for? Go to her.", he says again and slaps me on the shoulder.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," I say, and I can just see her trying to talk to some strangers she absolutely doesn't like.

"You'll never find out if you don't try," he says again, hits me on the shoulder once more and then disappears.

So I gather up all my courage and go to her.

"Leya?" I ask and she and all the people standing with her turn to look at me.

But I don't care about any of the other people at that moment because I finally, after 4 years, have her standing right in front of me again.

"Jude," she answers me and it feels like my heart is about to jump out of my chest when she says my name.

She gives the others a brief friendly nod and then turns away from them, which I guess is to say that she is coming with me.

She walks ahead to our couch and sits down on it.

"Sorry, but standing all day in these shoes is almost impossible," she says.

"Then take them off," I tell her and sit down next to her, but there is still enough space between us.

"No, what will people think if I sit here barefoot?"

"Who cares what people think? If you find the shoes uncomfortable, then take them off," I say and she looks at me a little thoughtfully.

"Either take them off now or I'll do it for you," I tell her, not breaking eye contact for a second."It's okay," she laughs.

"Already done," she says and leans back against the couch in relief.

"So... how have you been?", I ask her after it's been quiet for a few seconds.

"I don't know. Pretty okay, actually."

"But?", when you answer with an actually, there's always a but too.

"I'm a bit stressed and tired and what about you?" she asks me.

"I'm quite fine here," I say and she nods in understanding.

"How is your friend? The one you had with you at the game?", I ask her curiously. Maybe a little too curious, but I don't care, as long as I find out.

"Um... He's not anymore... We're not together anymore," she finally answers and her whole mood changes.

She begins to knead her hands nervously again.

Oh no.

"What did he do?" I ask now, while anger is brewing inside me.

"Nothing," she says and turns her head away from me.

I take her chin with my index finger and turn her head back in my direction so she's looking me straight in the eye again.

I see pain in her eyes.

"Tell me," I say more calmly now.

"He...he was violent and abusive," she says, looking elsewhere again.

I close my eyes to stay calm, but I notice my breathing getting faster and faster.

By now a tear is rolling down her cheek and I want so much to comfort her, but I can't.

I have too much anger inside me right now. Not because of her, she hasn't done anything wrong.

 Because of him.

She is the person in the world who lost everything, who had nothing, who fought for everything she has now. She doesn't deserve this. No one deserves that.

I get up and move away from the living room, walking hastily through the crowd and then finally out into the fresh air.

When I come back from my walk two hours later to clear my head, almost all the guests have already left.

Gio, Erling, Jobe and Leya sit on the couch and listen to Erling telling some story.

I sit down in the only free seat next to Leya and listen too.

She doesn't turn a single glance towards me, but why should she? I know I've been acting like shit.

"I think it's time for us to go," Gio then finally says and a little later we're all at the door saying goodbye.

"I'm going too," Leya now says as the other two have left and she bids everyone a friendly goodbye, only passing me by without saying anything.

The others have noticed that something is wrong and have therefore gone back inside to start cleaning up already.

"I'm sorry I reacted like that just now. I just didn't know what to do," I try to justify myself somehow, even though I know there is no justification.

"Anything would have been better than just getting up and leaving," she says as she puts on a long coat my mother lent her.

"I know and I'm sorry"

It's quiet again for a few seconds until she finally opens the door and then walks out.

"Leya... wait!", I say and she turns to me again.

"Please stay here. I can't let you go again," I say and look into her eyes a little sadly.

"Please stay"