October 21, 2024 - Barcelona, Spain

"Du hattest damit kein Problem als wir was zusammen hatten."
("You didn't seem to mind when we were hooking up.")

It felt as if the whole stadium had gone quiet after I had said these words, when in reality I was solely blurring out my surroundings, only able to focus on Sydney's shocked and hurt expression.

"Ich..." ("I...") She stuttered, her eyes searching for Klara's help, before she spun around, presumably rushing into the safety of Bayern's changing room. It was the first time in the last 3 years that she had been the one to walk away from a situation like this, but somehow it didn't feel good. Deep down, I knew that I had betrayed her in that moment, just like she had done so many times before.

Klara's gaze found mine, her green eyes looking at me in disappointment.
"War das wirklich nötig?" ("Was that really necessary?") the German forward sighed loudly, taking a small step forward, slightly touching my arm like she had always done whenever she tried to signal me to come down, before running after Sydney.

"What the hell just happened?" Mapi asked confusedly as she hadn't understand anything, gently touching my left hand.

"Ouch" I whined at the touch, shaking my left hand in pain, before throwing Mapi an upset glance. "We should probably talk. But I really need to get my hand checked out first."

***

Two hours later, we entered Mapi's apartment in silence. Luckily, there was nothing seriously wrong with my hand, it would be back to normal after a few days if I just put some ice on it now and then. However, Mapi seemed to be the bigger problem as she had stayed quiet ever since I told her we needed to talk, making the car ride back home extremely awkward.

"So, what did you wanna talk about?" The defender asked straight to the point, taking a seat on the couch with Bagheera in her arms.

Nervously, I sat down next to her, studying her facial expressions. She seemed to be worried about what I was going to tell her and honestly, I was too. "I don't know where to start."

"You and that Sydney girl. It wasn't just about her being jealous about you being named Captain of the team and a better footballer in general, was it?" Mapi asked, her gaze glued to the black fur ball purring in her arms.

Oh, what I would give to be in Bagheera's place right now.

As quickly as the thought crossed my mind, I shook it off again. I couldn't seriously be jealous of a cat. Except, I knew that he had Mapi's unlimited love, something I would never get. I wasn't stupid, in fact, I was well aware that whatever it was between Mapi and I had an expiration date.

I exhaled loudly, nervously kneading my hands in my lap. "You're right" I finally admitted, too scared to even look at her.

"The look Sydney gave you when you walked away... You two weren't just friends, were you?" Mapi mumbled questioningly.

"Right again" I nodded, tilting my head so I could see her reaction.

She sighed loudly, her gaze still focused on the purring pet on her lap. "So you conveniently left that part out when you talked about her."

"It's not like that" I defended myself, taking a last deep breath in order to prepare to confess everything.

Flashback (all conversations in Flashbacks are in German)

April 25, 2021 - Munich, Germany

"We fucking did it"  I yelled as I jumped on my best friend and teammate, Sydney Lohmann, my arms wrapped tightly around her neck.

The first leg of the Champion's league semi finale against Chelsea had just ended with us leading 2-1, Sydney scoring the first goal of the match in the 12th minute.

"Yes, baaaby" the tall dark blonde screamed back, her new found nickname for me causing shivers to run down my spine.

I knew all too well that it was absolutely stupid to read this much into a single, meaningless word, but I couldn't help it.

Sydney and I had always been close as we had been playing along side each other in various German national youth teams since we were 14. When I joined Bayern Munich at 16, she followed me one year later and it made our bond even stronger. It was around that time I realized, I just couldn't relate to the way my friends were talking about boys. Sydney was the first person I confided in and ever since she had always supported me, but as far as I knew, she was straight.

Nevertheless, I couldn't help but feel as if there was to our innocent touches sometimes and the way she smiled at me always brightening up my whole day.

I knew I shouldn't feel this way about my best friend. It was wrong, after all, she wasn't into women and therefore most likely didn't think anything into our interactions.
On some days, it made me feel like a predator and as if there was something totally wrong with me.

Suddenly, I felt another set of hands on my body, my other best friend Klara joining in on our hug. The three of us had always been inseparable, another reason why my feelings were totally wrong.

End of flashback.

"So you had a crush on your teammate. Big deal, we've all been there" Mapi chuckled ironically, her gaze still mainly focused on Bagheera.

"If it only ended there" I grimaced, my body tensing up as I got ready to mentally relive the moment that had changed my life forever.

June 6, 2021 - Munich, Germany

Tim Bendzko's "Hoch" loudly blasted through the speakers, our whole team screaming along as we celebrated winning the German League today with a total of 61 points. We had won our last game of the seaaon against Eintracht Frankfurt with a score of 4-0, increasing the current mood even more.

"I am so incredibly proud of us" Sydney screamed in my ear, her lips gently touching my bare skin, her arm laid around my shoulders as we were leaving the crowded room to get some fresh air outside.

I quickly took another sip of my Vodka mixed with orange juice to take my mind of the current situation, even though I was already pretty intoxicated. We all were, but we deserved it after the tough season.

"Me too" I smiled at my best friend, once again noticing how breathtakingly gorgeous she was, even when she was simply dressed in a white t-shirt with black pants.

She must have noticed my gaze wandering up and down her body, because a huge grin appeared on her face. "Are you checking me out?"

My cheeks turned bright red as I hastily stared at my feet. "Shut up, I would never. Although you do look beautiful as always." I quickly bit my lips after these words had left my mouth, the alcohol being the source of my newfound confidence.

Sydney's smile grew bigger as she pulled me closer, her lips now pressed against my ear, causing my whole body to shiver. "You look gorgeous in your dress, Em."

For a brief moment, I leaned my head against her, the fresh air of this early summer night blowing through my ponytail.

We were the only two people outside and it all felt a little too perfect, the alcohol in my body making the situation worse.

Slowly, I turned my head towards Sydney's, my hand intuitively brushing a strand of her dark blonde hair out of her face.

I wanted to kiss her so badly, even though I knew I wasn't allowed to.

Nevertheless, my gaze fell on her lips. "Syd" I murmured drunkenly, my hand still resting on her face.

"Hmm?" my best friend mumbled quietly.

I let out a loud sigh.

This was so wrong.

Determined, I wanted to take a step back, when suddenly Sydney's lips crashed on mine.

(End of Flashback)

"I love hearing the details of someone else kissing you." Mapi rolled her eyes at me, which meant she was at least looking at me again.

Baby steps.

I threw her an annoyed look. "Come on. That's not the point of the story."

The tattooed blonde let out a loud sigh, before slowly moving one of her hands from the purring fur ball in her lap to my thigh. "I know, princesa. Continue."

October 4, 2021 - Lisbon, Portugal

It was a warm late summer day, the day before our Champion's league group stage game against Benfica. We had just wrapped up the last practice an hour ago, meaning we were now able to stroll through the beautiful, steep streets of Lisbon.

My gaze fell on the tall girl walking next to me, resisting the urge to grab her hand or give her a little peck like I had so many times in private.

But this was different. We had mutually agreed to keep this a secret, even though I wanted to scream to the whole world how much I loved Sydney.

Was is love though? It wasn't as if we were a couple, although it often felt like it, when we were huddled together in her bed, too scared to make loud sounds in case her parents got home early or when we were stealing kisses from each other in the short periods of time no one else was in the room with us.

"It's beautiful here" a third voice raved about the city, stopping to capture the three of us on her camera, before stepping a few meters away to photograph to record a video of an old streetcar.

Sighing, I watched my best friend Klara, wishing I could tell about Sydney and me.

Suddenly, Sydney's lips gently touched my ear. "Do you know what's beautiful?" I could feel her smile against my ear conch. "You, baby."

I turned around, getting lost in her beautiful eyes for a moment. "Syd, I- "

"I swear to god, this stupid streetcar almost ran me over!" Klara's loud complain interrupted us, Sydney immediately taking a step back.

"You're so stupid, Klara" she laughed a little too loud, purposely not looking at me.

"Guys, look!" Klara showed us the selfie of the three uf of she had just taken a few minutes ago. All of our faces were decorated with smiles, but I knew that two of them were fake, lying to the innocent third one.

"I love you guys so much" Klara smiled happily.

It wasn't fair at all.

(End of flashback)

"I'm so sorry, princesa. You don't deserve to be kept a secret" Mapi said in a genuine tone, her fingers gently stroking over my thigh.

I looked at her in a confused manner. Wasn't she doing the exact same?

But I knew I wasn't being fair to her, comparing her to Sydney, although I was already mentally preparing myself for this to end the way it did with Sydney.

November 10, 2021 - Lyon, France

Even though we had just lost against Lyon in the Champion's League group stage, the night was far from over. Klara had to stay in Munich due to a minor injury, meaning Sydney and I could share a room without any questions asked.

My head was buried in the blonde's shoulder, her hand gently stroking through my hair as we were laying on the bed in our hotel room, the thin sheet covering our naked bodies.

"Syd?" I asked tiredly, slightly lifting my head to get a better look at her face.

"Mhm?" She murmured sleepily, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. "Are you okay, baby?"

I nodded hesitantly, using my whole remaining energy to bring up the confidence to say what I had been wanting to say for weeks. "It's just... I like you. A lot" I sighed. "But I don't want to hide this anymore. It feels wrong, especially having to lie to Klara."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw how Sydney's facial expression turned shocked as she removed her arm from my shoulder, causing my head to fall harshly on the bed.

"Ouch" I complained with a confused laugh.

"What do you mean you don't want to hide this?" Sydney asked, gesturing between the two of us.

"It's just... I wanna tell my parents and Klara about you and just... show the world that you're mine" I replied shyly.

"Your parents?" Sydney gasped, hastily getting up, the blanket wrapped around her naked body as if I hadn't just touched every single part of it a few minutes ago. "No, Emilia! You can't do that... They'd tell my parents- you know what, forget it."

"Forget what?" I wanted to know as I watched the girl I adored so much throwing on some clothes in a rush. "Syd, what's going on?"

The tall German let out a loud sigh. "Emilia, I think you read too much into this. We're just friends who have fun together, but I- I'm not... gay like you."  She said quietly, refusing to lool at me as she made her way to the door. "I'm going to Georgia's room... Sorry, Em."

"Sydney, stop!" I yelled, trying to hold her back, but as I was still not wearing anything there was nothing I could do except for watching the first girl I had ever loved run away from me.

(End of flashback.)

"Esta hija de puta..." Mapi murmured angrily. "She's full of shit. Did she start teasing you after that evening?"

I nodded slowly. "No... That wasn't until the following year. And it was my fault."

December 31, 2021 - Munich, Germany

5 minutes until 2022;

Our whole team, joined by some friends and teammates of our respective national teams, had assembled for a New Year's party in a huge apartment just outside Munich.

Dressed in a black mini dress, I leaned against the cold wall, sipping my wine as I was thinking back to our last team party where Sydney kissed me.

Oh, what I'd give to turn back time.

My eyes searched the room for her, but unsurprisingly I couldn't find her. She had been avoiding me every since that horrible night in Lyon.

"Are you thinking about her again?" Lena Oberdorf, my teammate in the national team had sneaked up to me. During the last national camp we had been sharing a room and she had walked in on me crying more than once. Eventually, I couldn't make up any more excuses, so I broke down and told her everything, making her the only person who knew about it.

"No- yes. Maybe" I sighed. "It's just... I'm starting to feel so ashamed, like a predator who lured her into doing things she didn't want to do.  And Klara is so confused about why she isn't speaking to us anymore, but I can't tell her."

"Em, stop!" Lena interrupted me loudly, grabbing my hand as she did so. "You're not a fucking predator. You two practically dated for half a year, that girl is anything but straight."

"But she said-"

"Dude, she's literally starring at us from over there" Lena slightly tilted her head to the right. "I'd bet my future Balon d'or that she's jealous of me holding your hand right now."

"You're so annoying" I laughed, secretly looking to where Lena pointed to. She was right, Sydney was watching us from the other side of the room, looking absolutely gorgeous.

One minute until 2022;

"I have an idea" Lena smirked. "We're gonna make her jealous."

I threw her an annoyed look. "How would we even do that, she's not-"

"You're gonna be my New Year's kiss."

"10...9..." the crowd started counting down to midnight.

"What now...?" I replied irritated.

"8...7...6...."

"Close your mouth, friends can kiss too" the brown haired German laughed.

"5...4...3..."

"You're right." God, Sydney had messed me up. It wasn't like I hadn't mostly kissed my friends on New Year.

"2..."

I looked at Lena.

"1...Happy new year!" As the crowd celebrated, I pecked a small kiss on Lena's lips, immediately checking if Sydney had noticed.

She certainly had.

I had never seen her looking so damn furious.

(End of flashback)

"That's the whole story" I shrugged. "After that evening, she slowly started teasing me, but it only got really bad about a year later when our former captain Lina Magull stepped down and the decision for the new one was between Sydney and me. When I was appointed, she full on started bullying me. I wasn't lying when I first told you what happened, I just left out the first part."

Mapi turned her head towards me, her thumb still brushing over my thigh. "You could have told me after I trusted you with the whole Ana and Esther story."

I cautiously intertwined our fingers, my eyes searching for hers. "I know, Mapi, but I wasn't ready. You're the only one except for Lena who knows about this. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, princesa. I understand" the tattooed defender finally said. "I'm sorry all of this happened to you, I wish I could have protected you somehow, but I'm glad you're here now. Nothing bad can happen to you as long as I'm here, I promise."

"Thanks, María" I grinned, leaning my forehead against hers.

"María?" Mapi exclaimed loudly, grabbing a pillow from behind her. "Fuck you! I thought we had moved on from that name!"

Laughing, I defensively held up my hands as she threw the first pillow in my direction, only to throw it back seconds after.

Liked by marialeonn16, alexiaputellas and 23'827 others

emiliacortes20: the UWCL is ours 💙❤️
--
marialeonn16: ❤️👸🏼
alexiaputellas: proud of you🫶🏻
lena_oberdorf: nein ("no")
^laurafreigang: ja ("yes")
keirawalsh: it's yours!!🐐
lucybronze: ❤️
fcbayernfrauenfan: verräter ("traitor")
^klarabuehlismyworld: echt so🥴 ("true")
miasanmia.women: 🤮🤮🤮
lohmann.universe: did she fight with sydney and klara after the game???
^fcbwomenarethebest: that's what you get for being a traitor

A/N: sorry for so many flashbacks, I promise this is the only chapter with flashbacks!

Question: what's your opinion on Sydney so far?