(Sit around waiting for the spark to fade, you can add another face to your pity parade. I can't belive it, I've never felt so cheated. Knock me down, it was all pretend. Set me back up just to do it again. You say love's overrated, I say it's complicated.)

I'd got back home the next afternoon after saying my goodbyes to the guys. They'd came over after the show to see if I was okay, bringing some beers with them. It was nice to hang out with them again, and after a few hourse they left for bus call, saying goodbyes with hugs and sympathetic expressions.

I tried to settle back into a routine, going back to work a few days after I got back to keep my mind off Alex, but the rumours were slowly creeping through town about what happened. People would come up to me in the street and ask questions about Alex, and I'd just shake my head and walk on. This got worse a week into me getting back, because he went public with his relationship with the girl I'd seen with him on the couch. I found out her name was Megan Wilson, she was a model from Vegas and they'd met up at the casino after the show and one thing had lead to another. Well, thats what the magazines all said. They seemed to miss out the fact he was already dating me but I didn't really care, he was part of my past yet again.

I began to regret coming back more and more, because when I drove around town late at night, memories would come flooding back. I always felt drawn to the harbour at night, even though it was one of the places I dreaded ending up because of the memories I had from here. The guys and I had tried to get into a club in Fell's Point when we were seventeen, and ofcourse we'd overdone it and didn't get in. That's where Six Feet comes from, even though the night really didn't go to plan, it was definitely a night to remember. In the end, we all decided to just sit in the harbour and drink cheap beer for a bit before crashing back at Alex's.

I snuggled into Alex's frame as he pulled the covers up over us. The other guys had all crashed on the various couches in Alex's living room. Alex and I were on the floor, he's stayed sober to drive us home, and I'd stayed sober because I didn't like getting drunk. I pushed myself up so I could see Alex's face, he was smiling, looking down at me through his dark chocolate eyes hidden behind stands of his dark hair. I bit my lip before kissing his soft lips and putting my hand up his shirt, moving my fingers over his chest as he groaned. "Come on Jen...stop playing. You know you're already hard to resist, pleasee..." He begged as I smiled, opening my palm and resting it on his chest before parting our lips. "Okay," I sighed "but you're making it up to me tomorrow." I teased winking. He sighed and began to stroke my arm, humming a lullaby to me as I closed my eyes. "I love you." I murmured as he pulled me in closer as I began to drift off slowly.
"I love you too." He whispered before returning to humming the lullaby.

I fought back the tears as I drove down Hilltop Circle at 2am, again I couldn't sleep so I'd got in my car and decided to drive around Baltimore like I had done every night since I'd got back from Los Angeles. Yellowcard were playing quietly from my stereo as I hummed along to 'Hang You Up'. I slowed the car down as I passed UMBC RAC Arena. The sign read 'ALL TIME LOW 6/23 WELCOME HOME' over the doors of the club. In less than a week, Alex would be home, and she'd porbably be with him, watching from side stage, hugging him as he came offstage, keeping him warm in his bunk...doing everything I should have been doing. Because of my mistake all those years ago, I'd blown everything I could have had with Alex and there's nothing I wanted more than to re-write history and make it all okay. I wanted to take away the pain I'd caused him when I'd left, I wanted to have changed my mind just before getting on the bus out of town and ran into his arms and promise to never leave him again. But at this moment in time, I wished I'd never came back more than anything, then I wouldn't have felt as hurt as I did. I wouldn't have gotten involved with Alex again. Even though I was miserable before I came back, I was happier then than I was right now.

I sat on the bus staring out the window as the bus left Maryland. Tears were rolling down my face as I said goodbye to everything that had made me who I was over the past two years of my life. I said goodbye to the memories, like hanging with my friends anywhere in Baltimore, whether it was in Towson Town Center's parking lot or the harbour. I said goodbye to my mom, who had shed tears when I told her I was going back home for a while, but she understood like she always did and dropped me off at the bus depot, hugging me and whispering "Everything will be fine, I know you." Leaving before it all got too much. Finally, I'd said goodbye to the love of my life, they say 'if you love someone you should set them free' so that's what I was doing. I was letting him have the life he deserved as a rockstar, touring the world, getting drunk, getting with a new girl every night. I was letting him be young and reckless, I didn't want him to feel he had to be with me while he toured. I didn't want to be a hindrance to him. I didn't want us to be that to him. I clutched my stomach as I we passed a sign saying 'WELCOME TO ROSEDALE, ENJOY YOUR STAY' humming Alex's lullaby to myself as I lost the identity I'd had in Baltimore. I could be anyone I wanted to be. Shame I didn't want to change.