What kind of feeling Someone gets when they know that they are being harassed but can't say or do anything.

I don't know what is the name of that feeling but I do know that pain in my throat, the urge to scrub my whole body in burning hot water till there is beautiful red liquid coming out, the only need is to wear clothes too loss and thick so that no one can see any single inch of my skin.

That is what I'm feeling right now, this animal who is hiding behind this black cloth who can't even have bit of courage to show his ugly face pointing gun on my chest and trying to get closer.

And I'm stiff just like that 13 years old who didn't know what was happening but now I am aware still I am stiff. I want to do something I want to move but my body is not listening, ashu push him this piece of shit is unworthy to touch you. You didn't did all this study and self growth so that this kind of man who think women as just toy can torture you .

He did animal like sniff near my neck and said "ahhhhhh sofistiketed Virgin!!"
And went back to his old position.

I feel relieved. I hate being around men. Especially those who degrade other people.

I just curled up bringing my knees to my chest. In medical language we called this fetal position cause babies are in this position in intrauterine life to protect themselves, then why am I doing this I can't even protect myself.

I always felt this guilt when ever I got bullied or harassment. why can't my stupid brain understand I did not invited those people to harassed me I did nothing wrong, it's them they are bad people.

Those words "ohh so you feel proud that someone like you can have stalker " , "stop lying who would harassed someone like you, you must have seduce them" are still cutting deeper than knife because my closest people have said that.

I didn't think that trip to Paris would be trip to my nightmares. Now I wish that it would have been better if this guy just had shoot me before.