JISOO'S P.O.V.

Days had passed and I still felt horrible. I didn't go to school, I didn't eat a lot. My friends were worried about me, but I just couldn't face them yet. All of them had treated her like that, and I was scared that I would let out my anger on them because of that. I needed time. Time, to move on. Yet, when would that happen? It felt as if I never would.

On my desk laid the letter her doctor had given me. Her last words were written inside it. I didn't dare to open it, since that would only confirm the fact that she was gone. Although my gaze was always fixated on it, I tried to ignore it. It only reminded me of the pain I felt of losing her.

Yet, it hadn't been the first time I felt like this. It happened many times, when she was hurt, when she ran away...

The moment I heard the news that she had left the hospital, without a thought I ran away to look for her. I didn't know why I felt like this. I was worried, restless even. And the thought of not doing anything, I just couldn't stand it.

But, why was I acting like this?

It could've been because of the countless of times I've seen her cry. The many times she pretended to be alright. It all just seemed so hard on her. And no one seemed to care.

When she started dating Soonyoung, I thought she would finally be happy. The smiles he brought upon her, I thought it would continue. Yet, I couldn't believe I had been wrong.

Whenever everyone had left the hospital after a visit, I saw her cry in secret. Curled up like a ball on her hospital bed, she quietly sobbed.

She knew her relationship was all fake with no feelings attached, but she kept going on, even if it would result in only hurting herself.

"Why do you keep on doing this? You'll only get hurt." I confronted her one day, unable to bear seeing her like that. It pained me for some unknown reason. But, I knew it wasn't because of the love I felt for her, but because of my growing worry.

Upon seeing me, she quickly wiped her tears, revealing her red puffy eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about." She bit her lip, preventing it from quivering. I saw tears brim in her eyes, and unconsciously neared her. She rashly backed away from me, but I ignored the rejection.

Pulling her into a hug, she hit me on the chest with her fist. It was a weak and fragile blow, just like how she currently was.

"Joshua, I stop this." Her voice cracked before she broke into sobs. I didn't and only held her tighter, more secure. "I hate you." She repeated as she kept on hitting my chest.

She didn't. And even if she did, I didn't care. Whether she hit me or let out her anger on me, it was all for the sake of her feeling better.

"Then hate me all you want. As long I can still care for you, I don't mind." I whispered to her ear.

"You're stupid, Joshua. Do you think like this I'll suddenly start to like you?"

"Do you really take me for such a person?" I asked her sincerely. It wasn't my intention to get liked by her. I just wanted her to be happy.

"I do. Since guys like you are all the same." She angrily spat back. "You're all only pitying me and mistaking it for love. Love just doesn't work out for me. I wasn't meant to receive it in the first place. Not from my parents, not from my past friends, not even you. So, stop pretending. You're only hurting me." She pushed me away and forced me out of the room before slamming the door shut.

***

Even after listening to those words, I wasn't convinced. The next day, I visited her again, because I knew no one else would.

However, this time before I could even enter the room, she already had closed it and blocked the door with her body as if she had been expecting me.

I sighed and considered leaving, but in the end I didn't. I sat on the ground, next to her door, waiting for her.

The door was thick, yet it still felt as if I could feel her presence behind me. It was as if she was right next to me.

Still, I didn't understood my actions and why I kept bugging her. It might have been the fact that I just didn't want her to feel lonely.

Suddenly I heard the door slightly creak open. Yet, it was immediately shut the moment she saw me.

I saw her flustered expression before she disappeared behind the door, making me chuckle. Just seeing the sight of her, made me happy enough for me to leave for the day.

***

The other time we talked again was when she ran away from the hospital. It was that moment, when I realised that what I felt for her weren't just friendly feelings or feelings out of pity. But, I didn't know what it was. The feeling was still strange and unknown to me.

I ran as fast as I could without having an idea of where I was going. Where could she be? I never had seen her go to many place. The distance she could go was very limited because of that. What if she got lost? Or suddenly collapsed? The worry inside me only grew more and more. It made me feel anxious and extremely panicked.

By now, I was at the park. Looking behind every tree, for every bench and nearby shops, there still was no trace of her.

All of sudden, it struck me, the place of where she could possibly be.

Quickly calling a taxi, I entered it once it arrived in front of me and was on my way to her.

(...)

It was a dark place. Dark grey clouds covered the bright blue sky, creating a gloomy atmosphere.

Bad things always happened on such days. Before I knew it, rain would fall and cause everything to become a blur.

I stepped inside, meeting the familiar green high hedges. I wasn't even sure whether she was here. The place seemed empty, no one seemed to be here. Who would, with this weather go inside an open maze?

Yet, it wasn't enough for me to back out and leave the amusement park. The possibility of her being here was enough for me to stay.

I continued running. I didn't how long, how much I had ran and I didn't care. For her, I would run a thousand miles just to get to her.

I went past the familiar walls, slowly remembering the right path again. Avoiding dead ends, I soon saw a figure standing unstable in front of the end of the attraction. Upon seeing her, I ran towards her.

Her long curls had straightened from the rain, her body was shivering like crazy and I saw her slowly lose balance.

This was the place where I had ruined her date and almost first kiss. Thinking about it now, I didn't even feel bad that their kiss never happened. It was strange. How my thoughts about her changed so easily.

The feelings I had for her seemed so unfamiliar. My actions were the same. Seeing her in that state, my body moved on its own, ignoring the complaints in my head.

My hands reached out for her, cupped her face. It was there where I leaned in and placed my warm lips gently on hers.

Her tears flowed, along with the rain, leaving a salty sweet aftertaste as I pulled away.

For the first time, she didn't reject me. Instead, her cold arms were wrapped around me as she continued crying.

She was seeking comfort, and I was the only one who would give it to her.

"Why?" She weakly mumbled. "Why do you keep doing this? Moving my heart and comfusing me more and more. I don't want to feel this, Joshua. It's only going to hurt me." She wailed in despair.

"Because you made me fall for you." For once, I finally knew what I felt. It was love. Something I continously wanted to give her.

She didn't respond anymore. Her hand had searched for mine and held onto it securely. With her eyes closed, she rested and leaned her weak body against mine. Her body lacked energy to go back, so I brought her back to the hospital.

(...)

I stayed by her side, took care of her while she slept. Her tears had dried, along with her hair, her clothes that had been drenched by the rain. I stayed by her side like I always did and did not plan to leave anytime soon.

Days after that, she seemed better, sometimes smiled even. I hoped it would stay like that. I started spending more time with her and our relationship slowly improved. We became friends and I actually didn't mind that we didn't become something more. For the time being, I was happy and she was too.

Everything was good, at least that what was I thought.

***

"Joshua, I don't want you to visit me anymore. I'm leaving tomorrow." She told me one day.

"Leaving?" I was surprised with the sudden news and eyed her in wonder. Yet, she only returned me a blank look.

"I'm transferring to another hospital. Tomorrow, this room will be empty." She stated, her voice was awfully monotonous and contained no emotion.

"To where, which city?" I asked, wanting to visit her even if it was far away.

"I won't tell you, because I don't want to see you anymore." My eyes widened upon hearing that, and I felt a flash of panic. Holding onto her hands that always felt cold, I looked in her eyes, searching for an explanation.

"Why? D-di-did I do something wrong to you?" Did she start hating me?

"No, I just think I should cut all my ties with you." I noticed her avoiding my gaze and only got more confused.

"I don't want to and I don't see a reason to." I insisted.

"Please, I'm asking this as a favour." She begged me, she looked sad. Tears were filling her eyes, but she quickly blinked them away.

"Minah, I can't and I won't." I made it clear to her. I thought she would come to her senses later on and decided to visit her early morning tomorrow again, even when she was against it.

Without a thought, I left the room, not listening to her words which would be her last.

***

For days, it laid on the same spot, untouched. Little bit of dust had covered the white envelope.

I had to face it, she was gone. Minah had passed away and I couldn't do anything about it. Because nothing would make her return.

Hesitatingly stepping to my desk, I stared at the piece of folded paper. I reached for it and wiped off the dust.

Holding the letter she had written for me, I noticed that my hands were shaking. With much difficulty, I ripped the envelope open.

With her beautiful handwriting, she had written down my name at the top of the letter.

Noticing the dried tears on the paper, I felt my heart constantly being hammered. The pain I felt inside, just didn't stop, as if the content of the letter would only cause it to hurt more. Was I prepared for this?

I wasn't and never would be. I just had to face it. All the pain that I was going to feel was part of it, the way of moving on.

So, I read it.

***
Part 1 of the 2/3.