A/N: I'm sorry.

📍DFB training camp, Murcia

"What the fuck?" Still puzzled, I looked at my phone screen which had just turned dark after Mapi had suddenly hung up.

"What did she say?" Klara asked, letting herself fall onto my bed, Sydney, and Laura now laying on the other one.

"Oh, trust me. It's better if you don't know" Laura threw me a concerned glance as she had understood some parts of the conversation. "But seriously, what's Mapi's problem? I've never seen her like this before."

"It suits her reputation though" Sydney chuckled, causing Laura to playfully hit her on the arm.

"Don't always believe rumors" Laura said in a serious manner, making me think she wasn't only trying to teach Sydney a lesson, but me as well, even though it seemed as if she had forgotten about our disagreement on the train the other day.

Especially the last 24 hours had felt like the good old days when Klara, Laura, Sydney, and I had been the inseparable four at camp. Sydney and I overslept this morning as we had stayed up late the night before, catching up on everything that happened the last two and a half years, so we had to attend breakfast in our pajamas with unbrushed hair. It looked so hilarious that I uploaded it on my Instagram, not thinking anything of it. After breakfast, we went on an early morning walk with the whole team where Laura was told to take a selfie for the DFB account, making me wonder if Mapi had seen that photo as well.

But why on earth would she even follow our account?

Training had been exhausting, so I was really excited when I saw that Mapi called me, especially after she hadn't replied to me all day, ready to tell her all that had happened in the last few days.

Which brought me to where I was right now, my friends still looking at me expectantly.

"So... do you wanna tell us what happened with your girlfriend?" Sydney asked.

"She's definitely not my girlfriend" I sighed, Sydney shooting me a surprised look.

While we had spent a huge part of last night catching up on our lives, we had conveniently left out our dating life.

It would have just been too weird.

"So what's actually going on between you two?" Laura wondered, propping herself up on her elbows. "I just know what Ingrid told me."

"Who's Ingrid?" Sydney asked curiously. "I've definitely heard that name before!"

"Wasn't she the one who dated Jill Roord?" Klara intervened and all of the sudden we were gossiping just like in the old times.

"Wait what?" My jaw dropped, suddenly feeling sorry for Ingrid. "So she has to see her ex with a new girl every day?"

"You've conveniently left out the part where her ex's new girlfriend insists she's straight" Laura laughed in reference to Jana still denying that Jill and she were a thing, even though everyone knew about them.

It sounded a little too familiar.

"What's in the water in Barcelona?" Klara joked, leaning her head against me.

"Whatever it is, it's turning them all gay" Sydney grinned, turning her head to Laura. "What about you?"

"What about me?" Laura raised an eyebrow, suddenly seeming uncomfortable.

"Has the water turned you gay yet?" Sydney gigglingly repeated her question.

Laura shot her friend a weird glance."What? No, of -"

"Ingrid!" I shouted all of the sudden, interrupting Laura's answer.

"What does Ingrid have to do with this?" Laura hastily demanded to know.

"She just texted me out of nowhere!" I turned my phone around to show her.

[7.11.2024 17:56:34] Ingrid Engen: Hi Emilia. I need to talk to you. Are you free tonight?

"Am I free tonight?" I quickly went through our team schedule while trying to figure out why Ingrid wanted to talk to me.

"You're not" Klara intervened after checking her own phone. "We have a team event after dinner, but you're free tomorrow night."

"But what on earth could she possibly want?" I thought out loud as I typed out my reply to Ingrid. "I literally haven't spoken to her in over a month."

[7.11.2024 18:01:24]: Hey, no unfortunately I'm not. What about tomorrow at 19:00?

As I clicked sent, Laura's head suddenly rang up. "I think I know what Ingrid wants!"

Three hours and a delicious dinner later, I took place on a couch in a common area for our team's movie night.

Out of all movies, we were going to watch Bend it like Beckham.

As if I wasn't already thinking of Mapi enough.

For the millionth time tonight, I pulled my phone out of my pocket, immediately opening my WhatsApp chat with the Spaniard.

[7.11.2024 17:50:31] : Mapi I'm sorry

[7.11.2024 17:51:12]: Please call me back

[7.11.2024 18:30:54]: I need to tell you something about Ingrid!!

[7.11.2024 19:01:45] : Mapi please

[7.11.2024 20:30:37]: Did you seriously block me???

The last message hadn't gone fully through while her profile picture had disappeared, meaning I had seriously been blocked by the girl I cared about most.

It was always the same.

However, I never thought Mapi would react in such a childish way.

My gaze shifted to my right where Sydney was sharing popcorn with Klara while attentively watching the first few minutes of the movie.
Just three years ago, it felt as if I had been in the exact same situation with her, but now she was sitting here next to me as if nothing ever happened. Even though I hadn't been sure if I could ever forgive her, it seemed like I already had, Klara, her, and I falling right back into our old ways. Quite frankly, I didn't mind. The world of football was a constantly changing world where your friends come and go. Knowing I might have something constant to always rely on in my life gave me some inner peace.

Especially if I had lost Mapi.

My eyes wandered back to the screen as I was trying my best to concentrate on the movie, but seeing Jess and Jules brought me back to that night in Tenerife where I watched the same movie with Mapi, Alexia, and Jenni.

Just another time when I had been fighting with Mapi.

How had I never noticed this pattern?

And why on earth did I even get involved with someone who straight-up bullied me the second I set foot into the Barcelona training grounds?

I couldn't help the tears welling up in my eyes, hastily mumbling that I'd be going to the bathroom so I had an excuse to leave the room.

Almost blinded by the tears now streaming down my face, I barely found my way outside, leaning against a table tennis table when I finally made it.

How did I let this happen?

Suddenly, I heard footsteps coming closer, so I hastily tried to unsuccessfully wipe my tears away.

Too late.

"Oh my god Mili, what happened?" I heard a familiar voice ask worriedly.

Mili.

I knew the exact night when I last heard someone call me that. Thinking back, it was the night my life started falling apart. Perhaps it was a sign that everything would fall right into place again?

As I lifted my head, I stared right into Sydney's green eyes looking at me worriedly.

Even after all these years, she saw right through me, knowing exactly when I didn't feel good.

"It's nothing..." I tried to evade her questioning, even though I knew it wouldn't satisfy her.

"That's bullshit, Mili," Sydney said softly, awkwardly putting her arm around me, therefore pulling me a little closer to her once-so-familiar body.

With a loud sigh, I put my head on her shoulder, enjoying the silence that was now laid over us as we were leaning against the table tennis table, staring into the dark for a while.

How could something feel so familiar, yet so strange? So good, yet so wrong?

"I- it's just. I don't know. I think I got played" I tried to explain my emotions to the taller girl.

"By María León?" Sydney wanted to know, her thumb gently drawing circles on my shoulder in an attempt to calm me down.

"Unfortunately, yes" I nodded, quickly swallowing the tears that tried to find their way back to my eyes. "Everyone warned me about her. Even Ingrid! But I didn't want to listen. I really thought it would be different this time... but she fucking blocked me and said she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, just because I didn't like the whole hiding part. Even though everyone knows already!"

"That fucking sucks... " Syndey exhaled loudly. "I'm so sorry, Mili. You don't deserve any of this."

"Even though you basically did the same?" I chuckled, gently nudging her in her side.

"That was the biggest mistake of my life, Mili. I hope you know that and I sure hope María realizes that too" Sydney said seriously, her voice filled with regret. "I would do anything to turn back time."

Puzzled, I turned my head to her, looking straight into her eyes. "For real?"

The tall girl nodded earnestly, returning my look. "Of course, I would! Hurting you is my biggest regret. I didn't know better back then and I arguably chose the worst way to react" she let out a small giggle, adjusting the weight on her feet, only to be even closer to me afterward.

"Yeah, you could definitely say that" I laughed, our conversation almost making me forget how upset I was earlier.

Would Mapi ever realize too?

Probably not.

However, someone was standing in front of me, just a few centimeters away, who did come to her senses, someone who wouldn't treat me that way anymore.

Our eyes were still locked as if we were searching for answers without knowing the questions.

"Mili, I-" Sydney murmured, swallowing the end of her sentence, breaking our eye contact as she closed her eyes for a split second.

"Don't say anything now" I breathed, standing on my tiptoes, my forehead now leaning against hers.

Our lips touched softly for a brief moment before we both pulled away laughing, but whether it was a goodbye kiss or the beginning of something new would only become clear later.

For now, all that counted to me was that it relieved my pain.

Maybe Laura had been right when she called me selfish.