(Got my heart, in your hands like a time bomb ticking. It goes off, we start again. When it breaks we fix it. Got your heart in my hands, like a time bomb ticking. We should know better but we won't let go...)

I woke up a few hours later in Alex's arms with a smile on my face, something that hadn't happened since before I'd decided to leave Baltimore what seemed like a lifetime ago. I lay there for a few minutes, feeling his chest go up and down slowly as he was still fast asleep before gently moving so I could see his face as he slept. He was smiling.I didn't know what I had expected to see, but this brought me over the edge and I didn't like it. I had to leave. Now.

I lifted his arm over my head so I could get up, moving quietly around the room gathering my clothes and putting them on, paranoid that he would wake up and see me trying to leave again, but I had to take the risk; I had to get out. I hadn't came back for this, I'd came back to apologise and move on, not to go back to where I was at eighteen. I wasn't ruining his life, he didn't need me messing things up.I crept into the lounge, grabbing my coat and bag before leaving a note on the breakfast bar with the word 'Sorry' on it before I left.

I walked the four blocks home, as it gave me time to process what had just happened in my head, what I'd just done. Had I really just messed everything up by opening up to Alex again? I had no idea what to do or what was going to happen next, and I really didn't want to leave again, I'd only just got back and my mom would be hurt if I decided to just leave again. I wasn't hurting her because of the stupid mistake I'd just made, it wasn't fair. The sun had started to set as I was walking, and before I knew it, I'd passed my house and was heading in the direction of the pier where Alex and I hung out when we wanted some alone time, he'd even written a song about it.

"So..." He whispered awkwardly after cutting the engine in the parking lot on South Broadway, he took his hands off the wheel and started to fidget with them on his lap and I sat there awkwardly next to him. We'd never really hung out alone before like this, and we'd just had our first kiss in his bedroom while studying English for our project when he decided we should go for a drive. I don't think either of us knew what was coming next, all we'd ever been before this was friends. I turned to face him before beginning, "Alex?" He looked up into my eyes and I saw something I'd never seen before in his eyes. Vulnerability. During the time since I'd moved to Baltimore and transferred to Dulany High, Alex had had around 6 girlfriends, all from different cliques and all dumped within a week, two weeks maximum. See, although Alex was the confident playboy to everyone at school, no one saw him the way me and the guys did. It wasn't that he didn't want to make it work, it was that he just hadn't found what he's wanted. "What happened at yours...did you really mean it?" I continued, geniunely not knowing how he would answer. He let out a long sigh before avoiding eye contact with me and trying to control his hands and plant them on his thighs. "I...Yeh, I meant it." He said, "You see, ever since you moved here Jen, I've...I don't know how to explain it. You've made me think differently about life and, well love." At this point, he made eye contact and took my hands in his. "I started falling for you that first day when we met in homeroom. I didn't know it at first, because you make me feel different to the way I've felt with all the other girls, none of them measure up to how I feel about you."

At this point, I was in total shock. How had I not seen this coming? Sure, Alex had got a little jealous when other guys showed interest, and we used to mess around a lot and we felt really comfortable around each other. But could it really be because we were falling in love? While this information was going through my head, I hadn't realised Alex's face slowly coming to mine, and by the time I realised, I could feel his warm breath on my face before his lips touched mine, and just like before, we began to kiss yet again. And this time I felt what he was talking about. The electricity.

I came back to reality and walked along to where Alex and I used to sit and watch the sun set. It gave me real time to actually reflect on the last few days, and what my life was like before I left. The years here in Baltimore were the best years of my life, I had incredible friends I knew I could trust with anything and that really cared about me, I was happy. I felt like I actually belonged somewhere for the first time in my life, and I hadn't felt the same since I'd left. I'd felt like a traveller, I couldn't stay in one place for too long, I hated making friends and spent most of my time at college in my room studying because I avoided getting close to anyone, I didn't want the heartbreak.

I watched as the sun began to fall below the water and the sky became darker, that's when I started to realise how cold it was as I felt goosebumps develop on my bare arms as I didn't think this would happen. I tried to ignore it, determined to watch the sunset before I headed home. That's when he sat next to me, not saying a word, taking his hoodie off and wrapping it over my shoulders as we watched the final crest fall below water level, and he put his hand on mine. "Alex, what are we doing?" I asked, exhausted by all the drama over the past three days. This wasn't exactly what I'd planned after all. "I don't know, but whatever we did back there was...well like all those years ago when we were seventeen and didn't care. I've been waiting for you, hoping that one day you would come back, and you have." He said, taking my chin with one hand, bringing my lips to his again. He was right, I felt like I was a teenager again, with no care in the world. I felt like nothing mattered in life, nothing but us. I could feel the electricity travel through my body again, just the way it was everytime we'd kissed or even just brushed each other's skin. I loved it -I loved him- but could we really go back?

I pulled away and looked down, taking my hand from under his. "Is it really that easy though Alex? I mean, could we really go back to the way we were and forget about what happened when I left? I know some of the things you've got up to on the road, and I don't want my heart to break again. I don't think I could go through that pain again..." I admitted as tears fell down my cheek. I hadn't even admitted the pain I'd felt when I left to myself, all these years, I'd bottled it up, avoided it. Ofcourse, it would come out now, infront of him. He was the only person I told my true feelings to, he was the only one I could trust with all my secrets, and the only person I ever had.

At that point, he stood up next to me and sighed. "I did those things with girls because none of them were you Jen, I mean...I've spent this time trying to find you, or atleast someone I could connect with like I did with you and I never could. Honestly? I also hated the idea of letting someone into my life as much as I did with you. I didn't want the same to happen with someone else all over again, I couldn't handle it either." He started to paced up and down a small part of the harbour as I got up and went over to him, taking his hands in mine and facing him directly. "Alex," I began. "I wouldn't have left if I didn't think it was the right thing to do. You were going to go far, I knew it, so I wanted you to be able to experience everything. You couldn't have done that if I had stayed. I was offered a place at college back in the home, and we wouldn't have coped with a long distance relationship. You know as well as I do it would never have worked. Believe me, it was the hardest decision I have EVER made, and I hated making it. I knew though, that I had to say those horrible words to you so there was a hope you would let go of me and live your life. But it was so hard just to say them and not mean it. There's been no one since you, no one could ever replace you..." His eyes never left mine as I said this, but I could see the emotion in them. I let out a sigh, putting his hoodie in one of his hands and began to walk off and maybe get home this time.

"No!" He shouted running after me, and when he caught up he took me by the waist and pulled me in to kiss him just as passionately as when we were at his earlier. After a few moments, we parted lips and our breathing was heavy. "Jen." He whispered, putting his lips to my ear before saying "It will always be you." At that point, I gave in, he had me. I pulled his face back to face me, smiling. "Alex, I'm yours." I said before kissing him once again.