"Where is my mother?", I ask Denise as I walk past her into the house.

"Leya, it's half past three in the morning. Your mother isn't here," she says sleepily.

I rang the doorbell for about 3 or even 4 minutes before Denise finally opened the door.

"But where is she then?", I ask her again.

"At home? Asleep in her bed?"

"No she's not, otherwise I wouldn't be standing here in your living room right now asking you where my mother is!", I yell now.

I know she hasn't done anything to me, but I can't help it. I scream anyway.

"What's going on here?" suddenly asks a male voice coming from the direction of the stairs.

I turn around and look not into the sleepy face of Jude, but into that of his father.

Shit, I didn't know they were here.

"Nothing, my darling. Leya is just a bit confused. Come let's go back to sleep," she says and runs over to her husband. "You are welcome to sleep here tonight. You know where the guest room is," she says with a nice smile and runs back up the stairs with Mark.

"No, Denise. Please. You don't understand what I mean," I say again, but my voice is so low that she can no longer hear me.

Shit, what am I going to do now?

I stand there, rooted to the spot. My pulse starts to quicken, first a little and then so much that every person in the room could hear it if someone were here.

My breathing becomes more and more irregular, sometimes faster, sometimes shorter, until finally I can't breathe at all and have to hold on to something to keep from falling over.

I don't know how, but somehow I manage to run to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

I drink the whole glass in one go and then rest my arms on the counter and put my head in it.

I don't know how long I stood there like that, but when the front door opens, I stand up straight again and wait to see who is coming.

I probably should have hidden, but it was too late for that anyway.

The person slowly approaches the kitchen and probably wonders why the light is on.

As he steps around the corner, my heart drops.

We just stand there and look at each other for a few seconds. Neither of us knows what to say. He finally breaks the silence by saying, "What are you doing here?" I get goose bumps when I hear his voice. Not in a good way, though, but because his voice sounds more deprecating and serious than ever.

"I'm not here for you," I almost whisper as I look away from him.

"Then why?" he asks again, his voice still just as serious.

I look up again, this time directly into his eyes.

"It may be hard for you to believe, but not everything in my life revolves around you. At least not anymore," I say now, without once, my gaze now also serious.

"Why are you here?" he asks again, this time a little friendlier.

"Because of my mother," I answer him, my voice not a bit friendlier.

"But your mother isn't here," he says again.

"How do you know?", I ask him as I take a step closer to him.

"I just saw her."

"What? Where? When?", I say and walk even closer to him.

"She was in the forest with a man. They were just on their way to his car and then he helped her sit in. Your mother looked very drunk. I couldn't see anymore it was too dark."

"Jude, don't lie to me. That wasn't my mother. She doesn't drink anymore."

"I'm one hundred percent sure. That was your mother," he says again.

I stop for a moment and feel sick.

"He must have driven her home again, didn't he? You don't think she ran off with him, do you?" I ask, looking at him with tears in my eyes.

"I'm sorry, but....", he begins. "Stop, don't finish that sentence," I interrupt him.

Air, I need air.

I look around and try to find the quickest way to fresh air.

I'm about to walk past him when he grabs my arm. I look up at him and at that very moment the first tear runs down my cheek.

His look is no longer as serious as before, but almost sad and pitiful.

"Please let me go," I whisper, still looking at him.

I am not even sure if he has heard, but when he finally lets go of me, I know he has.

I walk past him, to the front door, go out and run into the forest Jude was just talking about.

I run further and further along the path until I finally come to a crossroads.

Where should I go now?

I turn around a few times, still undecided which way to go now.

"Mum?", I shout once in each direction. But nothing.

I'd better go again.

I am about to go back when I see something lying in the bushes. It's dark, so I can't really make it out.

When I get closer, I can make out a shoe, but not just any shoe, it's my mother's shoe. I pick it up and take a long look at it.

What should I do now? How am I supposed to live without my mother?

I turn around again and walk in one of the four directions.

Wait, was it this way or the other? Or was it that one?

Shit.

Now it's finally too much for me and I collapse onto the floor.

I sit there, alone in a dark forest.

I never understood those people who said that the worst pain is when you can't even cry tears anymore.

I've always thought that's stupid, because if you don't cry, you're not sad, but that's so wrong.

Because now I know what they mean. You still cry, you just have no tears and no strength left.

"Leya come. We have to go," I suddenly hear Jude say and I wake up from my state of shock.

I look first at him and then at the still dark forest, in wonder.

"How long have you been here?" I ask him.

"The whole time. I've been following you," he finally says and kneels down to me.

"Come on, let's go," he says, holding out his hand for support.

I reject it and stand up on my own.

We just look at each other again for a long time.

"Why did you lie to me?", I finally ask him.

"What? I didn't lie to you."

"Yes you did. Why did you tell me you loved me?"

"Because I did," he answers me.

He misunderstands me. I don't mean why he told me he loved me at one point. I know he loved me, but I mean that night.

"No. You don't understand me. I mean why you told me you loved me when you were already with her."

"I already got the question right," he says again.

Oh.

"And why were you with her if you still loved me?"

"You broke my heart. And I saw it as a new chance to forget you. When I told you that night that I loved you, I meant it. I thought maybe there was hope for us again, but then when you said in front of Gio that we were just friends, I gave up hope and turned more to her to end it with you once and for all. And it worked. I'm sorry to put it this way, but I don't care one bit about what you do or how you're doing anymore. I have her now and I'm happy."

"Wrong," I say firmly.

"What?" he asks, confused. I guess he didn't expect an answer like that.

"If you were happy and didn't care about me anymore or how I'm doing, you wouldn't be standing here looking at me right now after you'd been following me into this forest because I feel like shit right now."