I walk back, past Denise, without looking at her once. I sit down in the car without saying anything.

Fortunately, she doesn't ask how I am or say that everything will be all right.

"What did he say?" she asks as she drives into a roundabout.

"I have to go now," I answer her.

"Is that all?" she asks, horrified.

I just nod and look out of the window again.

"At least now he knows what I wanted to tell him. The rest doesn't matter," I say again and lean my head against the window pane.

"Can you drive me home?", I ask Denise, who nods and then heads in our direction.

"Thanks for at least trying," she says and smiles at me as I get out of the car.

I smile back and quickly go into the house so that she doesn't see the first tears running down my cheek after all.

I quickly go up to my room and lie down in bed. This is where I have spent most of the last month and most of the next month will probably be here too. 

I turn on the TV to watch the game.

 It hasn't started yet, but the teams are just coming in. 

They are playing Bayern Munich today. A tough game.

A tough game, my ass, because in the end it's 5:0 for Dortmund. 

Jude scored 3 goals and prepared the other two.

He's getting better and better. I'm happy for him. What makes him happy makes me happy too.

Interviews are being shown again and it's Erling's turn. He is asked the usual questions, how he felt about the game, how he feels now...After him, it's Jude's turn.

"Good afternoon Jude Bellingham. First of all, congratulations on this match and on being, quite rightly, man of the match. How is it that you are in such good form today? Did you do something special before the match that then affected your playing skills? And how does it feel?" the reporter asks him.I ask myself the same question.

 I could never play so well after my girlfriend explained to me how exactly she cheated me.

"No, I did everything the same way I always do, but if I had played the way I felt today, I would have been kicked off the pitch in the third minute of the game. That's why I really blocked out all my private problems and feelings during the game and really concentrated on myself for the whole match. And a victory and a game like that feels great, of course," he answers, not smiling once.

In every other interview he was always beaming like the sun, but today?

Today he looks more like a storm cloud that could flash and thunder at any moment.

 "What did you think of the atmosphere here today, in front of a sell-out crowd?" the reporter asks again.

"Yes, of course, like every time, it's indescribable. I could play in front of an audience like this every day and I would still look forward to it just as much every time, I would still get goose bumps just as much every time. There's really no other word than indescribable for it."

"Thank you so much Jude Bellingham. Good luck.", the reporter says one last time and Jude disappears without saying anything else.

 Oh. He's pissed. 

But before I can think of him any further, my eyes close and I fall asleep.

I am only woken up again by a constant ringing on my mobile. I answer it quickly, still quite sleepy.

"Leya? Are you there?" Denise asks me in a worried voice.

"Yes, what is it?" I ask her back as I get up from my bed.

"Jude is kind of freaking out. He won't let me in his room and.... can you come here?" she asks me and I nod until I notice that she can't see me. 

"Yes I'm coming. Give me ten minutes," I say, running downstairs to get dressed. Luckily, my mother is already asleep and can't forbid me to go anywhere at 00:30. 

So I go out into the cold night air and run as fast as I can to their house.

When I arrive, Denise is already standing in the doorway waiting for me.

"What happened?" I ask her.

On the way, I have imagined all sorts of scenarios of what could have happened, but I can't come up with a solution.

 "I don't know. He's in his room and I wanted to see him but he won't see me and something's wrong," she says, still worried.

"I know this might not make you feel better, but I'm the person he wants to see least of all right now. I don't think I'm bringing anything here," I say and look apologetically at Denise.

 "If you really thought that, you wouldn't be here now. And if you really think that this is over between you two, you wouldn't be here now. So please, Leya. At least try," she says again and looks at me pleadingly.

I go up three floors to where Jude has his room.

I don't even knock on the door, but just go in. 

He is sitting on his bed, with his back to the door.

My gaze wanders once through his whole room.The small prize he got earlier for the "Man of the Match" is lying broken on the floor, another picture on the wall is also broken and lying on the floor.

How can you even get a trophy like that broken?

"Mum, didn't I say I didn't want you to come in?" he asks angrily. When I don't answer anything after a few seconds, he turns around and looks me straight in the eye.

It is very quiet for a moment.

"What the fuck are you doing here? I don't want to see you," he says and looks away from me.

 "I'm not leaving," I say firmly and he looks back up at me.

"Why did you leave earlier?" I ask him quietly.

"What else was I supposed to do, Leya? Should I have forgiven you right away and then kissed you like nothing was wrong?" he asks me, his voice becoming more serious.

"No. You know that's not what I meant. I told you that and you just left. An: okay, or an: I still don't want to see you anymore, would have been enough for me. But you just left," I say, not taking my eyes off him for a second. 

"And that's exactly the problem. I don't want to never see you again. And I realised that at that moment and left. 

You don't know how much you hurt me with that," he says, looking away from me again. 

"But I do, because that's exactly how I feel. I didn't want all this, but it happened anyway and I'm the reason for it," I answer him and he just looks at me again. 

Why doesn't he say anything? 

"Please say something," I say and look at him. 

"I tried to go on without you, but I can't. I still love you," he says and looks away.

"I'm really sorry Jude, I hope you know that," I say and smile at him.

 He is now looking at me again with that intense look, so I turn around and want to leave the room.

"Where are you going?" he asks me and stands up.

"Home?", I answer him. 

"Why?" he asks me as he gets closer to me.

"Because it's late and I have to go home," I answer him again.

 "Yes, it's late and that's why you're not going anywhere. I'm certainly not going to let you wander the streets alone at 1 a.m.," he says.

He runs to his wardrobe and takes off his T-shirt shortly afterwards.

 Oh no. Please don't. 

"I walked here too," I say, trying to see into every corner of his room so that I don't have to see him shirtless. 

"Yes, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let you run back now," he says seriously.

"Can you please put your shirt back on?", I ask as I look into his brown eyes.

"No, why?"

"Because we're not together and it makes me uncomfortable," I say as if it's totally obvious.

"Come on. It's nothing you haven't seen before," he says, grinning at me. 

Oh God, why are these situations always so uncomfortable?

He goes to his bed, lies down in it and looks at me. 

Why is he looking like that again? He wants something.

"What?" I finally ask, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"Are you going to stand there all night or are you coming?" he then finally asks, still with a grin on his face.

 "I don't know if that's such a good idea. Maybe I really should go home," I say.

Leya, shut up. I won't let you walk around alone in a city at night," he says again, a little more seriously.

He looks at me once more and then switches off the light.

Is he really serious now? Does he really want me to sleep in the same bed as him now?

I stand by the door in the dark for a few more minutes until my eyes get used to the darkness.

I finally walk to the bed and stub my toe on the edge of the bed.

"Fuck.", I say, sitting down on the bed and waving my foot back and forth to make the pain subside.

Just then I hear a soft laugh from Jude.

"Why are you laughing at me now?" I ask, trying to remain serious.

"Because it's funny," he replies.

"Asshole," I say again, take my pillow and hit him once with it.

"Hey. Why are you hitting me now?" he says, playfully offended, and then hits me back with the pillow.

"Good night.", I finally say and lie down too.