madison parker

I hate Mondays with all my might. It's a completely insignificant day. Especially when you have to go to college.

I'm not in the mood for a bit. It's been two days without talking to him. And during those 48 hours, I kept replaying that goodbye scene, thinking if I should have made another decision, the decision that, deep down, was the one I wanted.

It was almost two months of fake dating. An amount of time I never imagined spending with Jamal. Because we hated each other. He with his mocking jokes, and me with my little outbursts of anger.

It's unbelievable how I couldn't stand his company, not even his voice. And now, I miss it. Of everything.

My inner self knew that if I became romantically involved with Jamal, maybe things wouldn't be this traumatic with Miles. But as always, a portion of insecurity and fear took over me, and I did what I had to do.

When I told my mother the whole situation, she told me something that had been bouncing around in my head all day. "Our mental health always comes first. Jamal is a great guy, but if you're not ready for a relationship, then he has to understand that." Those were her words.

And even though I feel insignificant for having hurt him, I don't feel completely wrong in this story. Thinking about our mental health is not selfish, but why do I feel like it is?

-Good morning daughter. - my mother says, as soon as I enter the kitchen to have coffee.

I give him a kiss on the cheek, and fill half the cup with caffeine.

- You drink it like water, then you don't complain about the stomach pain. - Eva rants, arching an eyebrow.

-You know I can't go without coffee. In fact, there is a lack of sugar. - I laugh, when she slaps me lightly.

-Where's Liz? - I ask, noticing the absence of the youngest.

-Her father came to pick her up.

At the same time, my eyes widen. He never did that.

-Why did he come here?

-He brought you something. It's in the garage. - she says, giving a discreet smile.

Surprisingly, I leave the coffee cup on the table and go out into the garden, with my mother accompanying me.

Do not play!

-I'm dreaming!? - I exclaim, in shock.

Beautiful and impeccably white, a Mercedes-Benz C 300 Cabriolet shines in the sunlight.

My sensible side tells me not to accept this gift from my father, as he just wants to buy my trust again. But sensibility be damned, that's the least he can do anyway.

- I can already imagine driving through the streets of Beverly Hills in this car! - I smile excitedly, sitting in the driver's seat.

The car key has a heart keychain, I roll my eyes theatrically. He thinks I'm Olivia.

- He's not that bad. - my mother approaches, analyzing the convertible.

- Mom, even though I loved him, I'm too selfish to the point of still thinking he's an asshole. And it's okay, okay? He gives me gifts, money, but he still doesn't have my sympathy. - I shrug.

- Madison, don't be so hard on him... He's still your father.

- I know, mom. I know. Just let me enjoy it, okay? - She shakes her head, smiling. -Can you get my bag, please?

And as in a dream, I drive to school in my long-awaited and beloved white Cabriolet that shines in the sun. And to make things better, I listened to The Weeknd the whole way.

- Now that you have a car we can go to the beach on the weekends. - Charlie said excitedly, as we walked towards my closet.

- Dream big, Charlie. Money doesn't fall from the sky every seven days, no. - Riley responds, laughing. She was happier now that she had sorted things out with Joshua, she said the two of them were getting to know each other. And I loved knowing that.

Laughing, I mentally thank them for always being able to cheer me up. The usual Riley and Charlie way.

- I still have to thank you for the gift. - I say, opening the closet. —But I think he only gave me the car because he expected me to accept the dinner he proposed. -A dinner he hopes Jamal will be at too.

I take a deep breath. As the closet door was open, it was inevitable not to look at the photo hanging with a cute bee magnet. A photo where Jamal and I are doing a funny pose. We took it off the day we went skating. He is sitting on the floor of the track, exhausted. And I, pulling his hands, forcing him to get up, with a bored expression on my face. Even though deep down I was holding myself back from laughing.

That was definitely one of the best moments we've ever spent together.

- How are you? I mean, with all this? - Riley asks, placing a hand on my shoulder, in a comfortable way.

-I think I did what was right. Or at least, what I thought was right... - I murmur, closing the closet door soon after.

There's no point crying over spilled milk anymore. What was, is gone. And there will probably be no going back.

- You are the most complicated fake couple I have ever seen.

- Really, Charlie. - Low throat. - We were.

-Madison. - a familiar voice calls me from behind. - Can I talk to you?

Unbelievable. I could have sworn Miles would never speak to me again. And I expected that to happen.

I take a deep breath and say to my friends:

- See you later.

As soon as they leave, I stare at the boy in front of me, who looks anxious. Why I don't know.

-Congratulations, um... on the new car. It has always been his dream to have a Cabriolet. - he starts saying, making his attitude strange to me.

- Thanks. But just say what you want.

- Do you remember Doctor Catarina, who I visited weekly?

I shake my head yes, frowning.

Doctor Catarina was his psychiatrist, until Miles got angry and stopped his appointments. She said Miles had angry outbursts and suffered from bipolar disorder. But when I told his family that, he didn't react very well.

-I came back with the appointments.

- That's good for you, Miles.

-She helped me with a lot of things and... and...

-AND...? -  I insist.

-I discovered something about my... um... sexuality.

Still confused, I think for a few minutes. And when clarity hits me, I soften the spiteful expression.

- Wow, Miles. I do not know what to say. - I confess.

- Yes, it also took me a while to understand. - he laughs. -Well, that's not exactly why I came to talk to you.

-No?

-I came to apologize, Madison. For everything. For all the harm I caused you. I feel like shit for making you go through bad times. I knew how bad you were...

- H-how?

- You were absent every day and walked around college with your head down. - I snort, lowering my head. - It wasn't that difficult to understand how you were feeling. And even more so... because of me.

I remain silent, because I have nothing to answer. I'm surprised to formulate something coherent. too much for

- You don't need to forgive me, seriously. Just coming here, talking to you about discovering myself gay and apologizing is a huge relief. -he says, being sincere with his words.

- You hurt me a lot, Miles. It made me feel insecure about everything. It made me have low self-esteem, and it also made me feel insufficient. - the boy looks down, embarrassed with himself. - But things are already too bad for me to keep holding a grudge.

- I'm really sorry, Madison.

He smiles, minimally, but he smiles.

- I haven't told anyone yet, but... I'm talking to a boy from the German course. - Miles says, and starts to blush. - He's really cool. It's beautiful.

- I hope you guys work out, Miles. - I'm honest.

At the end of the hallway, Jamal enters with Benjamim next to him, seeming completely absorbed by what his friend is saying. He has his head down, and his gaze is distant, sad.

When our eyes meet, he seems surprised to see me, I usually run away when things are bad. But he made me change. He gave me the strength to face my problems head on. But I didn't expect, nor want, him to become one of the problems. Not that Jamal is a burden, far from it. The word problem in this equation is completely contradictory.

- How are things with him? - Miles asks, pointing his head at Jamal, who at this point has already looked away and is looking at his cell phone.

-Bad.

- You like him, don't you?

Without a doubt.

- Very. But I'm sure he'll never talk to me again.

-Look, whatever you did, he will forgive you. He likes you too much to stay away.

His words surprise me, and I stare at him, waiting for him to continue.

-He almost broke my nose once. And he came to your defense. Not to mention the way he looks at you, it's remarkable even for an idiot how much he likes you.

I bite my cheek, hiding the sad smile that threatens to emerge.

- I'm not so sure, Miles...